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I won't come/release orally or during intercourse... please help

Tagged as: Dating, Sex, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (12 April 2009) 2 Answers - (Newest, 12 April 2009)
A male Australia age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Hi, i've read about this question in another topic but then it was a female who asked what she was doing wrong.

I'm 22 and currently seeing my first girl, she's really amazing but when it comes to sex... well i won't come.

I can make her come both orally and in intercourse, and make her squirt which feels awesome for both of us. but since she feels she can't get me to come, it doesn't make her feel very good =/ like it's only her that is enjoying herself... but i LOVE making her pleased and i LOVE what she does when she tries, but i understand how she feels.

to me at first it wasn't a big issue, i love the time during sex and don't really care that much that i don't come, but i do not want her feel bad because of me. I did come once but it was my own doing, controlling the stick so to speak so it didn't really make her feel any better and i did feel i had to struggle to get there as well.

I don't know if i have a mind block or not, i just know it feels good when we make love, i'm not nervous... but i do have a mind block when it comes to public restrooms and urinals hehe if that's a hint i dont know.

If i do have a mind block, how do i get rid of it?

(i think this might be the case as i see myself as a giver not a taker, because i don't want to be selfish or inconsiderate, i know it's not to focus on yourself once in a while but hmm how to convince my mind of that?)

It's my second girl i've had sex with, the first one was however on a drunk night out and i didn't came then either.

The thing is it doesn't feel the same as when i masturbate and i don't touch my glans when i do it myself so(not circumcised), now when i'm having sex or get oral/handjob it's way more sensitive and at the end it's way too sensitive i have to stop, i've tried to see it through to see if it's because i'm coming but its not the good sensitive i have when i masturbate and ready to come then.

Please help me make my girl feel better about herself (and myself soon as well as i'm starting to believe there is something wrong with me) i've tried convincing her it's not her fault because what she does feels REALLY good and I keep telling her that, but i think she wants to see the results of her work to believe it (and feel how awesome as she really is) =/

Thank you for any view on this!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2009):

Ok, there is nothing wrong with you at all. Each person is different sexually. Make lots of noise in bed, tell her what your feeling, how amazing she is, how sexy she is.

There is a bit of mental block, because you are worrying about not coming...you cant come. This will pass.

Some people are really sensitive, some are less.

a few options here!

If you want to be a little less sensitive in that area you can buy condoms and lotions designed to delay climax by numbing the area a little bit. Something like that would actually help solve your problem. Of course a sex lubricant would be an easy way to reduce friction on the skin (the best option). You could try using a thicker condom. Extra safe is always good.

The natural alternative is to get your fella used to more sensation. Try just going about your day leaving your forskin pulled back. Contact with your clothing will get you used to more sensation. Gradually ease in, maybe do half a day then gradually work up to a whole day.

It will take time but it's no big deal :)

If it really is far too sensitive after all attempts... consult your gp, there are surgical procedures that can reduce sensitivity. thats an extreme, not a road i would go down.

Hope that helps!

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A male reader, UncleEd Australia +, writes (12 April 2009):

This really is a medical issue - talk to a doctor about this. In the meantime, try to relax. Is something inhibiting you from enjoying yourself? Good luck.

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