A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have a wonderful guy that still visits a beautiful girl who lives down the street from him once in a while in the evenings. I told him it makes me uncomfortable, and he said they are only friends. I told him, how would I know that. And he said that I should trust him. I asked if we could visit together, and he said no. I've known her for 10 years and I'm not about to give up that friendship. He also told me he is uncomfortable if I contact the girl because it means that I am checking up on her. I figure that him visiting her makes me uncomfortable and he does not want to stop, so me contacting her, even though it makes him uncomfortable, is OK. If a guy loves you and wants to marry you, is it OK to ask that he not go to a woman's house at night? He claims I don't trust him. I cannot visit men, however, because he claims men friends are different because they think about sex. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2007): Hi hunny,
if this is your friend to then dont stop seeing her just because you have been told not to, He isnt in control of you. and if you have male friends then he just put his foot right in it by saying you cant have them as they just think of sex!!!!! HE IS A MALE VISITING A FEMALE!!!!!! So what does that say about his judgment? Id ask myself if this is the man i wanted to spend the rest of my life with as you sound unhappy now, Have a heart to heart and see how you feel after that darling hope your ok TAKE CARE LOTS OF LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
A
female
reader, flower girl  +, writes (29 June 2007):
 So why should it be one rule for you and another for him, you are not asking him to give up his friendship with her and maybe you need to make that clear to him.
There is not a friend of my husbands that i have not met and vice versa, in fact when we met his best friend was a girl and they used to go out often just the two of them, but then on other nights we would go out all together and thats the way it should be.
I think you need to make it clear to him how unreasonable he is being, if he really cares for you he should not be comfortable with the fact that his seeing her makes you uncomfortable.
Take care.xx.
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A
female
reader, Enzian  +, writes (29 June 2007):
 HiI think you have the right to tell him that you don't want him to do that. It is not about trust, but respect of you and your feelings. Tell him how you feel and that you would like to stop him doing this because you feel uncomfortable. If he really loves you, he will respect you, put you first and will not do anything what hurts you.If you know this friend for 10 years she is also sort of youe friend and he has no right to frobid you to see her. He can't do that anyway. Like you can't forbid him anything, he can not. You can only asking him for not visting her.It is really a little strang that he doesn't like you contacting that women nor visting her together with you. And if he does it regularly - that is really not fair.But I would not visit guys in sort of like "wie du mir, so ich dir". That is a little "kindisch" and will not really help.All the best!
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A
female
reader, YummyMummy +, writes (29 June 2007):
 Don't stop your friendship with this girl. I would have a chat with her about you being uncomfortable with him being there alone. She may agree with where you come from and ask the pair of you to come round.
Not all men think about sex all the time! How is it fair he can go round to a girls house alone but you aren't allowed to do the same. If he's putting all men in the thinking of sex catagory doesn't that mean himself too?! If he still can't see your point start hanging out with male friends and see what he says. It is kinda tit-for-tat but he needs to see how you are left feeling.
xxxxxx
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