A
male
age
30-35,
*acko4444
writes:I'm a 19 year old male and am single (always have been). I would quite like a girlfriend now but I'm not sure how to get one. I have no problem talking to girls and I'm not shy. People say I have a good sense of humour. I haven't had the experience of dating in High School (people say I've missed out but I wasn't interested in dating at that point). I get on with most girls and know how to make them laugh. I have been told I'm quite good looking.The big question is how do I make a girl my girlfriend? Do I try and become one of her best friends first? Or do I ask her out straight away? I find that becoming good friends usually puts me in the dreaded friend zone where she sees me as a friend rather than bf. Also how do I give girls hints that I like them?Like I said at the start I have no problems in talking to girls or making them laugh. I just don't know what to do to make one of them my girlfriend
View related questions:
best friend, shy, talking to girls Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (2 January 2011):
 hi Jacko4444, just thought I wd add, be your Genuine self. And you do sound like a good genuine guy. Then you are more likely to find a Genuine girl.
Genuine girls run from:
#Mom's boys - as are known to be wimps
#Boys who makeout they are someone else - girls spot liars at 50 paces. Girls roll their eyes, walk away, and have a giggle behind the boy's back, for doing that
#Boys who try to enhance their job description - trying to makeout they are a NASA rocket scientist when they are the mail clerk is juvenile
#Boys who are vile at the outset - a conversation starter: 'do u f*?' is not a
successful pick up line
#Boys who are boring - boys asking closed questions like 'do you come here often?' or 'where have you been all my life?' sound so tired and boring
By the same token always avoid girls who are rude, acidic and disrespectful. There are more than enough rude disrespectful boys out there to meet the needs of rude acidic disrespectful girls. They are
welcome to each other.
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (1 January 2011):
Hi Jacko4444,
1. First you have one great advantage in that you can be funny and make girls laugh. This is a very good skill to have, and can disarm and relax the girl at the start.
2. Do not discuss your past experience nor your lack of experience with girls. It is irrelevant. Likewise do not ask her
hers. Her 'history' is irrelevant too.
3. if you already do the following you can ignore (3), but if not:
Shower every day, with soap/wash hair twice week/clean teeth twice a day/use sparingly a good aftershave like g armani's acqua for men. Many a guy has not succeeded with women because of body odor.
4.you want a 'girlfriend' which implies an ongoing commitment to one girl? OK. Then stay away from rougher venues where the girls are more shallow, want to drink excessively and seek no strings attached sex.
5. Meeting girls, and getting them to consider you as a potential person they would like to be with, is accomplished with good technique.
Try the divide and conquer approach. Never ask when she is surrounded by all her friends.
Choose a girl temporarily detached from her friends. Walk up to her with a happy relaxed smile on your face. Lock on to eye contact and offer/extend your hand towards her hand and confidently say, 'hi, i'm Jack, and you would be.....?' this should get her reply with her name.
If she gives you a rude answer then do not persist - she has disqualified herself if her answer is rude.
Now you use her name in the next conversation. With another opening bid, which is 'pleased to meet you (use her name). And '(use her name again) can I ask you a question?' All she can do is say yes or no.
If 'no'/or 'that depends' move on, she just disqualified herself - you nicely say 'well nice meeting you (her name)' and walk away. That will teach her not to be rude.
If yes, move to a further question to draw her in. ' so (her name) Is there a six foot hunk boyfriend or a jealous husband/boyfriend i should be aware of?'
She will possibly laugh.
Or say no. Great you are in with a chance.
But if she says yes. Then once again if she says 'yes' to this one she just disqualified herself again. Do not persist - you will never know if her 'yes' was true or not, but her 'yes' just disqualified her. Just give her the 'nice meeting you' and walk away.
Note all the opening bids above do is relax the girl, and find out more about her. And get you talking to each other. While you remain a gentleman with a sense of humor throughout. That's how you find a girl nicer than the average.
6. Try asking girls out on a date, but play your cards close to your chest. Stay cool, and un-connected, but always pleasant and without trying to push the relationship sexually. This is while you get to know several girls as potential girlfriends. Do spend time with them, outings, talking etc.
Before you jump in and get a girlfriend you do need to spend some time with multiple girls. Get to know your preferred type.
Now this is getting harder to do. As after two dates some girls often start assuming, and mentally starts designing her wedding dress.
And having sex with a girl you hardly know does not 'bring a guy closer'. Instead it confuses things, if it occurs too early. Guys who just want sex only choose the girls detailed in 4. above. As girls in 4 above understand 'one night stands'.
7.Once you have spent time with multiple girls you will start to see a preferred 'type' of girl you like. Then you are ready to start narrowing down the fields to girls who are your brand of girl friend material. Take your time and analyse each group of girls you are faced with a group of girls, anywhere. See if there is a girl who really strikes a chord. Never think of all as potential girl friends for you. As some are not. You don't want to waste your time with time bomb disasters. Analyse how the girl behaves, walks, dances, interacts with others, what she is wearing. Her hair, her shoes, jewellery. You are looking at potential girl friends. So presumably you are discerning, and so just any girl will not 'do'.
8. Once you find a girl you like and want to date please choose interesting non boring activities. To separate you from the rest. That way she is more likely to want to keep you. Try to choose an interesting intelligent girl as she will appreciate your efforts. Find out her interests and things she likes.
So she likes animals - go on a date to the zoo,and have lunch there.
She loves chocolate? Find out if there is a quality chocolate maker with already available tours of the chocolate making premises with free samples at the end.
She loves flowers? Visit some beautiful public gardens with her.
She loves cooking? Make her a really good meal straight out of master chef.
Do not get into a rut in a relationship where it is just watching tv, getting drunk and sex .
You be the one who is nicer than the average BF today.
...............................
A
male
reader, Shadow_Phathom_of_the_Opera +, writes (1 January 2011):
 Oh man, I've had that problem for years man. Same age as you too.Let me just tell you the only things I know.#1 Be nice, but not TOO NICE...:The phrase, nice guys finish last.... ever so true... but this gives you NO EXCUSE to be rude. SO I have heard, you need to let loose a bit of attitude, but don't hurt the girl's feelings in the process. Now, I have not had too much experience here, so I recommended you wait for other results to appear here, or look on other websites. My biggest weakness is looking TOO MUCH like the nice guy, and you know where this leads you? The "Just Friends" list, and you will be replaced by the next guy she will call "Just Friends". It's sucks, I've been there. Being too nice will always kick yourself in the rear, and out into the the cold dreaded "just friends". However, make sure to still have respect for the girl you are talking to.#2 Stand out from the crowd, but genuine:What makes YOU sooo much different from OTHER guys? Do you take Karate, do you have an Education/very smart in a subject material, how tall are you, what makes you look/act cute, MOST importantly, WHAT MAKES YOU, well, YOU?!??Remember, be yourself. If you don't have anything that makes you attractive, then take up a sport, adopt a pet or go to a college class. Doing so will show that you have some degree of skill, and this will make her more interested in you.#3 Be a bit mysterious:When you first meet a girl, don't tell her your name. Let her ask you, and heck, if you want, be a bit of a charmer by saying something ridiculous if she asks for your name (Like Example; say your name is Captain Jack Sparrow, Super Mario, Roxas, Brad Pitt, Some Famous Celebrity, or even say that you are a Cylon [if she gets the joke]). As long as she found it funny, then after that, make her wait one more date for her to find out your name. Also, give her hints on what you do, without actually explaining the details of what you do for a living. That's about all I know.I've never actually had a solid girlfriend before, but on the other hand, you have 2 strengths, humor is often a BIGGIE. The other 2 is personality and appearance. No matter what, it's never impossible to get someone you what, but most of it is depending on luck. Always remember, your lucky if you get her, and if not, then wash, rinse, and start all over (what I meant was, move on to the next girl).
...............................
A
male
reader, Shadow_Phathom_of_the_Opera +, writes (1 January 2011):
Oh man, I've had that problem for years man. Same age as you too.Let me just tell you the only things I know.#1 Be nice, but not TOO NICE...:The phrase, nice guys finish last.... ever so true... but this gives you NO EXCUSE to be rude. SO I have heard, you need to let loose a bit of attitude, but don't hurt the girl's feelings in the process. Now, I have not had too much experience here, so I recommended you wait for other results to appear here, or look on other websites. My biggest weakness is looking TOO MUCH like the nice guy, and you know where this leads you? The "Just Friends" list, and you will be replaced by the next guy she will call "Just Friends". It's sucks, I've been there. Being too nice will always kick yourself in the rear, and out into the the cold dreaded "just friends". However, make sure to still have respect for the girl you are talking to.#2 Stand out from the crowd, but genuine:What makes YOU sooo much different from OTHER guys? Do you take Karate, do you have an Education/very smart in a subject material, how tall are you, what makes you look/act cute, MOST importantly, WHAT MAKES YOU, well, YOU?!??Remember, be yourself. If you don't have anything that makes you attractive, then take up a sport, adopt a pet or go to a college class. Doing so will show that you have some degree of skill, and this will make her more interested in you.#3 Be a bit mysterious:When you first meet a girl, don't tell her your name. Let her ask you, and heck, if you want, be a bit of a charmer by saying something ridiculous if she asks for your name (Like Example; say your name is Captain Jack Sparrow, Super Mario, Roxas, Brad Pitt, Some Famous Celebrity, or even say that you are a Cylon [if she gets the joke]). As long as she found it funny, then after that, make her wait one more date for her to find out your name. Also, give her hints on what you do, without actually explaining the details of what you do for a living. That's about all I know.I've never actually had a solid girlfriend before, but on the other hand, you have 2 strengths, humor is often a BIGGIE. The other 2 is personality and appearance. No matter what, it's never impossible to get someone you what, but most of it is depending on luck. Always remember, your lucky if you get her, and if not, then wash, rinse, and start all over (what I meant was, move on to the next girl).
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2011): this is gonna sound silly but 'tell her!' us ladies aint mind readers! Flirt with her, make her feel apreciated she'll get the idea. Ask for her number or email ad then actually txt her. Dispite popular belief, us girls love it when guys show interest, just not to the point of stalker mind! Or if u cant tell her directly then 'confide' in one of her friends! I know it says somethin bad about young women but if somebody told me they fancied my best mate im sure id at least hint at it to her. Anyway hope this helps a little. Good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, Secretlife  +, writes (1 January 2011):
It's not hard to get a girl to like you. Just be yourself. keep on mengaling with girls. Find one that you really like then ask her out on a date.Then go from there and you should be good.
...............................
|
