A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi there. This is my first post, but really there is only one question that has ever been on my mind about my marriage for the last six months.How do I tell my wife that she is developing a gut and that she needs to workout/run? She is smart enough to see herself, but I believe she might think that I will like her just as well anyway. I will, but I would really really really like for her to stay skinny like she is. Can someone help me with this please?? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, likewow99 +, writes (17 January 2009):
Everyone replied that you should love her for who she is.. and even though that's true, she shouldn't let herself go either.
It's not ok for people to let themselves go just because they're married. They should care even more than before.. because when u were single, obviously you could be with different girls. If u liked skinny or fit girls, then you could date them. Obviously, u wouldn't have married ur wife if she was fat, since you wouldn't be attracted to her.
But now that you're married, you can't be going around and finding girls that are attractive.. you have to only be with your wife, who you should ALWAYS be attracted to. But how r u gonna b attracted to her if shes gaining weight and you don't like that?
I think its best for you to tell her that shes gaining weight.. or some how let her realize it on her own.
Buy a scale and start exercising and eating healthy and weigh yourself.. make sure she's around and then casually ask her to weigh herself.. if she's shy about it or says she doesnt want to, ask her why? If she says she feels fat, then tell her you think she's beautiful, but that if she feels that way, she should do something about it. Tell her to work out with you.. go running together, etc..
maybe you can talk about how you find fat girls unattractive? Point out girls on TV that are maybe your wife's size.. or actually a little bigger and say that something.. like she'd look better if she lost weight.. or something like that.
Talk about how people let themselves go when they get married... Tell her you would never do that.. joke about her not letting herself go later in life..
idk.. just casually bring it up and dont insult her!
good luckk..
oh, and even if she's smart enough to see how she's gained weight, it doesnt mean that she's noticed. I gained a lot of weight when i was in high school.. i mean like 20lbs.. you'd think i would've noticed and done something about it. .but i didn't, til one day I was like OMG! What HAPPENED TO ME?!!??!?! haha
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2009): for goodness sakes, ...do you hope one day to have children with this woman??? or any woman??? dont yoiu realsie people change all the time.....how will you cope if she gets scars or sags (99% of us do after babies no matter how skinny we get) How will you fell when she ages (heavens forbid) or gets grey hairs....Now Im not talking about out and out being a pig but if your wifes healthy and happy enjoy her and stop whining ...its just sounds very misogynistic and whiny.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2009): The penis analogy is a bit warped. Really he isn't asking her to change, he is wanting her to stay the same. She is changing and he doesn't like it which really is fair enough.
Good advice already given. Don't tell her but encourage a healthier lifestyle. Improve the meals you eat, encourage walks etc. She doesn't need to "run" to lose weight, walking will do just fine! You two could go for a walk every evening or something. Nothing fast paced, just a casual walk is good and will help.
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A
female
reader, MommyOfOne +, writes (13 January 2009):
 How would you feel if she told you your dick was small and wasn't pleasing her? Telling her that you want her to loose weight will be the same slap in the face.
Grow up.
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A
female
reader, sheribaby38 +, writes (13 January 2009):
 well ive heard of alot of couples gaining weight after marriage. yes some woman do let themselves go a bit getting to comfy. but same goes for the men!
my advice is to not talk to her about it. she will tell her friends and they will think your a jerk. your wife will get insecure and feel aweful and unsexy.
so i would say invite her to take a walk in the evenings with you or take up salsa dancing for fun. do something active together coz im sure your not perfect either. cook some healhy meals for her and tell her how sexy she is and how you cant get enough of her body. point out how your proud to be with her coz she has never let herself go.trust me if you make her feel sexy she will want to stay sexy for you. good luck!
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A
female
reader, Blue_Angel0316 +, writes (13 January 2009):
 Alot of people gain weight after they get married. Some people just fill out a bit more and some gain in the worst places, such as the stomache or butt. If you love this woman you should accept her the way she is. If you are concerned about her health and the weight gain then you should tell her. You might want to be a bit more than tactful in telling her though because she is likely to see it as a put down about her weight.
If she had only gaining a little and her stomache is only slightly larger, then what's the big deal? If she is on birth control that can cause a woman to gain weight. Be sure that she isn't having other problems like thyroid conditions and be sure that she ISN'T PREGNANT because her stomache is one of the first places she will gain. Intake of foods with sodium will also cause alot of weight gain as you will retain fluids. Gastro-intestinal problems can also cause your stomache to get bigger, or bloated.
Talk to her about your concern but remember that you are going to make her feel insecure about your feelings for her. Make it known that you are concerned but don't make her feel like she is unattractive because she has gained. Remember that whatever you say to her should be guarded, you are suppose to love her and accept her no matter what she weighs. If you don't then you had better get a new attitude because alot of women gain due to hormonal imbalances or during pregnancy. Sometimes they never loose that weight even after a baby is born.
Body weight often fluxuates thru a lifetime. Chances are one day because of heridatary genes she might become even larger. One thing to remember is that it can happen to YOU too! How will you feel if she told you that you were getting a gut, cause trust me even men can gain weight because of fluxuation in metabolism, being less active, eating different foods, retaining fluids, and lots of other things.
LOVE SOMEONE FOR WHO THEY ARE AND NOT FOR WHAT YOU THINK THEY SHOULD BE. You never know when the tides may turn and you could end up heavier yourself. Be kind to your wife and give her love.affection and care. Act with caution in letting her know about your displeasure of her gaining weight. Remember that gaining weight can sometimes be so easy and yet loosing it can be much harder, and almost next to impossible. Women tend to gain weight in their midsection and it's hard to sometimes keep it off or loose it.
Don't be too picky. It seems that you place to much significance upon her weight gain. Perhaps it's because even though you say you WILL LIKE HER ANYWAY, you are not quite sure that you really will. Her gaining weight is possibly distorting your view of her attractiveness. It's nice to stay slim but even alot of slim people aren't really healthy. YOur wife deserves to have respect in this also, don't make her feel like she isn't loved because you don't like her gaining weight. You are going to severely damage your marriage if you aren't careful in how you handle this situation.
You might try getting her to walk with you. It will build muscle mass and will help loose any fat she may have. It tones the stomach muscles and the legs get firmer. If you do a little uphill climbing it will tone the rear at the same time. It is good for cardiovascular, circulation, lung improvement and helps lower the blood pressure. It has also been noted as beneficial in helping with depression.
MY BEST TO YOU AND MAY GOD LIGHT A PATH THAT YOU CAN FOLLOW, STRAIGHT TO HER HEART. HELPING YOU TO SEE HER BEAUTY FROM THE INSIDE OUT, SO THAT YOU WILL NOT lOOK SO HARD TO SEE HER IMPERFECTIONS.
God bless,
Blue_Angel
^(**)^
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A
male
reader, derek11223  +, writes (13 January 2009):
Hi If you tell her this you will be putting your relationship in jeopody. For one, its a little bit selfish to tell her how her body should be, im sure if it bothered her she will be the one to do something about it, but if your worried about it that much maybe you should offer to go to keep fit together that way you can both stay in shape. and you dont have to be unfit to go to a gym. Do it together.
good luck
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