A
female
age
30-35,
*haasnssoien
writes:ok, so me and my boyfriend have been dating for a long time and we have decided that we want to have sex. the problem is that I'm still a vergin and i know its going to hurt. we both have talked about it, and we thought it would be a good idea for him to finger me first, but when he tryed, he couldnt get his finger in very far because it hurt to much. then we stoped for a while, got back in the mood, and he tryed again, but this time he gave me something to bite down on because he knows it will hurt. but again, he didnt get very far before i began to cry...so we are really scared that this might be a problem, cause if he cant even get his finger in, how can we even have sex?? am i way to tight? will it get any easyer? :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2010): I was where you are at one point. Girl it hurts when you're tight. If he can't finger you maybe try buying gels & using one finger to start with. It took like 3 months before my boyfrind got me kinda loose, well loose enough to do it. He literally had to finger me for like ever before it'd even go in! Waiting helps you though. Try different things but if it hurts so bad, stop & give yourself a rest!
Goodluck(:
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2010): Oh my goodness sweetie if you are doing things that are hurting you so much you have to bite down on something, stop!! It should not be like that, it should not be an act you have to deal with, it's supposed to be about pleasure and having a good time. You are still quite young and your body just might not be physically ready yet. Slow down and just enjoy getting to know your body and his. It's very likely that you were nervous and scared of it hurting so you tensed up and made things even tighter. It might be tight and he may only be able to get in one finger for now, but don't rush it, there is no reason to try and cram his fingers in there and then a penis all in the same day. Take your time, months, years maybe and just let your body get used to these types of touches. If you are still concerned i suggest you see a doctor and they may be able to tell you if maybe you have a condition making your muscles tighter than normal. I highly suggest you see a doctor anyway and get on birth control because these types of sexual acts will only lead to having sex and you don't need to be worrying about getting pregnant.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2010): Good lord love. Your problem is that you are stressing way way too much. I would say wait, because I don't think you are emotionally ready yet. I waited until I was 22. And I am so very glad I did. There is no harm in waiting. But, a BIG secret to tell you is that it really doesn't hurt that much at all. Use lube. It feels kind of nasty at first, but it helps a lot. I was bracing for pain and felt nothing but pleasure. I promise you. If you stop tensing, it will feel amazing. Just chill out for a minute ok.
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A
female
reader, anna123  +, writes (28 June 2010):
u really need 2 relax hun.if it doesnt feel right then wait a bit longer, im sure the time will come when it will happen 4 u n ur bf.there is no need to rush.hope this kinda helppedxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2010): Hi sweety,
Stupid question, but are you sure he was trying to insert his finger where it was supposed to go? :) The thing is it is not all THAT tight down there even if you are a virgin. Also, it might hurt a bit as the fingers are much rougher than a penis, you may want to use a condom over a finger or two fingers.
Try inserting your own finger first if you have never done that before and see where the opening is and go from there with your guy.
There is no rush, so just relax, fool around and have fun ;) Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Christinaa +, writes (28 June 2010):
 You have to really be sexually aroused to get into it.
Have you ever asked him if it felt wet enough or anything.
it might be because your nervous and your first time could be the hardest. Im not saying its not gonna hurt but if you were more confident to have sex it would be fun and painless.
Me and all of my friends would discuss our first time and one of my friends had sex with her bf for the first time but they went out for about a year before they had sex and she said she doesnt remember it hurting and the reason is because she was confident and she didnt think about it.
She let it happen on her own.
Dont force the mood if the time isnt right. let it happen on its own and in time im sure everything will turn out right
hope i helped
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (28 June 2010):
 I think this is your body's way of telling you that you aren't ready for sex. I think it would be best to listen to it. There is no need to rush into anything. Losing your virginity will most likely hurt.
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