A
male
age
30-35,
*iguk999
writes:Hi i am in a dilema my girlfriend wants to get a tattoo of her ex 's name who died it worries not cause im jealous but because im afraid of being her second choice and not being able to make her as happy as he did i dont wana tell her not to get the tattoo but at the same time it would always hurt me know it was there
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (12 November 2011):
 oh wow if the age is right she's so young to do this.
I Have two tatts I got in my 40s one of them alludes to my soon to be ex husband.. no names no words so without explanation it's just a cute cartoony tatt... but it's forever...
I think as young as she is she will regret it. here in the states she could not do it till age 18 anyway.....
i always feel like I am not good enough for my partner... that he settled for me... but the truth is he loves me and takes care of me and who happened in his past does not matter because they are his past... and I am his present and his future...
there are two issues here... your feeling second best and your girlfriend wanting the tatt.
do not feel second best.. and even if she gets the tatt (which I think she should not) it does not mean she is not happy with you...
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (11 November 2011):
 Why doesn't she get a decal for her car custom made of his name, date of birth and death to remember him by?
I can understand a person wanting a portrait of their deceased mother, child, grandparent tattooed on them, but not an ex boyfriend. Even then portraits are extremely hard to do, and don't really ever come out exactly like the picture. Some hardly look like the picture. So I would suggest that she pick a top notch tattoo artist to do the portrait.
You can't tell she's not allowed to get the tattoo because it's her body and she's going to do what she pleases. All you can do is try to talk her out of it. But I bet she won't listen. At least there's laser removal for when she gets to a point in her life of disliking the tattoo.
I don't believe you'll be second rate to her, it's just that her ex holds a special place in her heart. She feels the need to do this as a tribute.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 November 2011):
 It'sd her body and her mistake to make. I DO think it is a mistake to add a name to your body in the form of a tattoo, but maybe it is part of her mourning process. After all the guy is dead, all she wants it to remember him. Doesn't mean that she will think of you as second best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2011): You said that you're not jealous, but the statement, "because im afraid of being her second choice and not being able to make her as happy as he did", clearly spells out jealousy. It's odd to me that she'd want to get a tattoo of a person's name that she's not even with, but at the same time, if he was a dear friend of hers prior to their relationship, I can see how she might want something permanent to remember him by. This is not to say that you're not valid in your feelings toward the situation. It would make me uncomfortable, too. You need to speak to her about your concerns with it. If she's not willing to compromise on the situation, you need to think about if this relationship is really worth the mental anguish it might cause you to see this tattoo on her every day. If you feel you love her enough to look past it if you two stay together, then good for you! If you don't think you can, then it's best you break things off with her so that she can get her tattoo guilt-free. It won't be fair to her to let her get it and then make her feel bad about it.Good luck!
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (11 November 2011):
 Why can't she just get a puppy and name IT after her late-Ex????? That doesn't involve any permanent markings....
Good luck...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2011): I think its sweet that she wants to remember her Ex like this.
Your both young and more than likely will meet and date a few before you settle down, don't focus on her tattoo, focus on you and her and now.Your not 2nd choice your her current boyfriend.
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A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (11 November 2011):
It sounds like she has not got over her ex and is still mourning his passing. Is she as young as you?
Hopefully this idea of getting a tattoo will pass. She'll probably regret it, having to have a tattoo the rest of her life to remember a boyfriend she had during her young teens.
To be honest mate as harsh as it seems, she needs to get over this death in a more healthy way, because getting a tattoo aint going to do any good in the long term for anyone involved.
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A
female
reader, LustyLisa +, writes (11 November 2011):
That's quite a scenario. Being that you are so young I'm assuming that she is also. If she's just wanting to memorialize a special person from her past that meant a lot to her because he's dead there are other things she could do instead of a tatoo. I truely believe that she will one day regret getting a tatoo but she has a lifetime to think about it and if after several years, she still feels that need, she should be able to get one. I can certainly feel your pain over this issue because my 1st husband died when I was only 24 and our child was only 13 mo old. I love/loved him dearly and there will always be a special place in my heart and mind for him that after 25 + years is still there. My husband had a hard time competing with a ghost and even had a hard time dealing with the fact that I wouldn't allow him to adopt my daughter from my 1st marriage. So, I guess in a way, my daughter was my tatoo, a memorial of a sort to my late husband. I don't know how I would have felt or what I would have done had I not had my daughter. Your girl friend obviously feels the need to do something to memorialize the person and relationship she had and I think it woud be healthy for her to do something, not a tatoo at 16-17 years of age mind you, and you need to recognize the significance that this person and relationship had in her life without feeling threatened by it. But, she also needs to be aware that her choice to memorialize someone from her past is going to have repercussions on future partners and relationships. Try to discuss this with her with the knowlegde that this may be a point of healing some of her grief so be sensitive to that fact, but she also needs to be aware of your feelings on this. Good luck to both of you, this is really a hard situation for someone your age.
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A
male
reader, Higuk999 +, writes (11 November 2011):
Higuk999 is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni have talk to her about it she doesnt understand is currently not able to speak to me
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2011): Your girlfriend is making a huge lifetime mistake. If she married to this guy, I would understand it, but bf's and gf's come and go until you find the right one.Unfortunately, if she goes ahead with this, it will always be a thorn in your side, and I'm afraid your relationship with her will fail. As will probably all of her future relationships. No guy wants to be with a girl who has another man's name tattooed on her body, unless like I said, it was her husband.I would be very supportive of her, and try and explain to her that he is gone, she can remember him in her heart, but this is a forever decision that will be nothing but problems in the future. If she goes ahead, then I think you need to leave her and move on to someone else. She will eventually learn 'the hard way' that this was a huge mistake. But you can't force her decision, you two aren't married so you can only offer gentle persuasive advice.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2011): To be honest how she thinks she can do this and keep you at the same time baffles me.
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