A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've recently recovered from depression, and this guy came into my life just at the right time as I'm planning on making a fresh start. We're not in a relationship but I told him I would like to be in the future, and he said he was expecting it (which I guess is a yes). I made the decision not to have a relationship until I'd sorted out some problem areas in my life, but now they're all pretty much sorted and I want to start a proper relationship with this guy. But now I'm starting to have doubts, not so much about him but about the fact that he lives in a different town and neither of us are able to drive. We rely on public transport to see eachother, which usually means I travel to see him, as he has his own place whereas I live with my mum. We can also only see eachother at weekends because we're both at college in the week. The thing is, both of us are really skint and I can barely afford to go and visit him, and he can't afford to put credit on his phone so we really don't have very much contact with eachother and it's frustrating. If this were an official relationship I know I would be even more frustrated about this. Should we wait a little longer before we turn this into a proper relationship? I'm 17 in a few weeks and I should be able to drive soon. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (18 May 2007):
 Personally I think the fact that you have been coping with depression and you are both barely getting by means that you should not rush into anything right now.
Are you both likely to continue studying for much longer, do you both apply for grants and help as much as you can?
Do you have any part time jobs either one of you?
The fact that he lives on his own means he must have an awful lot of outlay as it is always cheaper to stay at home so I take my hat off to him.
Only just turning 17 is also not something that you should rush to commit yourself to one person right now.
He sounds like a nice guy but take your home, I know it is frustrating but can either of you email one another or talk on MSN at all.
Mobile phones are so expensive to run and so find other ways of reaching one another, how about writing to one another as a stamp first class is only 32p and when I first started dating my ex we used to write really romantic letters to one another and make up cassettes at the time but perhaps doing a CD with music on it, the time will pass quickly and if you are considering starting to take driving lessons everything could change shortly in any case.
It has to be give and take on both sides, why doesn't he visit you and then you take it in turns but if you can't do it every weekend how about once a month and stay in touch by mail or email or MSN etc.
Just don't rush yourself right now and enjoy this time instead of pushing yourself - you are young and full of life so just have fun at the moment and don't stress too much about everything.
Take care.
BFN
Country Woman
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