A
female
age
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anonymous
writes:My husband cheated on me he says he is sorry and it will never happen again.When i asked him if you had never got caught would you still be going behind my back his reply was can,t really answer that but proberly.This is not the first time he has cheatedI then asked him what made you stop when you were seeing the first one how did that end? he said i realised what i was doing was wrong so i stopped.I then said if you thought it was wrong and you were sorry why do it twice more he could not answer me.Is there any hope for our marriage?or have i married a guy who will cheat no matter what i will value any replies to my questions.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2009): Oh my god! I am currently going through the very same thing! Have been with my husband for twenty years and so love him and he says that he loves me?? Our marriage was brilliant and i wouldn't ever have doubted him until very recently when he cheated. We were having a bad time and things were very up and down and then it got ugly. Hes moved out a couple of times, then come back and told me each time that this time we will make it work and this is all he wants but his head is a toatal mess!!!??? And now i have just been told that once again i am 'dumped'! My heart feels like it has been ripped out. I suggested counselling at the beginning and a couple of times since he came back to me but he says yes we will do it and then the next day says we can make it work without. I am devastated and don't know when this pain will subside.Good luck and i understand what you are going through.Please help?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2009): Oh my god! I am currently going through the very same thing! Have been with my husband for twenty years and so love him and he says that he loves me?? Our marriage was brilliant and i wouldn't ever have doubted him until very recently when he cheated. We were having a bad time and things were very up and down and then it got ugly. Hes moved out a couple of times, then come back and told me each time that this time we will make it work and this is all he wants but his head is a toatal mess!!!??? And now i have just been told that once again i am 'dumped'! My heart feels like it has been ripped out. I suggested counselling at the beginning and a couple of times since he came back to me but he says yes we will do it and then the next day says we can make it work without. I am devastated and don't know when this pain will subside.Good luck and i understand what you are going through.Please help?
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female
reader, didda123 +, writes (17 March 2009):
 When you said he had cheated i was just wondering if it was with the same women each time or different women?
I think a big factor in men or women who cheat is low self-esteem not necessarily from physical appearance but much deeper self-doubt which could even have stemmed from childhood and they are constantly looking for reassurance from another source.
I think if you are willing to both work at your marriage it is possible to salvage it but he has to be as committed as you and with the help of a councellor i am sure you can at least have a good try to get things back on track.
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male
reader, Replacement  +, writes (17 March 2009):
 "When i asked him if you had never got caught would you still be going behind my back his reply was can,t really answer that but proberly."
So he basically admitted that he would/will cheat so long as he doesn't get caught.
He has no respect for you or your marriage.
It's up to you how much more of your time, energy and love you want to spend on a man who is not really present in your marriage. He is behaving like a single guy and doesn't seem to have a lot of remorse about it. I'm thinking there is a very, very good chance that he will cheat on you again eventually.
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female
reader, Artistry  +, writes (17 March 2009):
 Hi there, Sometimes it's very hard to deal with reality. But I think from some of your none questions, you realize that you have a husband with a fidelity problem. He does not appear to value his marriage or his vows. His answers are matter of fact. Anyone reading your letter would probably come to the conclusion that he has been cheating off and on for a long time. I would be concerned with trasmittable diseases as well, if you are having sex, if it were me a condom would be used or no sex, you have one life, I leave that there for your contemplation. If he thinks couseling will help, or better still, if he thinks he has a problem, he will consider counseling, if not he will not be interested. So this is your life, now that you know, are you willing to stay with him and tolerate his serial cheating? Over time, if there is no change, you will lose your self-respect and your confidence and you will become depressed. This is very difficult, but you must decide what is the best choice for you. Talk to someone you trust, or a counselor and try to work it out with yourself. Analysing his responses to you, I have low expectations for him to improve or contribute to the marriage as a committed partner. I could be wrong, but I do seriously suggest that you seek counseling for yourself, to know how to deal with this unitl you make a few choices. Good luck to you, and know that you have nothing to do with his cheating, whoever he would be married to, would have the same problem. There is an addiction on his part. Take care.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2009): I think there might be hope, I cheated on my husband with his brother and I was able to control my feelings and talk to my husband about the problems in our marriage. Is there any marital problems or have there ever been? Mine stemmed off marital problems and now me and my husband are working on things. Good Luck.
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female
reader, Reesey +, writes (17 March 2009):
I would suggest to go to counseling and discuss it and find out why he keeps cheating. Confront the issue and work from there.
But my gut tells me that he will do it again, the relationship usually stops after about 3 months because they want no attachment to the other person.
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