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writes: I have known a girl at College for both the years I have been there. She is a great person and sadly we didn't talk much, since I was always too shy and kept my social circle to virtually only male friends. Weeks ago I realised we were leaving soon, so told her that I think she is a great person and that I want to be her friend and know her post-college. She accepted my offer of friendship and since then we have spoken quite a bit more, plus we will write to each other from our Uni's. She has a boyfriend, and I cannot say I am suprised. She is the best person you can imagine, sweet, smart, funny, good to be around and also in my opinion very attractive. I'll be honest. I think by talking to her and becoming her friend maybe I worsened my situation. I have fallen for her, and I don't know what to do. I just want her to be happy. This is tearing me up inside. Come September she will be moving 100 miles away, I don't know what to do. Do I tell her how I feel and risk everything? Or should I keep this to myself, hope she keeps contact with me and continue hurting badly inside.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2005): You should tell her. I was in a similar situation 5 years ago, didn't, and am kicking myself (we fell out of touch and I hear she's engaged now).
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reader, HappyTimeHarry +, writes (29 May 2005):
Just think about it, man. Simple logic. Two possiblities: Possibility one is telling her how you feel and risk it all. There's a chance if you get the nerve to tell her you might be able to win her heart. Maybe you won't, but you can't deny a chance that you will. Possibility two is keeping things the same and continuing to hurt inside in the hopes that she'll come back to you or you can tell her later. Possibility one is the only way to go for two reasons. For starters, you'll agonize over this and kick yourself senseless for not telling her your feelings when you had the chance. Second, when she gets 100 miles away, she'll be starting a new life and gradually forgetting about you. If she tries to keep in touch, you'll get fewer and fewer calls and emails, because she'll be busy with work, friends, and her life there and you will be little more than an pleasant yet ever fading college memory. Look at it like this... it'll be easier to build up the courage now than dealing with the depression later. Even if you are almost sure you're going to be turned down, telling her will get this out of your system and you can at least say you tried. Hands down, tell her, and soon.
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reader, alison +, writes (28 May 2005):
I think you need to get your feelings out in the open. Tell her gently and don't imply that you want her to dump her b/f to be with you because this may affect your friendship. if you don't tell her you will feel worse. dont try to convince her to finish with her b/f but let her know how much you like her. make sure you let her know that you just want her to be happy and that as long as she is, you are. this should protect your friendship and even if it hurts you not being in a relationship with her, you can keep your friendship and if she breaks up with her b/f she will know that you are there to help her.hope this helps you good luckxx
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