A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:If someone has changed because of their boy/girlfriend for the worst will they eventually see the light or not? If you think this can't last which I can't believe it can, you cannot just change that much and push everyone away who you care about the most and be happy surely!! Surely the old him/her has got to come back at somepoint and see the light, how long do you think they can live this lie of who they actually are?Sorry I am confused and any advise appreciated! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2011): Yeah thats what I was thinking that maybe the last 7 years were a lie and maybe the real him has come to light now.....but then his famliy, mum, sister etc have all said he has changed and this is just not him, has he been lying to them too?I intend to move on and get on, its exactly what I am doing, I guess I need answers, more so for my son. Has he will be part of my life for the next 18 years has we have a little boy
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (23 September 2011):
A woman falls in love with a man. She thinks he's everything, she loves him, she wants to be with him. Man says he loves her more than anything. He'll never hurt her, always protect her. He marries her, says he'll forsake all others, that no other women in the world is as important as she is to him. Then, 5 years later, he cheats.
Did he change? Or were the previous 5 years just a lie to make him seem better than he really was?
One of the things I've learnt over time, is that people often don't change. They just create illusions when it suits them, and then let their guard down when it doesn't matter anymore.
What I mean, is this:
You met someone. What you saw was an illusion. You saw exactly what they wanted you to see. You saw the kind side, the caring side, the fun side. You saw a friend in that person. You saw a trustworthy person.
Over time, your opinion of course becomes more and more solid of that person. You accept the odd 'quirk' here and there. He accept the odd bit of behaviour. You accept the occasional hint of nastiness. Because, 99% of the time, they're still that 'good person'.
And then, one day, something happens that makes it seem like they've suddenly changed. They get a girlfriend or a boyfriend for example, and suddenly they think they have what they want. And it is at that point that they let their guard down, and the illusion disappears.
Then you see them for what they really are.
Of course, you think they've changed. And it does seem like they really have. No more fun, no more kindness. Just a person who pushes you away and treats you badly.
In reality, that person never changed. They just showed you who they really are.
This friend of yours has got what she/he wants - a partner. Now they have that partner, they think they have it all an the illusion is no longer needed. So they've dropped it and have shown you who they are.
The best thing you can do is move on from this person. You now know who they really are. And perhaps that person is someone you don't need in your life.
And will they change back? No. They'll just create another illusion.
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