A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for almost three years now, and he really enjoys recieving oral sex. I have sucked him off many times, but it's always a challenge for me. I know where the problem stems from but am having difficulty finding a way to overcome it. From the time I was very young until I was almost 16 I was severely sexually abused by a close family member. In addition to this, I was stalked at the age of 14 and raped by a complete stranger. I was forced numerous times to perform oral sex on these men, and every time I go to suck the one I love, I have horrible flash backs. He is very loving and gentle, and doesn't force me into anything, but it really upsets me that I know his sex life isn't nearly as fulfilling as he makes mine. I want very badly to be able to do this for him. In addition to the problems I have with performing oral, it was also forced upon me to recieve it numerous times, and although my boyfriend has shown some interest in trying to eat me out, I can't let him anywhere near my vagina with his face, even if I'm wearing pants. I have always experienced over senstitivity and even pain in the past when having said act performed on me. I love him very much, and just want to fulfill his desires. Does anyone know what I can do? I've spent years in therapy and am stil not over these things. I would love to enjoy sucking him off.
View related questions:
oral sex, sex life, stalking, vagina Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Skellington +, writes (8 July 2009):
 Once again, I agree with Neboraic, you need to find something good to associate with this, rather than thinking of the bad. It's like trying to get rid of a fear, some people think that you can force it on someone and make them take it head on, and that will make it better. But it's the wrong approach. For example, a toddler is afraid of puppies, but is addicted to ice cream. Someone brings the toddler a puppy and some ice cream, the toddler enjoys his comfort (ice cream), but also tackles his fear a little. Next time, just the puppy is brought out, and the toddler is at least used to it. Eventually, the toddler will overcome his fear of the puppy.Positive Reinforcement.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2009): if you are concerned, talk to himand if you don't do it now, it will haunt you for the rest of your lifealthough the times you had in the past were bad, it doesn't mean you cant enjoy it now. if he is the one you love then now is your chance to show that i hope this helps x
...............................
A
male
reader, Neboraic  +, writes (5 July 2009):
If these acts are associated with bad times, if you do it enough now, it will be associated with good times. When ever i heard Norah Jones, i always thought of studying during the summer time because i use it as revision music. Now ive been away from exams for two years and listen to her, that association has gone. Or here is another analogy, a funny joke, the more times yourepeat it to yourself, the less funny it is.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2009): Hi...I agree that therapy is useful for some and the passage of time is also a very good healer. However, i also think that it can be very hard to break mind association isues. Obviously,you need to replace the bad associations with good ones so that performing oral sex becomes a pleasurable thing for you to do. It may sound strange but hypnotherapy is very successful at altering the way your mind functions about associations...it might be worth looking into? Good luck and take care!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2009): Sweetie.. I do presentations on sexual abuse.. i feel for you. my cousin has a similar problem. the way you say your boyfriend is i am guessing he knows? if not then you may want to inform him. things are always going to bug you about this. its the harsh truth but you know what they say.. "the truth hurts.." Just be strong. eventually you will get more comfortable and less haunted by it. my cousin doesn't do anything and she is still a complete virgin other than being raped, but she doesn't count that. For that im so proud of her! the fact that you are even giving him head is a positive step forward. therapy doesn't work for everyone.. but don't worry it's gunna be ok.. smile hun! and don't let it ruin your life cause its all them gross bastards want! lotta love3
...............................
A
female
reader, laura585 +, writes (5 July 2009):
Years in therapy is good and it will probably take more. I am so sorry all these things happened to you. Your story made me cry. Remember that it took years and years of this horrible treatment to make you the way you are- so it may take years and years to get passed it too. Does your boyfriend know of these things? Hopefully he will be patient with you since he loves you. As far as you not being able to enjoy it- dont rush yourself. You associate these things with horrible memories, its completely and totally understandable that you dont enjoy it. Even though it is with a man you love. I dont have any solutions tonight, hun- but you are in my thoughts and prayers tonight.
...............................
|
