A
female
age
36-40,
*nknown1988
writes:My boyfriend and i have been together for almost 3 years now, and living together for over 1 and a half years. We talk about the fact we want to be together forever, but when it comes down to him actually popping the question, he always is saying he is scared of commitment. I really am confused. If he cant see himself with anyone but me for the rest of his life, then why is it so hard for him to fully commit to me? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (15 November 2010):
 I don't believe for a second that him being "scared of commitment" is the sole reason why he hasn't popped the question. Not that I'm implying there's anything underhanded going on here, simply that there could be a combination of lots of little reasons for his hesitation.
Example: Is he young-ish? Is he financially set up? Does he have a career? Are you expecting a big wedding? Does everybody know and love you- family, friends? Has he had any serious relationships with anyone else? Does he have baggage or past issues with commitment? Do you guys fight much? Is he ready to settle down in general?
Hell, he could just be happy with things the way they are right now... think about it... what will honestly change for him if you get married? Other than being committed to a lovely lady such as yourself of course, what would make him want to get married right now? He's already living with you, already very committed to you by the sounds of things... what will change for him? Maybe not enough to make "popping the question" an urgent necessity for him at the moment.
I don't want to drive you insane thinking about these things so please don't read into what I've said too much, I'm merely suggesting that there could be more to this than just a fear of commitment.
I hope you haven't been pressuring him...
Good luck anyhoo :)
A
male
reader, smile(:  +, writes (15 November 2010):
With only the information you have given it is impossible to determine why he does not want to commit. Based on the fact that you have been together for so long and are happy together, that he is afraid of commitment probably isn't something to be alarmed about. Commitment can be a difficult thing. There are some things you can try.
Tell him you are committed to him, how much you love him.
Go over the benefits of being married:
If you file joint tax returns you pay less taxes.
Medical benefits and such things.
You get his last name.
You want your children to have married parents.
Marriage is the thing for people in your position to do.
Ask him if he has any other concern besides commitment? If not, it is only one thing - ask him to put it aside for you.
I wish you the best.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2010): A ring on your finger is a lot different than saying you'll be together forever.
Men are usually scared when it comes to popping the question, so it's nothing personal. Just give him time and don't pressure him.
Its a guy thing.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2010): I'm in the exact same situation. I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years, living together for 2 and we actually were engaged once because he said he felt I was giving him an ultimatum but a month later I caught him chatting with a friend over how miserable he was over it and wanted to break up with me. Of course I was upset but I took him back and I made the comprise but I've brought up how hard it's been to him and it always turns into an argument and he's always willing to just let me go. Trust me. Even if it turns into arguing confront him about it and if he still won't do it, the truth is that he either doesn't love you that much or he's self-centered and cares more about his beliefs. Watch the movie "He's Just Not That Into You." The Ben Affleck and Jennifer Aniston couple explain it all. I bet if you left him, he'd marry the next girl.
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