A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i recantly posted a question and got a answer so i did actually that and wrote him a letter but after he read it all he said is 'what do you want me to say, i cant say any thing' this is what i put in the letter---- we use to get on loadz before now, but now it is hard for me, we are always having our disagreements, you are drinking more than ever! when your out where ever you are your not coming back til late. im gonna tell you how i feel, i dont care if you thin i am stupid to be honest i dont really care what you think of me any more, you told me everyday im fat, you told me everytime arugement we had you could do better than me, i know that now, and thats why i am scared! scared to lose you! i make it worst winding you up, but you have to understand i do my f**king best for us to keep a roof over our heads, food, bills and our son colby! what you dont relize is every time your've been out and come in you start or have a go at me for no reason, when imin bed asleep you wake me up to have a go, but when you do start or have a go im scared of you, it pushes me a little bit more away from you! dont get me wrong i love you with all my heart and always will! i feel sick with all the stress and that, and when we aruge or disagree! i no i shouldnt but i turn to food and i dont want to. i want to be happy again no worries or stress! you being at work me getting your bath on and tea ready for when you got back, you and me cuddling on d sofa, cuddling and talking in bed, wheres all that gone? that was the good times,like when we are around other people you treat me different sometimes like im not even there, i try my best but it just aint enough if is it?, can not make us go back in time when we were happy and i cant make it happen now.sometimes i get that low i dont want to be here but im not that stupid to do it! i just want us to be happy have a nice house and thatnot relying on others to help us out, is that much to ask for well it most be coz not once in my life ive had that! you are not just shane, you are not just my boyfriend you are my soul mate, my best friend too. i feel so low i feel fat ugly low life scum, i dont want to feel this shane, please, i love you more than anything you can think of, i love you shane and always wil love you with all my heart xxxafter my boyfriend read this he said i cant say nothing what do you want me to say, i dont want him to say nothing i just want him to know how i am feeling! do you think this has touched him in any way, and wil he know now how i feel, or wil it just go in one ear and out the other! i dont need to tell you how i am feeling because the letter says it all, my questions are would the letter of tourched him in any way? will he know how i feel now? and what do i do now?
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at work, best friend, I love you, soulmate, want to be happy Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Lilly Rose +, writes (3 September 2008):
 Some men are not vocal with there emotions, so the letter may have touched him and got through to him but he may not know how to react to that or what to say....as he prob does not want to hurt you or upset you. Try and ask him how he felt about what you told him but dont but to much pressure on how he will answer as it might not be what you want to hear. If you truely feel you cant open up to your boyfriend or that hes not that bothered then maybe you should think about if your relationship is right for you, maybe you need to be with someone who is more vocal with emotions!
A
female
reader, SOLVEIG29 +, writes (3 September 2008):
Hmm,
Hard to tell at moment....
...Ok, he may be the strong silent type. Or he might be a complete bastard.
On the other hand. he might be shocked at the letter and not be sure how to respond - does he usually have a hard time showing his feelings? What is the most loving he has ever been? Has he always been so horrible to you - waking you up to argue with you? What has changed in your lives since those good times? Work? Home? Family?
Sounds to me like he does feel alot but it is all coming out as anger and directed towards you. What is happening in his life at the moment?
In my view you have done all you can to tell him how you feel, you've poured your heart out to him honey. I would say look after yourself, give him a bit of time as he may be finding it hard to take in your outpouring of feeling if he is not good with emotions.
Do your own thing for a few days, be nice to yourself, spend time with your son, don't mention the letter now. Once a few days has passed (no more than a week I reckon) choose a time when you are both comfortable and relaxed and ask him about it. See if you can get some sort of response out of him. Don't be angry, just chat. Is there any chance you two can spend some time together while your son is looked after by someone in the family or a friend?
After that, if that doesn't help I suggest looking into some couples counselling, have a chat to your doctor about it if you'r enot sure where to start. You have a son you see so it's important to give this some work before giving up.
After all that, if he is stil being verbally abusive (as I feel he is and may becme physcial if he hasn't already) take your little boy and leave for your own safety and wellbeing. Verbal and emotional abuse are just as unacceptable as physical.
You are in a negative environment at the moment and must feel like you are the little voice creying out in the wilderness! Take back your power while you give him time to digest your letter - be kind to yourself, enjoy being a mum to your son, see your friends, your family, do little things that make you happy. Then in a few days you can approach him about it, test the water, see if things are going to improve. You have been clear on what you want but what about if he refuses to change? Be clear in your own mind what you plan yo do if things don't improve so you can communicate it to him when you need to.
Keep in touch, my tboughts are with you,
J xx
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