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age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I would like advice from the guys out there please.I see a lot on the internet and t.v. and so forth about when guys all hang out together, such as the ball game or the bar, guys night out. They all bash their wives or gf. They say "being with her is being in prison." Or they say "she's so annoying or stupid or pathetic." They all sit around and wish they were with new prettier, younger women or just "hotter" women, even if they are not that great looking themselves. My question is, do men really do this all the time? And if so, do all men hate their wives and gf? I feel sick all the time thinking my husband and his friends must sit around talking bad about me and their wives and gf. I don't know if this is true. I don't know if he complains about me behind my back, but I'm afraid that he does because of my observations of other men.I know sometimes we are all annoyed or upset and need to vent. But, I feel like men do not feel love or respect for the woman they are with. They say they love and respect, but really only want someone for sex, and then complain that the sex is bad. I'm terrified of this. I don't want to be spoken badly about to people and have them laughing at me behind my back, and I do not speak badly about my husband. I always defend him, because I love him. Even when I'm mad at him or frustrated, I use the "if you can't say something nice right now, don't say anything" rule. I just want to hear what men have to say on this issue. What is the true feeling? Love and just being "one of the guys" or they all just hate us and we are nothing to them but sex? Thank you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2011): Men, as a group, may be less inclined to share THEIR private business with their mates but they do in fact share many intimate details about their wives and girlfriends. This includes but is not limited to sexual preferences, skills and shortcomings, personal grooming habits, physical flaws, personal traumas and other things they'd prefer remain secret.
On many occasions I've been given very sensitive information about women I barely know, all passed on word of mouth from one man to another, starting with the one she is supposed to be able to trust the most. My husband was always great at keeping his own secrets but rather sloppy about keeping mine.
When women get together we seldom talk about men.
A
female
reader, chocoholicforever  +, writes (31 August 2011):
"I can just assume then that although I do everything in my power to make my husband happy (no nagging, don't let myself go, being irritable, don't get upset when he hangs out with friends, do whatever he asks, support all his goals and ambitions,) that he will do this. "
So you're saying that you believe that you can treat your husband like a king and he will still snipe about and bash you behind your back.
IMO, people who are mentally and emotionally healthy don't snipe and venemously bash people that they have GOOD relationships with.
If you're doing everything "right" and still your husband bashes you to his friends, then by definition either your relationship isn't actually good (despite you doing everything "right") or he's not mentally/emotionally healthy, or both.
For example you may think you're doing everything right but actually it's not right for your particular relationship. for example you mentioned "do whatever he asks"...this can lead to big problems if taken to an extreme because this can cause you to feel resentment and anger at him. And such feelings will spill over into your interactions with him and erode the relationship that way. so even though you are "doing everything he asks" it's actually having a negative effect on the relationship.
And if your husband isn't a mentally and emotionally healthy individual, on his own separate from you, then it's likely that no matter what you do or don't do he'll still hate his life including his marriage.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2011): "Guys keep their disappointments and personal struggles ...personal. They do ot reveal their vulnerabilities to the group. "
that's true...which is one reason why men have a harder time healing from divorce or break up or other life crisis than women. And why men have a harder time dealing with depression than women. (because they try to hide it so they don't get the help they need)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2011): I just have to disagree with you.
Not all men do this. In fact, most do not. I bet if you told your husband how hurtful you find this, he will not either
You are not a failure. The fact that you are willing to try so hard at those things is more that 90% of spouses are willing to, of either gender. Your sincere commitment to try makes you a wonderful, and very special, spouse!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOkay, thank you. I can just assume then that although I do everything in my power to make my husband happy (no nagging, don't let myself go, being irritable, don't get upset when he hangs out with friends, do whatever he asks, support all his goals and ambitions,) that he will do this.
I just needed to know. It makes me sad because I pay close attention to what people say about their wives and try not to be that wife. I try to be the dream wife, but I probably am a failure.
And I know some women do this too, and I don't join in their conversations. Because I know how badly it would hurt me to be talked about that way, so I walk away from those conversations. It makes me sad that society has come to this.
Thank you all.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2011): In my experience it's exactly the opposite. Men do not reveal any details about their married lives to their buddies. First, we don't want to hear our bro's bitch ass whining. Second, guys grow up making fun of each other. It's how we bond at 12, 22, 32 and 42, etc. If you have evr been around a group of average guys you will hear this. Most of the guys in the group will have a nick name to remind them, and everyone in the group, of one of the most embarrassing moments of their life.
In such an environment the last thing a guy wants to do is reveal any intimate detail of his wife or his relationship with her. Doing so will just encourage the other guys to call him pussy-whipped, etc. Likewise, we do not "kiss and tell.". There is zero talk about sex details, body parts, etc. The only thing I have heard my married friends do is wax nostalgic about past girls, or comment sexually about a girl right in front of them , "Damn I'd love to fuck that waitress.". Of course, there is zero chance to do so. And, if we noticed one of our buddies getting close to doing something like that, we would stop him.
Now, hearing from my wife's experiences with her girlfriends, the experience is the exact opposite. Girls love to "support" each other emotionally- seemingly regardless of what the underlying subject matter is. I have heard the justifications and rationalizations to justify so many immoral acts: cheating on a husband, sleeping with tons of guys on the first night, having an affair with a married man, etc, etc etc. The reason I have heard all these is because the women are constantly telling all about their relationships, from Penis size, to time to orgasm, to well everything personal you could imagine - all toward the goal of getting"support" from your girlfriends. I am constantly reminding my wife, "yeah that sounds bad, but I wonder what Bob would have to say about it.". Thing is, it's very rare that Bob would talk about such intimate details to his bro's. Yet, I must know a dozen women who know the exact length of my penis, which sexual positions I prefer, the average amount of time I can hold out before orgasm. Women are constantly gushing these details.
Actually, the sexual details don't bother me. Rather, it's the more intimate details of the personal and private communications between husband and wife. I doubt any woman can keep these private
So to answer your question. No. Guys don't trash their wives in front of their buddies. To do so would open the door for the guys to trash you and your wife themselves, which they would do relentlessly. Guys keep their disappointments and personal struggles ...personal. They do ot reveal their vulnerabilities to the group.
Women just can't keep their mouths shut about it
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A
female
reader, chocoholicforever +, writes (31 August 2011):
since the divorce rate is 50%, and it's unrealistic to assume that of the remaining 50% of marriages that are still intact all are happy unions...then I think that yes it's true that the majority of attached men at any one time feel negatively about their wives/gf's.
however, studies have shown that men in general reap more benefits from marriage than women do. this is reflected in married men in general having better health than unmarried men. Whereas married women in general have poorer health than unmarried women. (and most divorces are initiated by women not men). Go figure.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (31 August 2011):
 Right, so you're out with the guys for a beer. You're all married for a few years, probably have kids. Actually getting out for a beer is a rare thing. Ya you can talk about baseball, which you do. You can talk about politics, which you do. Maybe you mention how your kid kicked butt on the soccer field, but wth, the kid is like eight years old, that isn't going to hold the conversation for more than two or three minutes.
Under those circumstances no guy is going to wax poetic about what a wonderful wife and lover he has. It simply doesn't happen in that environment, even if she is.
One guy, however, is guaranteed to be unhappy. And the rest will 'man up' to bitch about how unhappy they are.
Come on. How on earth do a bunch of Neanderthals bonding in a bar have anything whatever to do with a lifelong relationship?? Guys simply don't "share". They're not going go say, "geez, she used to swallow, now she doesn't, what did I do wrong?" Hello?
Popular entertainment deals with stereotypes. Popular entertainment has women dealing with relationship issues, and men doing anything but.
In the real world, men deal with relationship issues all the time, just like women. Otherwise there wouldn't be any lasting relationships.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2011): Well, actually coming from a guy, this is very very true depending on how annoying you are.
Every guy I know does this too some degree depending on their wife. The guys who don't complain usually have beautiful, nice intelligent wives and the guys that complain usually have wives that either let themselves go, or complain relentlessly or are just plain irritating.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2011): As a single guy in his forties who hangs out with both married and single guys, I can honestly say that a lot of married men complain incessantly about "being married", but not necessarily about their wives. They complain about having to answer to someone, constant nagging, not being able to do what they want, etc. Half will end up divorced, those who choose to tough it out just end up tolerating each other. It's not just men tough......I know some married women who bash their husbands and sleep around on them. Marriage has a 50% failure rate, so if I were a betting man....well you know where I'm going with this.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (31 August 2011):
 I've been married 3 times and of those three men (and the fourth I am currently seriously involved with) only one would have lied to me and he was an addict....
IF you think your husband would LIE to you about how he FEELS about you why do you stay married?
ONE of the reasons I allowed my third marriage to end was because my husband was a LIAR.... trust is probably the MOST critical thing in a relaltionship
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo this is a real question because I have seen a lot of just men forums where men are bashing their wives, but it is also displayed on t.v. I was using those as examples. And no, I don't think men are honest to their wife's face when she asks about what he does with his friends because of it.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 August 2011):
you are kidding right? you are basing REAL life on tv and internet scenarios??? Seriously???
I seriously can't believe that men would marry JUST FOR SEX...
maybe for cooking and cleaning and laundry... but not just for sex...
have you ASKED your husband how HE feels? because in truth the only man that matters for you is YOUR man.
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