A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I broke up with my boyfriend about a month ago... I love him with all my heart but the relationship will never work as his feelings are always from one extreme to another. One week he will focus all his attention on me and treat me as though i am the most important person on this planet, then the week week he will give me the cold shoulder as if he never said and did those wonderful things the previous week.I desperately need to move on and meet Mr Right as i know i deserve so much better but its so hard when he keeps coming back into my life and messing with my head.If anyone has been through this please tell me what i can do to get over him. I know this relationship will never work and i should be stronger than this but im sure you all know what it is like to be trully in love... it's so difficult to brake away :(
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female
reader, powderedheart  +, writes (23 April 2008):
hi there, i feel like i was in the same relationship as you, when things were good, i was his princess, but whenever we got into even a little fight, not even a fight, but whenever i was upset, he would be furious that i had anything to be mad over and would ignore me for days. the last 3 months have been horrible, we had a fight, and he ran off again. and since then, he'd occasionally text me to see me, for breakfast, and so during this break period, i would see him for a day or two, and during those times, everything seemed to get back to when we were in love, and we would cuddle and snuggle and kiss, and when i would leave, he would tell me he'd call me, and then, he just never did. and then again, out of no where, he'll want to see me. and everything seemed ok, and then he would just not call me. he told me, that everything he wanted was with me, and that no matter what, he would want to be with me, and his feelings for me were so passionate and strong. and then all of a sudden. he would be the coldest, cruelest person. and yeah, its good that you know that it will never work. I think that is the first step. to accept it. to accept that this is a toxic relationship, and that you're just setting yourself to get hurt. because you keep letting him do that to you. which i let him do to me.
what i did, is, deleted all public images of me and him together, like online communities, and i told me family and friends it was over. so it was more official. that i accepted it. and i deleted all his texts that i kept, and i kept them for a year, it documented our first date, and our first conversations, and so i let that go. get rid of all pictures, and anything that has to do with your relationship that will remind you of him and like most people say here, focus on yourself. he's not a stable person, and you deserve more in your like. i deserve more too. i loved him with all my heart. but, he's not a relationship kinda person. so yeah focus on yourself if you can, i find it really really hard too. its taken now, 3 months to really accept it. and move on.
A
female
reader, Susan Strict  +, writes (22 April 2008):
 You could start by simply telling him the problem, if you haven't done that already. You say he "keeps coming back into your life". So you have the chance to discuss it, and you really must discuss it. It might be that his feelings for you are not the same as yours are for him - in which case I'm sure you are right to break up and move on - and it will be very much easier for you to do if it has been said and it's out in the open between you.
But... suppose there is something else? Has he got other worries that have nothing to do with you but that are making him moody, bad-tempered, giving you the "cold shoulder"? You need to know. You might be able to help - you might want to help.
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