A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am 46 and have been married to my husband for 22 years.We met when we were both 17 and we are the only partners each of us have had.Our relationship has changed over the years but and is now at the stage that I still love my husband but I am not in love with him.I care for him, more than I would a sibling or friend, but not as much as I did.Our sex life is almost non existent, which is fine by me but I know it disappoints him.Both our children will have left home in the next two years and I am really wondering where the two of us go from here.I feel I owe him once last chance of rebuilding our relationship, now that there will be only the two of us again, without the children, but in truth I am not really sure if I want to.He is a good man and a brilliant father and I think he feels that he is a good husband.I enjoy his companionship but wonder if we are just married as a habit.Would appreciate any advice
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female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (26 March 2009):
 "Our sex life is almost non existant, which is fine with me, but I know it disappoints him."
I think that's what jumped off the page to me. I'm 53 and have been married 30 years. I would really miss the intimacy that comes from sex. We have lived through good and bad times, and a few sexual droughts, one which just ended after a 6 weeks after having a total hip replacement, and frankly, that was a long six weeks for the both of us!
I've always kind of thought of sex as the glue that has held us together over the years. I can't help but think that your husband would be pretty depressed and sad over losing this part of your relationship and that he would be very well aware that you just aren't that into him, even when you are with him... which is a blow to him each and every time you are together whether or not you actually do have sex! Men love being adored! It's probably the reason why they will fall for another women, because the other women thinks they are all that and a bag of chips! Men take great pleasure in being attractive to their partners and to pleasing them. I think he's just given up.
You need to figure out WHY you have lost interest in him sexually. The first thing that I thought when I read this is that your hormone levels are Way off and that you are heading into menopause. Women can experience things quite differently and some women have more extreme symptoms than others, so if you interest in sex is non existent, I would get this checked out. Actually, at your husbands age, the same goes for his hormone levels too!
Next, I wouldn't be complacent and expect everything to just fall back into place after that. I would find a marriage therapy retreat that specializes in reconnecting intimately with your partner and get back on track, sexually, with your spouse. They are out there!
Especially now that you are entering the empty nest years, it's important to reconnect with him as you partner in life. I'm also worried that you are a little depressed by the sound of your letter. Even the thought of my kids leaving scared me, but now that we have been empty nesters for 6 years now and it was a big adjustment at first. But I did remember thinking "Hey, I remember you!" and that my boyfriend was back! I worry that you're not going to feel the same way because you have let your sex life flounder and slipped into a semi-sibling relationship.
If I can be very direct with you, I can't help feel from your letter that you have been more complacent in this process than he has been so I am giving you the homework assignment. Get started on finding a Woman's Health Doctor who specializes in checking ALL your hormone levels and then check the web for Marriage retreat weekends near you. You can turn this around! And remember all the other things that you have to look forward to with him, like your children getting married and your future grandkids. They need two grandparents, both living in the SAME house to have sleepovers at... 8^D (gramma wearing bifocals)
Good luck, Sweetie. XXX
A
female
reader, kellyxxx +, writes (26 March 2009):
 You need to talk to him about how you feel! Are you familiar with 'loose women' the tv program? Well this was the topic of discussion the other day and they said that it is not unusual for a women of your age to want to re evaluate your lifestyle! I would give him another chance but if you are deeply un happy then you need to sort out the next steps that you are going to take. I hope everything works out for you! Xx
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