A
female
age
30-35,
*iracles123
writes:im 14 in 2 weeks.me and my boyfriend have had sex nprotecte so many times .im beginning to think he wants me to have a baby as he wont use a condom.i want a baby but when i mension the thought of having one he turns around and ingores me.if he dont want a baby why is he refusing to wear a condom?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2008): Your BF wants sex but that has nothing to do with whether or not he wants a child. Don't assume that he is doing anything in terms of sex for a good and logical reason.
No-condom sex often feels more intense for guys, and that really might be the only reason he is avioding using condoms. Don't assume he's going unprotected for a mature reason, even though he might say he is.
Most guys absolutely don't want kids at this age.
And even the teenage guys your age who do want kids, well, most of them are usually more drawn to the "macho" aspect of getting girls pregnant and fathering children than anything. They don't usually think much about handling the kids when they arrive.
Please, please, PLEASE, wait to have kids.
You and I both know that you and your BF can't earn the money to support a family. Not at your ages. Not doing anything legal. (Hey, I am not saying you'll never be able to support a family in your lifetime. I'm just pointing out that you can't possibly do it right now.)
There is no magic bullet that fixes the time and money problems that come with a baby/child. Being parents won't magically fix relationship problems. (It usually makes the problems worse.)
Being parents won't automatically make you and your BF into stronger-willed, harder-working, and more successful people than you are right now. Teenage parents just become that way by suffering A LOT of hardship and missed opportunities. It's nothing more glorious than that. You won't give birth and then wake up never wanting to be a young single teenager anymore. You'll just wake up without the opportunity to be a young single teenager anymore.
A
female
reader, youngandconfused90  +, writes (12 March 2008):
 This one is easy!Hes young and stupid!You are to young to be having kids, you are a kid yourself. Being 14 is hard going through high school is hard and having a baby doesnt make it easier. Take it from me i was a preganat teen and having a baby with him wont make him love you more, it wont bring you closer together. If hes refusing to wear a condom then you should refuse sex or please get on the pill. Its so easy if you dont want your parents to know then they dont have to. Look up a clinic near by and go there for free birth control. You have your whole life ahead of you dont get so wrapped up in guys. Stop and think about it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2008): Hey, Darling!Don't worry, I'm not going to criticize your desicions. I'm in a similar position. I'm 15 in 6 weeks and have unprotected sex with my boyfriend. We've only done it twice so far. He says it's because if we used a condom it would be 'just sex', and that it just being me and him, no barrier, makes it more of an emotional connection.Maybe talking to a consellour at Family Planning or something would be a good idea. I don't know how Family Planning or Planned Parenthood or any of that sorta stuff works... I'm from Australia.First of all, check out your local laws. I'm recently in the middle of a pregnancy scare. I can't talk to anyone about it because it's illegal for my boyfriend and I to have sex (he's 17).Secondly, buy some pregnancy tests. It's much easier to have one or two one hand (you can hide them in your bedroom or something) than to stress out about how long it's going to be until you can buy one. They only cost a couple of bucks. I recommend them because they're cheaper to buy in two packs, and it's good to have a second one to take the next day. Just to make sure.Also, is he pulling out before he comes? Or is he ejaculating inside you? Either way, pregnancy is possible.You'll be in my thoughts.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2008): You need to grow up. The real question is if he refuses to wear a condom then why are you still having sex with him? Pregnancy is not something that happens to other people and its only a matter of time before it happens to you. You think he's gonna be there for the next 18 years to help you raise a baby? You think he's gonna get a full time job to pay for the baby, you and the place you'll have to get? You think he's gonna stay in every night when he could be out having fun with his friends? Think again.
Despite that, you're going to have to make more sacrifices in your life than him if you get pregnant. So if you think you're mature enough to be having sex then you're mature enough to get to your doctor, get yourself on the pill and stop yourself becoming another teen pregnancy statistic.
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male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (5 March 2008):
 Hi again Miracles,
You have to start to realise that what your boyfriend says or thinks is irrelevant when it comes to you getting pregnant. When you get pregnant ( and you will soon as he is not wearing protection ) it doesnt matter if he wants to be the most wonderful person in the world and support you. Because he cant, he is still a boy , he cannot get work he lives with his parents ( who by the way will be calling your parents complaining what a little hussy you are for getting their son into trouble ). You are about to enter the adult world when you get pregnant, your parents will have to support you and his parents will be forced to pay as well. He will not be there for you, can you honestly imagine a 14/15 year old boy getting excited about a crying baby and changing nappies while his mates are out playing football? Now its fun for him, he can tell all his mates that his girlfriend doesnt mind him not wearing a condom and he is having sex as well. He is the king of the playground now, when you get pregnant it will all change, your life will never be the same.
Take a look at the young girls in your neighbourhood who have babies, do they look happy? are their boyfriends still around? you will find most are very poor, struggle to survive and the boys who got them pregnant long gone.
You sound like a sensible girl, you are too young to be having responsible sex but if you are going to continue your boyfriend has to use a condom or tell him no sex.
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female
reader, Miracles123 +, writes (5 March 2008):
Miracles123 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks . i understnd that having a baby is not all what it is cracked up to be.i just think about it now and then.i just think he actualy wants me to be pregenant as he is rufusing to wear a condom.i asked him so many times he says " you wont get pregnant and if you do im always here for you" i actualy believe him as he lives a couple of doors away from me where else can he go ?Thanks People Great Help =]Love You x
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male
reader, Collaroy +, writes (5 March 2008):
Hi,
well he may not want a baby, but the way you are going you will be pregnant soon enough. You don't have to worry about him too much as he is underage as well and won't have any repsonsibility to look after your child. That will be all down to you, do you honestly think he would look after you if you got pregnant? How? he is too young to get a job, no you will be seen as a vixen who seduced a young man and you will be a teenage single mother with no future.
Sorry for the harsh words, but you need some now, maybe you still have time before he gets you pregnant.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2008): everyone goes through a stage of wanting a baby at a young age! ive been there, im sure most women and girls on this site have done, but listen hunnie it really would ruin your life! a baby is not the thing you need right now. your going through school youll be going through exams shortly and you are going through puberty and hormonaly changes. this is what causes these things! as for th boyfriend thing. tell him "if its not goin on, its not goin in" dont be afraid to say no to him. if you want him to use a condom then he should do so. its not him that has to carry the little sprog round for 9 months, back aches, stomach aches, morning sickness, stretchmarks, then all that pain when it wants to come out. your body isnt mature enough yet, i personally dont think you should be having sex at 13 but its upto you at the end of the day, you arent gonna listen to a randomer are ya :) anyway babes, good luck! grow up a little thoughh, live ya lifee before ya start growing up too fast, we've all been in these situations. just learn from mistakes! x
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2008): My Dear Miricles,I am sorry honey, but I am going to be the grumpy old bag now and tell you to pull your head in and start behaving more responsibly.The reason he is not sensible in using condoms, it because your both babies yourself. Just stop being DUMB. I don't know how many girls at your age get themselve pregnant to a kid, who doesn't have any idea what life is all about yet, stuffs if all up, can't cope and either abuses the child or looses it becuase they are unable to be decent parents. A baby is not a doll. It is not something you "feel like you want to give it a try". Just for goodness sakes be grown up for 10 minutes and think about shit.Have you decided that - well - this is it now for you, nothing more to experiance, learn or look forward to - I mean he's it - your life is now complete - at 14! If that is how you feel then honeybun, no one will stop you from possible making one of the biggest mistake in your life.Because you came here, maybe it is a sign that you are still a little confused about all of this stuff, babies, sex and this boy. If you feel that could be a possibility, that something may have guided you somewhere, where others can make you stop and start thinking and making some good decisions, then honey, take some of the advice and learn and grow.When your at a place in your life when your know how you handle things. what you are capable of being and doing, and when you have no cares or struggles - that is the time when you make a new life. Not when you are still finding out who you are!Get on the pill and I am sure you will also get - "no glove, no love"
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female
reader, Krystelle +, writes (5 March 2008):
i'm around the same age as you and it's just pure stupidity to want a baby this young. how are you going to finance everything? where is the baby going to live?you haven't even done your GCSE's and having a baby before that will definitely lower the marks cos you wont have time to revise cos youll be to busy with the baby. if your boyfriend wont have protected sex then he obviously doesnt respect you or your thoughts.
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female
reader, PUDDINPOP +, writes (5 March 2008):
 I agree totally Having a child is a huge responsibility not that I have any but I've done my share of baby sitting infants and its not a easy task They cry alot and half of the time you don't know why And there are joys in having a child but You're still young You just better live your life and have fun doing it you have all the time in the world left to think about a child how about after college if you plan to go I'm sorry If this is Harsh but please Little mama don't throw your life away.
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female
reader, O Connor  +, writes (5 March 2008):
 you are not even 14 and you want a baby? do you not see wat is wrong with this sentence? you are still a child yourself - wat makes you think that you are mature and responsible to have one yourself? you are way to young to have a child now, and in my opinion having sex. maybe the reason why he doesnt want to use a condom if because it can feel better for guys when they are 'going bare'. talk to him and ask him why? you both run the risk of getting pregnant if you dont use protection - not to mention STD's and infections. did you even consider that when you let him have sex with you - wat if he does have and STD and passes it onto you? talk to him and ask him why, and hun, if you are going to continue having sex, use your head and use protection. you dont know wat you are letting into your body! if you want to talk more about this just email me, but i strongly feel that you are way too young to be even thinking about babies yet - just enjoy your childhood while it lasts!
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2008): Oh, and by the way, he might not want to wear a condom because he's either too immature to think about the consequences, or is totally nervous about buying them in a shop because people might think he's too young to be buying such things. Which he is.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2008): Also honey, have you ever heard of ''No glove, no love''? Or what about ''Get it on, or stop getting it on''?
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2008): I'm sorry honey, but are you kidding me?
Not only are you 13 and having sex, but you're having UNPROTECTED sex. My God. I'm sorry, but questions like this amuse me no end.
For a start, this is illegal. Why are you having sex with a guy that encourages you to break the law, puts you at the risk of STDs, puts you at the risk of pregnancy, AND clearly couldnt give a s*** about you by refusing to wear a condom. Why is the doing this to you?! Does he not love you?! It seems to me like he doesnt, and you shouldn't let him get away with this. And to be honest, you most likely wont even have tits yet. You're not even fully developed!
Fair enough, if you want sex, go ahead, obviously nobody can stop you. But you tell him that if he doesnt put that condom on then he's not going inside you.
It would just be selfish to bring a child up with a irresponsible naive 13 year old girl. I'm sorry to be harsh about it, I really am, but stop being such a kid.
Children cannot bring up children.
So stop him doing this to you right now.
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female
reader, mightyhawk +, writes (5 March 2008):
 Firstly, it is a very bad idea to have unprotected sex, you really shouldn't want to get prgnant at such a young age. Do you really think you can suppor t a child before you have even finished school? He probably doesn't want to use one becuase men are more stimulated without a condom, but that is not the main problem in your question. If you are not mature enough to use contracteption, you should not be having sex.
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