A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This is not really a question, but just something I'd like people's thoughts on. So, lately I've been noticing on Facebook the emergence of a lot of those supposedly inspirational photos/quotes aimed at women about loving who you are, being comfortable no matter what you're body looks like etc,etc. Which I think is great. I fully support the idea that women shouldn't be put under so much pressure to conform to society's/the media's expectation of what makes the 'perfect' woman. However, the thing that frustrates me is how this seems to be a one-way street, and that no one ever appears to bring attention to how much pressure is put on men to conform to a certain type of body image. We're constantly bombarded with images of the chiseled guy with huge arms and six-pack abs as being the desirable and 'perfect' male form, but seldom do people talk about how much pressure this puts on guys to achieve that image. This is what frustrates me, because it seems to be the way that it is seen as unfair and unreasonable to expect women to conform to a certain body image, which I agree it is, but (and every girl I know seems to confirm this) apparently it is perfectly acceptable for every girl to expect a guy to have the 'perfect' body, and if they don't, well, they're just not worth thinking about. That annoys me. It is unfair, unreasonable, and, I think, needs to have more attention brought to it to help guys become more comfortable with the way they look, instead of making them feel inferior and unattractive because they haven't achieved the image that everyone seems to expect of them. Long, I know, but, what are your thoughts on this issue?
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female
reader, Elydiese  +, writes (13 July 2012):
I absolutely agree, there is a lot of support out there for women who are different and dont look like the media portrays, me included, yet there is not much at all for guys. I personally have to say this though, i dont care for the "chiseled guy with huge arms and six-pack abs" and to be honest there are a lot of women out there who dont either. I prefer skinny guys myself, others can be drawn to those who are athletic or even bigger built, it works both ways. I do think there should be some sort of guidance for guys out there who feel the need to have this 'perfect body' but you can still take the positives from what is said about women and not needing to conform and being who they are and just putting it into a way that helps you.
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (13 July 2012):
 Well, I agree with you - but I also think that guys are much more widely accepted at all sizes. Look at most sitcoms. Nearly all sitcoms. I don't know if in New Zealand you have all these, but look at King of Queens, Seinfeld, Everybody Loves Raymond, According To Jim, even The Simpsons and Family Guy... these average or overweight guys who have these drop dead GORGEOUS girlfriends and wives. A guy can be unattractive and still end up with hotties, because he's got a good personality. Or he's funny. But you almost NEVER see an unattractive woman, or an overweight woman with some sexy guy as a partner. Seriously, just about every single sitcom I can think of features some dweeby or hefty or skinny or awkward guy who has some beautiful woman. I guess Friends had an attractive cast. They're an exception.
You guys have some heroes to look up to. I do agree with you, that men have pressure too, and double standards are up to no good as usual. But, I think that men of all shapes and sizes get spotlight time, and a gorgeous trophy girl to boot... and you hardly ever see that with women.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2012): Yes but there is a difference between women helping each other and men doing it. When women decry stereotypes, men typically don't bash them for speaking out about it or think less of them for it. Men are pretty neutral about it, especially these days. Men usually respect the complaint if it is valid. But IMO women are not as receptive to men complaining about how the male stereotypes are unfair to us. When men make a complaint the first battle we have to fight is for our self-respect against women. They usually don't have the same respect for "modern" men as they respect the men who continue to try to live up to the stereotypes and pretend there is nothing unrealistic about it. Some women can get downright outraged that we dare complain about anything no matter how obvious the unfairness is.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (13 July 2012):
 I agree that men are under increasing pressure to put more care into their appearance. With many women now able to support themselves and no longer forced to rely on a man for food and shelter, they don't have to settle for whomever who can pay the bills. If she's expected to look like Barbie, he better damn well look like Ken.
However I disagree when you say or imply that society encourages women to overcome their insecurities. It is actually WOMEN supporting and encouraging other women. I don't recall seeing any inspirational or endearing posts from men telling us how much they love us regardless of how we look.
If you want that kind of support you men are going to have to create it for yourselves, just as we did. It's not up to women to do it for you.
Why don't you launch a campaign yourself? You can reach out and encourage other men instead of waiting for someone else to do it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2012): Oh yeah, there are double standards that work against males all over our society. Just like there are others working against females all over it to. IMHO by the time they are adults most people pretty much have their minds made up that one sex has it worse. Whatever their opinion is, you usually cannot make them see things differently with any amount of reasoning and debating it. I also notice that some older women are VERY resistant to hearing ANYTHING about how males might be disadvantaged in any way. Perhaps the fact that things were more lopsided against women 30-40 years ago has left them set in their beliefs. For some older women, about the only time they can be persuaded that there is anything unfair to males is when something affects younger boys in their own family.
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