A
female
age
30-35,
*pendy
writes:What is wrong with me? I don't understand:( please help?So there's this cute guy that likes me.He texts me a lot and he writes back straightaway but I take a few days to reply.We have great convo but I feel so numb I'm not excited about him or any other guy.The thing is I loved my ex bf so much but he cheated and dumped me and is been a year and half now and I'm over him. I don't think about him.But I don't know why I don't feel like being with another guy:(This guy is so sweet and so cute I kinda feel like he's too good looking for me.I don't know what's wrong with me. He keeps texting me like he's waiting for me to reply and I don't know what's holding me back?What is wrong with me please? I want to someone to treat me right.I've been chatting to him for 3 months now and he says we should take things to the next level I'm I don't know.Please help me?
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (13 July 2012):
 You're not over your ex. Sure, you may not be pining for him or missing him and you don't want your ex back into your life, but the breakup and your ex's actions still affect you. Hence, you're not over him.
I agree that you're ready when you're ready. I would venture to say that your ego is keeping you from being with someone else. Some people get really obsessed with being vindicated when they're cheated on, and it's really bad when there's no closure, or emotional reparations, just this big scar on the heart that doesn't heal right.
I'd say for now you should be patient with yourself, but if too much time passes and you feel like your ability to love and be loved is short-circuited, then talking to someone either personally (i.e. a mentor, pastor, or someone you look up to) or even professionally (i.e. therapist, counselor) can help you heal in a healthy way.
As for this guy, just be honest with him. Tell him that your last boyfriend cheated and dumped you, and that you still feel a bit raw and aren't ready to go to the next level. That is the honorable thing to do in this case.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2012): Generally speaking, you are ready when you are ready. Some people simply need more time than others when it comes to recovering from a severed relationship. Personally, I can relate. Years ago, when I was in high school, my girlfriend broke up with me for another guy. Despite the fact that I did not date her very long, I simply had no desire to date after that event. It was probably about two years before I dated again. So if you are not ready, don't feel pressured--feel free to tell him how you feel if you are comfortable doing that!
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