A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello. My problem is this. I've been friends with this woman for three years. We were best mates all this time but then suddenly things changed.She began to spend time with a few other girls and for a long while we never saw each other. She was always busy and had no time for me. So it meant that I had to forge other friendships - which is a good thing isn't it.So I did. I am friends with a lovely group of people. There is a group of 5 girls, and we can confide in each other without worrying that one of us will break a promise or break confidence.Suddenly my best mate of three years is trying to edge in on our group. I have no problem with this. Except I know she is a gossip and I have found out that she has shared a few things with the girls she dropped me for.Our group of 5 have realised she is the one who has broken confidence and vowed not to say anything else to her but of course this means our conversations are stilted and awkward when we get together which makes us all feel uncomfortable.I was ready to give her another chance when it came to light she had been gossiping behind my back. And not only that but spreading silly rumours that I am in a sexual relationship with one of our group of five. I admit I am closer to one of them and we spend more time chatting in a corner at pubs and clubs but that's because we trust each other with our deepest secrets.Now I know she has been spreading the malicious gossip I am in so minds abut whether I should confront her or just ignore her and drop her as a friend like she did me. Either way, I would like your advice on how to proceed.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2014): For gods sale just cut her out of your life. She's a nasty piece of work who doesn't treat you like a friend. How many more chances are you going to give her?! She could cost you your friendship with your new friends if you keep allowing her to drop in.
Make plans for all of you without her, don't tell her you're meeting up.
If you're able to, arrange to see her on her own and say that she is a gossip, and that the other ladies AND yourself are not comfortable when she is around. Let her know you know that she has spread nasty things about you and that you're not standing for it anymore and will not be having her in your life. She might spread more about you but to be honest, she does that when she is a friend so what would stop her?
Let your friends know you're going to end the friendship, they may help you or at least support you and stand up to any rumours she created for you.
Or you could just ignore her until she gets the message, and your friends can ignore her too.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (26 December 2014):
 Honestly, I had to re-check your age group, because this sounds SO darn high school to me.
She WASN'T a good friend in the past, good friends don't just drop you for no real reason and she CERTAINLY don't cause drama in YOUR new group of friends. Personally, I would distance myself from her and do it ASAP.
I'd talk to the group of friends and let them know that you don't see her as a friend, and you feel she is not helping the dynamics. I would NOT expect them all to drop her, but I SURE would.
My guess is, she did the same thing with her "last" group of friend that she is doing to yours. CREATING drama. And when THEY all dumped her, she moved on to YOUR group of friend. She is bad news. Point blank. And she is WAY to old for this kind of behavior.
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