A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I just need help with this situation because I don’t know if I’m being paranoid or what.I’m 23, have never really had a proper relationship, so I don’t really know what’s considered normal, acceptable, etc. I’ve ‘dated’ guys in the past but it never turned into anything.Anyway, I met this guy about 2 weeks ago. He asked me out and was so eager to see me. We had a great first date and really clicked. He asked me out again but I made him wait for the following weekend as it was just too much too soon. Our second date went really well, we hung out for hours. I then saw him the next day too and then a few days later. After each date he’d text and say he had a nice time with me and couldn’t wait to see me again. After our fourth date I decided to message him and say thanks for the date. He replied to me a day late and acted as if it didn’t matter that it took him a whole day to reply. We met up later that week and things were ok. We hung out at his place watching movies, a bit of kissing, etc. I left his house without him asking to see me again…I told him to call me. The next day was the weekend and I was going for a drive to a small town close by so I invited him. He agreed to come but in the middle of setting up this ‘date’ he stopped replying (I couldn’t call him as I was at a seminar for work so this was all through text messaging - bad I know). Anyway, he never replied and the weekend came and went. I was furious but I didn’t call or text, I thought it was over. He then messages me after the weekend saying he got my message too late (as if) and apologized for not getting back to me in time. I didn’t respond. The next day he messages me again asking what’s wrong. I was so confused and told him that since he wasn’t messaging me back, not making plans to see me and so on I though that something was up. He was shocked to hear this and said that nothing between us had changed and that in any case we’d seen each other only a few days ago. I let this one slide. He then didn’t ask to see me and I didn’t push it but we agreed to talk later in the week.So…please tell me if I’m overreacting here and being clingy/needy or if I’m right to think that he’s pulling back for whatever reason.I haven’t slept with him and wouldn't do that for a few months of seeing someone anyway. He’s recently got out of a 4 month relationship where he was cheated on. He’s here from the UK on a working holiday and is at the moment trying to find his feet in terms of work, meeting new people, etc. Although I do like him, I don’t know why he’s being like this all of a sudden. If he doesn’t want to continue why can’t he say so? Is he just stringing me along, having some fun? I don’t have other experiences to compare it to so I just don’t know what to do. I don’t want to have the ‘big talk’ with him since it’s only been two weeks but I also don’t want to get involved if he doesn’t see this going anywhere.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks!!
A
female
reader, louise100  +, writes (6 May 2009):
I agree. Give him another 2 weeks but if he does this again dump him.
It is odd behaviour and a man who is mad keen will usually be really making an effort to see you when he can ( although admittedly some men do play games and like to act cool)
So give him another chance but it he does turn out to be unreliable ditch him
Hope this helps
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A
female
reader, Lina319  +, writes (6 May 2009):
 It could be a number of reasons why he is acting this way. I have been in situations like this myself where I meet someone, we hit it off, things seem cool and then all of a sudden the guy backs off and im left wondering wether I did something wrong.
He may be acting this way because like you mentioned he got out of a 4 month relationship. Thats not a long time, but if he invested his energy and got cheated on it does a number on a persons ego. He may just be feeling a bit overwhelmed by your connection and getting too close for him might mean that you could wind up hurting him. Even if you wouldnt, he doesnt know that, so he needs to back off.
From my personal experience with guys, when they would back off, it strained my relations with them, it was a sign to me that they were losing interest. Why talk to me often, see me and then stop? Its retarded... i figured the guys were either 1) bored with me, they got to know me, and the thrill of the chase was lost in transaction, 2) they were talking to someone else who got their attention, or 3) they realized that I wasnt going to give up my body for sex to just anyone that quickly, so the main purpose of getting to know me was shot down.
These could be reasons why he is doing this, but lets hope not, its only been 2 weeks, just relax for now, and take things slowly, go with the flow, see how the relationship unfolds in the next 2 weeks so you have a solid month. If this pattern continues, and he isnt as aggressive, then its time to move on. If a man wants a woman, he should be willing to put in the effort, and time, if
he doesnt, then he isnt worth it.
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