A
male
age
36-40,
*erroppi03
writes:hello everyone. i'm 31 year-old, male and i'm confused if i'm a bisexual man, gay, or still straight man.i've been into a relationship with a guy for 6 years. we started as friends became close and we just love each other. he gave me extra attention and he's always been there for me. in that same year i met him, i was also new in this country, i felt homesick and he's the one who helped me for everything.men and women in this country are also separated. man should be with man and woman should be with woman unless your a family.way back home, i was never attracted with guys not physically not sexually. i have previous relationships with girls back home and i'm only attracted with girls. changes only occured when i met that guy. in that 6 years of our relationship, we spent time together. i'm happy if i'm with him and i know i'm in love with him and he does also. we didn't do man to man sex because for us it's gross. except we masturbate together. and that's all.being with him for 6 years, i also have a relationship with a girl. ex girlfriend didn't know about it. after 6 months of breaking up with this girl, i met this other girl and became my girlfriend. i fell in love with her that i wanted to marry her. but still i'm in love with the guy. my relationship with my girlfriend is hard because we're in the same place but we can't go out together. we only talk thru phones, text, video calls and chat. we frequently do cybersex and phonesex which is the only way to have sex together which i enjoyed more doing with her than masturbating with my boyfriend and having cybersex with other man. i do cybersex with man but i do not have sex with man personally because as what ive said it's gross and i never tried. my relationship with her lasted for 1 year. and during that year im still with my guy. after my girlfriend and i broke up 7 months ago, i told her everything and she accepted it. my girlfriend is still in love with me and i still love but i told her to move on because i wanted to find myself first and i don't want to hurt her again. while my boyfriend and I also broke up, after my girlfriend and i broke up because the guy wants already to change and so am i. i love my boyfriend more than my girlfriend but i still want to end up with a girl. and i was never attracted physically and emotionally with other man except him. i cried for my girlfriend but i cried more for my boyfriend. i don't want to have sex with my boyfriend, but i want to have sex with my girlfriend and she's the only woman i want to have sex with.i still have a feeling for my ex-girlfriend, but i want her to love herself more and rebuild her self. i told my girlfriend to let me find myself first because i'm still confused.and if ever i'm totally ok, know what i want and i'm sure that i could not hurt her again then i will find her and win her back again.and i'm still wishing that i'm the man she will get marry. i know i'm not gay, maybe i'm a bisexual but i want to change. i want to be a straight guy like before i came in this country.is the situation here in this country became a factor why i fell in love with a guy? or just i am really a bisexual person? i hope you could help me to explain what i'm going through and i also need a counselling.thank you so much, and i'm looking forward for your answer.
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broke up, cybersex, ex girlfriend, fell in love, move on, my ex, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar +, writes (11 November 2011):
 Yeah get counseling. There are tricks here to pick up women. Its not hard. Just subtle hints women throw out in public to say hey i think your're hot come get my number. The segregation here is good and isnt. Your situation is one example of why it isnt. You became curious and experimental and as a consequence this is what youve suffered. Find VERY straight men they know underground parties and if theyre foreign thats huge as its a different world inside those compounds. Plenty of women in there. Shit even at danube is a hot spot ive gotten several womens numbers from there. Take more initiative in trying to meet women even saudis. Remember they're in the same situation. Also I have my sister arrange things too to help meet women to date. You throw that L word around like a ragged diseased saudi street cat. Youre infatuated i e highly interested in these people otherwise youd be committed and with one. Counseling would be a good start.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (11 November 2011):
 A country can not make you bisexual. You obviously love this man, but as you said yourself you know you are not gay because you are also attracted to girls, especially to this one girl. If she really is the woman that you want to marry and you feel that you can commit to her well then go and get her, explain to your boyfriend that it is over and maybe you can still both be friends without the masturbating together, am sure it can work. Maybe you are more friends with him than a lover, because if you were really a lover to him you would not find the idea of having sex with his gross. I think you need to step away from that now and concentrate on yourself and what you want. If you need some professional help well then make an appointment with a counsellor who can help you come to terms with why you have these feelings and maybe it can help you to come to terms with where your future is taking you. Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2011): It comes down to a choice and how you want to live your life and then do it. Even cutting out temptation.
If you can be honest to yourself at this moment in time, and know you do not want to have sex or be in a romantic/sexual relationship with a man, then make the choice. And keep that as a personal covenant and always make choices that uphold that personal choice and promise to yourself.
If you will be happier and live a more peaceful life from here, this moment in space and time to years and years down the road- then make that choice.
This will mean NEVER talking to the EX BF or seeing him again as he will lead you from your personal promise.
CHANGE starts with the true, honest desire and then making the choices to keep the promise. It will get easier with time until its a part of who you are; second nature.
You will have a very very hard time if you chose this path because you are very familiar with the EX BF as you masturbated together and shared those feelings that sex instills with another for 6 years. It was intimate so yes, you feel familiar, safe, loving with the Ex BF. That is what sex was designed for and not just for sating lust. The true purpose of sex and intimacy is to unite.
Just because there was no penatrive sex does not mean you haven't been intimate or sexual with another man because you have.
You, yourself have to decide if you are Bisexual or Straight. Yes I would advise you seek counselling because they are better to help you understand your choices and circumstances than a few posts on the internet can provide.
A trusting, open relationship with a therapist will help you to be vunerable and honest even with yourself to come to a decision only you are capable of making.
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