A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My relationship ended a few months ago. Initially I didn't take things very well and did/said things I regret (I went through the whole crying and clinging stage). I still feel very strongly towards this guy and wish things were different but am starting to accept that he no longer wants to pursue things with me.I am currently working away and this guy recently messaged me asking if I would like a visit at some stage. I was surprised by this and don't know what to say. I know that it's not him looking for sex (we were never sexually active) but its hard to know his intentions. While I would love to catch up again I'm afraid it will open up old wounds and I won't be able to relate to him as just a friend. On the other hand, I don't want to give up a possible chance for reconciliation. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2015): My gut feeling with this is that you should let sleeping dogs lie. Youvare moving on and have been through the worst of it. Continue on your path.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (3 April 2015):
 I would avoid it, personally.
This guy isn't a friend per se, he is an ex. You have come to terms with the fact that he doesn't WANT to date you, so what exactly would you "get" out of a visit?
He isn't ASKING to see you because he has changed him mind - OR he would have told you. He would have hinted at maybe working it out. (I would presume). So maybe he is "bored" or he is missing the whole "gf-experience" and want to "hang out" so he can (for a short while) pretend to have a GF who cares.
Which is why I would not go see him.
You could do something easy though, you COULD ask him what prompted him to ask you to visit. See what he says, and then decide.
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A
reader, I Dont Lie +, writes (3 April 2015):
 The thought of reconciliation with someone you shared your life with, whether briefly or otherwise, is a very tempting prospect. In fact, a recent survey has shown that couples who break up and get back together again often end up parting permanently, or are less satisfied in their relationship overall. The damage has been done which ultimately led to the breakup, and it is usually difficult to assess and do things any differently the second (or third?) time around when all you really want to do is to reclaim that feeling you've lost. Love is and really can be a drug, and the pain associated with the loss of it is very real indeed.
This is important for you to understand, because it is imperative that you are completely at ease with yourself and the break up before even contemplating to reconcile with an ex. Basically, you will need to have reached the point where you are no longer 'dependant' on him, and can be comfortable with knowing that you will be alright being on your own. This will usually take months, sometimes years, and by that time, either one of you would have completely moved on. But if you have reached that point, and both of you are ready to let go and give it another go, then the relationship could be even stronger than before, once the underlying issues in the past have been resolved that is.
The key to having a healthy relationship after a break up, is to make the necessary changes which caused the indifference in the first place. That said, I am of the opinion that not all break ups should be salvaged, because I am a firm believer that human beings are creatures of habit, and trying to change someone who has a tendency to cheat serially or have a violent trait is like trying to overpaint a black fence with yellow paint. You have not explained the reason for your break up, but only you can justify whether or not a second chance is worth it.
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