A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Merry Xmas everyone! I just want a bit of advice..I am getting married next year and very exited. My fiancé has 2 kids from a previous marriage and I love them to bits. My future step daughter who is 7 is a bridesmaid and step son usher. They can't wait for the wedding. My only concern is that his ex has said she will ruin our day, the kids can't come blah blah. We have had to take her to court just to see the kids. Now, my family however wonderful do not know our business as they are very judgemental..my family at 1st were concerned, but over the last 4 years they love the kids and my fiancé / I habent told them about court although it's my fiances ex who said he couldn't see them (the kids couldn't see their whole family as ex had met a new man and wanted kids to call him daddy but we won and they get to see us). I do not want to tell them about court, but I am so worried that the kids won't be part of our big day, then I will get asked loads of awkward questions. My fiancé has a plan and tried to stop me from worrying but I am just so concerned. We have had all authorities involved. Just want some advice on dealing with the step children if they can't come as they will be devestated and What to tell our guests as to why they can't be there because I do not want loads of questions. Thanks x
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2014): [EDIT]: "It's really up to your finance to set a contingency-plan as far as the children being..."
Correction: "It's really up to your fiance to set a contingency-plan as far as the children being..."
Sorry!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2014): First of all, stop worrying about the questions. It's up to you whether you wish to dignify embarrassing personal-questions with an answer. You're by no means compelled to explain anything on your wedding day. You're a grown-woman. It's YOUR wedding.
You must always have a backup plan. The kids could get the flu or measles. If the kids are unable to make it; then plan a special day aside to take them to a wonderful theme park, or on a family-vacation. If you make it up to them, they'll know you always had their feelings and best interest at heart. They love you.
The kids adjusted to their parents separation, they'll adjust to being kept out of the wedding. You're forgetting one factor. How they would judge their mother for denying them to be there for their father's special day.
It's not just your wedding! He's the groom! She may have to explain that to them for the rest of her natural-life. Kids don't easily forget unjust cruelties made by their parents. There are consequences. This is a huge event in their lives.
Even if their mother doesn't like it. Their dad wants them to be there. If there's a will, there's a way.
Stay as neutral in this issue as you can. She's their mother, and unless he kidnaps the children; their mother can find an excuse they can't come at the last minute. It's really up to your finance to set a contingency-plan as far as the children being there; and making some form of compromise with their mother.
If you fought her in court, you can understand her bitterness. First he divorced her; then fought her in court over the children. Now he's moving on with a new wife. Fighting for them, is what a loving-father should do; if he truly loves his children. Don't forget that his ex also has feelings; but she's putting them ahead of the children. That is what she'll have to explain now and forever. They are old enough to know when she's being mean. They love their father too. Unreasonable acts of cruelty will comeback to bite her in the ass, just as they did when she found her wretched-backside in court! There may always be conflict where the children are concerned. She's a scorned woman, regardless of the fact she has another man. He's not their father, he has no legal rights, and they're not engaged.
Your judgmental family is of no consequence. It's YOUR wedding to plan, and to choose the participants in your wedding party. If there are a few hiccups, you should have a plan to fill-in the gaps or cover the holes. That's how it goes with weddings anyway. They're planned before they happen!
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A
female
reader, suzzzque232  +, writes (26 December 2014):
 heres a suggestion...just have a small ceremony in front of a judge when you ALREADY have the kids with you-like a spontaneous thing. then if you want have another ceremony infront of friends and family.
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