A
female
age
36-40,
*uzball
writes:Hi, I need some advice, I started off sleeping with one of my housemates, though before this we started off with a few kisses, none of the housemates or our friends ever knew anything about, but everyone said they thought he liked me, and that we would be together.Since then he has moved house and I have moved into a room in his house, we seem to have got closer and closer and it feels like its not just a relationship, thought we are both shy we have talked at times, I asked him out a few times but he says he is scared and not very good at commitment, not that he would cheat. It doesnt seem like just sex, but if he doesnt want a relationship then where is it going? I tried to stop sleeping with him and end what we are doing, but I cant seem too. I said to him once that I wanted a relationship and as he didnt want one then Id be looking for a boyfriend he got a bit upset and said he wanted me to be happy, but still didnt like the idea of me being with someone else.I havent asked about a relationship for a few weeks now, and I dont really know what to do, we have such fun, I cant see myself with any other guy than him, I dont want to pressure him but I need a definate yes or no, not a i dont know, how do I go about getting a definate answer?? Please help me
View related questions:
moved in, shy Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2007): I have to disagree with Jabey! Continuing to sleep with him even without mentioning a relationship will not create good memories and make him feel closer and fall in love with you! All it will do is provide him with "free" sex and you with more frustration.
Secondly, you have ALREADY told him you would like a relationship and he has told you he's not good at commitment. What further answer do you need from him? Seems to me that (as the other poster says) he has given you a response, and unfortunately, its "no."
Given all this, if you do decide to walk away the chances are very slim that he will miss you and want more.
It would be better to move out (why did you get a room in his house when he moved, anyway?) and cut off any further contact with him.
Find a guy who REALLY likes you and wants a real relationship!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2007): You already have a definate answer. He does not want a relationship. What you have is someone who is using you for sex. Sorry to be brutual about it, but you need to end this. It is very unhealthy for your spirit to be treated like this. Find someone who does want a relationship and don't sleep with them and hope the relationship will come later. You need to build the relationship, trust, love and commitment FIRST.
...............................
A
female
reader, jabey +, writes (8 February 2007):
I think you have two choices... One just carry on having fun with him for the time being with no pressure or talk of a relationship. Because the more time you spend with him the closere he will become to you and there will be more memories for him, which will make it harder for him to walk away. if he really is afraid of committment, then by saying and doing what he is, lightens his load, he gets the relationship without feeling pressured or committed. if you have such goos times and he feels no pressure without him even knowing it he may fall in love and committ to you anyway.
Choice two, say you really like him and want a relationship, but if he cannot offer you this full commitment then as hard as it is you will have to walk away. Now this is when you have to be brave because at first he may let you walk away. But I bet in time he will miss you and want you back. From all that you are saying it sounds as though he really likes you but is afraid of letting go completely for whatever reasons. Hang in there, it all sounds promising. Sometimes in these situations we have to be very patient and in the end patience pays off. Good luck
...............................
|
