A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ive known this dude for 9 months now and we are really good friends. He and I met at work and I guess you could say we clicked. We were hanging out every weekend, at work, and I even went on his family vacation w/ him (he invited me). I have very strong feelings for this guy, I mean its love. I think about him constantly. Well a couple months ago I came out to him and told him I was bi. He had told me before this that he absolutely hated gay people and he would make fun of every one he saw, and worse still that if he found out that one of his friends were gay he would beat them up and mock them. Ok any sane person would never in their right mind tell this dude anything, but I loved this dude and I told him. Surprisingly he was ok w/ it and even chuckled, he asked me if I thought he was hot, and I responded w/ a yeah, i mean if it were between him and brad pitt i would pick him (yeah hes that hot). Since Ive told him we have been getting along fine. Ive been thinking a lot lately though about the situation we're in. He's married and has a 6 month old daughter, and I care for them as well. I would never do anything to hurt him or his family, I mean i would take a bullet for this dude. But it worries me because now that i have quit, he is starting talk to this other dude more and more. I never liked this certain guy even when i was working w/ him and "John" knew that i didn't like the guy. well needless to say I feel heartbroken, cause though i really want to beleive that he is straight, i can't help this little feeling in my gut that he isn't and he might be doing something w/ this other guy. Yeah its confusing, but I would rather him be straight and us be like brothers than him be bi and not tell me about it, esp. if he's doin something w/ the guy at work. We'll call this guy "Keith". Well John told me once that if he was gay he would have sex w/ a guy like keith cause he wanted someone he could demand around. I'd just like to know how i can get the truth out of John, I mean if he truly cares about me at all he wouldn't lie right? He tells me that he doesn't hang out w/ Keith, and that he doesn't like the dude, yet he admitted to hanging out w/ keith after work one night. Someone please help me figure this out, im going insane.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2007): Here are my thoughts, I answered your dream question earlier (right) and my answer to that seems to be spot on when I read this scenario.
You are very young, you think you are bi sexual and you have met a married man that you feel safe enough with to let your guard down....you are viewing John and Keith through your own filter, that of thinking that you are bi and attracted to both sexes. You sound pretty confused at this point over your own desires and trying to figure out who you really are and what you really want...which is very common for a young girl.
I am sure that you share a special friendship and a strong bond with John, he is "safe" for you because he is not really attainable, you can tell him you love him, and not risk rejection because he is not really available to you, he is in love and married to someone else...and he won't reject you either because he probably really cares about you as a Friend.
My suggestion to you is to stop obsessing about John and who he chooses to spend his time with. He told you how he felt about gay people, he is definately not bi, he has a good buddy that happens to be male, doesn't mean he is having sex with anything with a heartbeat.
Respect your friendship for what it is, start setting some healthy boundaries for yourself and your relationships. You don't need to be feeling crazy over what is going on, ask your friend if you need to, he has the answers you are seeking about what is in his head and heart....you will in time figure out yours.
A
female
reader, NJmomabear +, writes (27 April 2007):
 I think your right on the money about John and Keith. Even if John is bi, he still isnt' persuing you. As for what to do? There isn't much at this point. You could walk away from the entire situation and loose them as friends or accept the situation and respect his feelings for "Keith" and just be his friend although your hurt. You can't change the way someone else feels, sometimes you can't even change the way you feel. Decide what you can and can't deal with then go from there. It sounds like you give John alot of attention. He will probably string you along as long as you let him. Sounds like your just an ego boost to John at this point.
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