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age
30-35,
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writes: Hello everyone!I'm 15 and I wear a purity promise ring. The vow my ring symbolizes is that I will not have sex until marriage, but oral sex and feeling up of any "private" area is also included in what I've sworn not to do.I have no problem with this promise. I feel like it is keeping me safe and smart.I've been with my bf a while and were in love (you don't have to believe me on this, no one ever does, and not to be rude but please don't contest me on this, I know my emotions better than the people I'm asking for advice do). I want to bring a new element to our relationship other than just making out (not to say that isnt good enough on its own). Any ideas?Thank you so much!-GG
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female
reader, anitaw4  +, writes (23 April 2009):
Hi its me again. I see that you feel the need to clarify yourself depending on the answers you are getting. This could be because you are young and want to make sure that everyone is reading you right. Let me tell ya, people will often have different oppinions for you as you grow. People are different and so are their oppinions and ways of life. One reader was right, you seem pretty mature for being a teen. As I have said before, go with your gut feelings and beliefs. No one knows you and your bf as well as you and he. That need you are having for getting even closer, I believe is that desire that usually brings on a sexual relationship as well. Time, experiences, intimate talks and history making moments, make two people closer, there isnt much more except for being more physical with each other. When the time is right for the both of you, you will know and things will change. There is a whole new set of things that will follow for each of you after sex.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHahaha, no. We will NOT be married in 2 years, hahaha! If ever we get married (which, being a high school relationship, that isn't exactly likely) it won't be for like 10 years, hahaha!
My bf has also agreed that this is the best path for us, and he would even make the vow if promise rings weren't just for girls... He's a real good guy. Were willing to wait, if ever we get the chance.
Thanks,
-GG
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2009): Will you be married to him soon (Within a year or two)? If not, you may break your vow and then regret. If yes, note that a year or two is not long. Able to keep your vow makes you a real woman worthy of respect. Able to wait makes him a man dignified with true personality and character.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2009): i wanna say that you really lucky. I think your boyfriend really love you a lot^^. I am living in Canada and my boyfriend is living in France, it is really hard for us to keep the relationship. But we did pretty good so far. We talk everyday reminder each other take care of each other, talking about our friends and funny things, we plan our future together.... We usually travel together and sometimes do things together(do sports, dance, plan piano....) We are together almost 3 years and never have sex...The point i want make here is Sex is a way which you can use to attract a guy's attention, but it wont work all the time. the feeling of love is the most important thing which can spicing up a relationship. So try to do things together and often make spacial gift for each other, or cook for each other... MACK SURE NOT ALWAYS do the same thing with your bf/gf... (guys like do things together and girls like talk and tell her lover their feelings) my english is not good hopefully i explained well here)
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female
reader, anitaw4 +, writes (21 April 2009):
You are you, do what you feel you want to do. I respect that you want to remain a virgin, I really respect that especially today. The truth is however, if you feel that you want more, go for it. Use precaution and make sure whatever you do you wont regret. Maybe you could try talking to your partner about your feelings, get his input.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks!
And what I'm looking for isn't necessarily physical. I just want us to become even CLOSER, and I didn't know the best way to achieve that. As you had already said, talking. That was perfect, and I was just wondering if there was anything else like that I could do.
We both have pretty strong physical desires for each other, but we've gotten pretty good at stopping when we should, and then going to play with our little brothers (young and adorable!) so it does advance. And our self control amazes both of us sometimes, hahaha.
I'm not trying to say that we push our limits. We don't.
Did I say that in a really backward and confusing way?
Sorry.
-GG
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2009): I'm the anonymous poster from below. I can tell that you are quite mature, and I'm glad to hear that you have a good relationship with this guy. The tricky thing is that usually when people want to add an "extra dimension" to their relationship, they have sex :)
And that's not wrong. Relationships progress. You get closer and more intimate, and then you decide to share something with them, and you have sex. If you're young, you go slow and have oral sex, or "make out", or go with the flow.
I think going against this natural tendency for relationships to move along is going to be difficult for you. To be blunt there is no substitute for loving, safe sex in a relationship. You are too young, yes. So I wouldn't suggest sex anyway.
But can you at least kiss him? Who knows, in time you might reconsider this "purity" idea. You won't be the first. And you won't be the first girl who thought she loved her boyfriend more than anyone could understand :)
Just don't take yourself too seriously, don't be so hard on yourself and if something happens, be safe about it. If not, so what, you're only 15! If this guy is what you say he is, he'll stick around, right?
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2009): Thanks for the additional information. It confirms to me that maybe my initial advice wasn't too far off, but it sounds like you've already gone a long way toward sharing your minds already.
And thanks, too, for saying that the title didn't capture your thoughts -- I didn't write it, but it's good feedback for moderators in general to be more careful about getting it right.
I'm afraid that I'm still not quite sure what you're looking for. Are you looking for sexual but non-touching ways to bring you closer?
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy promise does NOT prohibit me from having a romantic relationship with him, and that's not it's goal. I'm sorry if I didn't clarify that.
"spicing things up" isn't my phrasing, and it really isn't what I mean--I didn't write the title, hahaha. Sorry about that.
-GG
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you! Some people call me crazy, but it's definitely best for me. I know that already it's caused me to make some smarter decisions. I came pretty close, but the ring on my finger saved me.
Yes, that's what I mean, but I don't even know if it exists! Any ideas?
I trust him completely--he's my best friend first, boyfriend second. Even before we were together, he knew me better than anyone else in the world. He means so much to me, and I love him. I love his family. I love his hobbies, his likes, his dislikes, everything. Even if they contrast my own--were almost opposites. And (importantly) I love his flaws!
Basically, my question is how can I draw us closer without physically going too far?
(And yes, I'm 15)
Thanks so much, you've already been such a great help!
-GG
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2009): Well it's great that you believe you are on the right path.
But basically you are asking of a way to "spice things up" without actually spicing things up; doing sexy things without actually having sex. You can't have your cake and eat it though. If you are so convinced of your vow, then why not follow it through and have a platonic relationship?
You can still... write poems to each other. Or have picnics. Or talk about marriage as I guess that's the idea.
Just so you know, as you are now you are at a higher risk of having pre-marital sex than other teens who have made no such vow, and your question shows exactly why.
I'm not going to try and change your mind or anything. I just wanted to point out that if you promise not to have sex, then don't. But there is also integrity in exploring the very real and normal feelings you have for your boyfriend, without trying to have both "purity" and a good time.
Good luck :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2009): What you've chosen to do is wonderful and commendable. Good for you!
You'll have to forgive me, though, that perhaps I'm not getting something here. You're making out, which in the context of your question can only mean kissing. And you want to introduce a new element that doesn't involve touching erogenous zones?
To go with what I assume you're after in a "pure" relationship, what you want to do is get to know each other in a very in-depth, psychological way. Talk. Talk about your innermost thoughts and feelings. With sex out of the way, frankly, you have the opportunity to get to know each other in a startling intimate way, one which people who have sex as an option often skip. If you're sure you trust him and he trusts you, sharing your minds can be a startling thing. More startling, really, than fumbling adolescent sex.
Beware, though. If your age is really as posted, sharing your mind with him is in many ways as risky as physical intimacy. It's a huge question of trust.
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