A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I need help, a friendly advice.. I have lost so much faith and strenght in life. I have been through a lot the past 15 years in my life. less than ten years ago, I started my dream education together with my ex boyfriend. But we broke up ( I decided to break up with him because of things that I back then felt were big deals, but I know realize they were not, we could have solved them). I moved on and he did too, and I met someone else, whom I invested so much of myself in. He managed to suck so much out of me, emotionally, mentally. I have a tendency to put others first, and I gave him my entire heart with no conditions. Things were rocky from the get go between me and him, and long story short, despite all the bad signs, I married him, dropped out of my dream education and moved to his state, started with a new education while still being with him, while still having it hard in my relationship. We eventually got married, and I was hoping he´d change, but he got worse. I relied on him when moving, I relied on my love for him when I dropped out of my dream education, and I could barely push myself through my studies. I was always on the border between pass and fail, but I managed to pass all of my exams. I was going to write my thesis and my ex husband got back into my life while we had been separated. He managed to make me fell so bad, that I gave in two very weak exampapers ( thesis) and I failed them both. I am now holding my last chance, and tomorrow I will be defending my last chance and thesis, so that I can graduate and get my education ( not my dream one, but I am happy getting one at all). I feel so down, and so lost, so scared of failing my oral exam. It is my last chance, and if I don´t pass, I will not get my liscence and I will not be able to work. I feel depressed, because I keep thinking about my ex boyfriend, the one I was with before my ex husband, and I wish so much that life would have given me a second chance. But I feel everything is against me. I have such a bad luck, it´s like.. It´s not meant to be. It feels like it´s not in my stars to get an education. I have for the past 15 years of my life struggled a lot with my education, moved around a lot ( due ot my families work) and all I ever wanted was to have an education. Now, the day has arrivied ( tomorrow) and I am so scared. I don´t know what to do. I wish I could have someone telling me that they have been through similar difficulties and can tell me that things will be ok, because right now, I feel that nothing is ok. I feel I have been cursed or something. I feel like life has given me that worst cards and I try to do the best out of all this, but still I fail. I know I can´t turn back time, but I wish so badly that I could. I wish I had been more careful not marriying him, not breaking up with my ex boyfriend and not have dropped out of my dream education. My ex boyfriend is now finished with his education and working, doing well as it seems. He hasn´t shown any sign of interest and last time we talked, he felt that it was not a good idea to continue. I am not the kind of girl who lingers or clinges, but I just feel, I just wish that life could just once, just this once give me a break! I don´t know what will happen if I don´t pass my finals, but I know this is my last chance and I know I did my best to come this far despite a very rough marriage, divorce and all the aftermath. Please help...
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a break, broke up, depressed, divorce, my ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (27 November 2014):
 Congratulations!! You see?? You did it!!! That's absolutely wonderful!! I understand that you feel lonely..but that's something that you can work on along the way. Don't stress out about that right now...celebrate the wonderful victory! Who knows..as you find a new job you might find a new man..you never know??!! Just keep looking towards the future..baby steps and things will begin to fall into place.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your kind words.
I passed my thesis!!! Thanking god for that!!!!
I will now apply for jobs and move on with my life. But it feels very lonley, like a bitter sweet closure.
I feel very lonely.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2014): I think you are very anxious right now because of your exam.
May be take something natural, like camomile tea. They also have some herbs in whole foods stores that really calms you down. I remember I was taking one and was surprised how effective it is.
There is no magic, and there is no unnatural forces that made your life the way it is. Our life is the choices we made, unfortunately we don't make the right choices all the time. You already saw who you are dealing with, but still married that man. Hoping that he will change. People rarely change, and even mor e rarely to the best. Marriage doesn't make everything better, in most ocassions it makes it worse.,that's why we have so many divorces.
You have a tendency to blame everything around you when things go wrong.,that's not a very good practice. If you look into what you are doing wrong that would give you a chance not to make same mistakes in a future.
Also dwelling on past is a really bad idea. It will depress you even more.you can't control past anymore, it's gone.
People who learn on past mistakes are the most succesful. Don't repeat the same pattern, and everything will eventually turn out ok.
Wish you luck with your exam!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2014): Your life is the way it is because you allowed it. We all encounter challenges, the challenges come to advance you to the next stage up. No challenges or hard work....no appreciation or progress. Appreciate the challenges and with hard work you'll progress. Unless your story lacks information, such as being a single mom working trying to go back to school with no one to watch your kids, then I would say you are blessed or fortunate. You already stated what your problem is, putting others first....why not seek help in that area. Also do not depend on others to make you happy, it is a burden to be with someone who depends on a person for happiness. Youre mentally in no shape for a relationship. Take a break and get to know yourself. Accomplish your goals. Build yourself up, make your own self happy, then you can find happiness in yourself . Focus on you. Take one day at a time. Stop recalling the past. People who do past recalls a lot have accomplished theyre greatest in the past and they don't look forward to topping their past success or accomplishments. We are defined by not what we encounter but how we respond to those encounters. Don't let every encounter depress you. Take care of yourself first...mind, body and soul.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (19 November 2014):
 Life my dear has never done anything wrong to anyone. We are the ones that screw up our chances in life, and then blame life for our mistakes.Do not look back at what you could have had, or what you shouldn't have done.The main reason for things happen the way they do is for us to learn, to better ourselves, and rise above these difficult challenges. "If you are weak in a crisis, then you are weak indeed."Regarding your oral exam...You know what you have to do, and what needs to be done. You had to struggle to get where you are. So why give up now? This is where you show life no matter what struggles come your way, you are ready for it...In other words...BRING IT !!!Bad things happen for good reasons...And now you are to take the bad and make them good. Life has no sweet words for anyone. It says "Here is a problem. What are you going to do about it?" You can run and hide, and that problem will never go away. Or you can step up and say "Give me that !! I will show what I will do it, and when I am done, I will come back for another one." That is what makes us strong.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (19 November 2014):
Ok..some tough love here..Stop dwelling on the past and focus on the here and now and the future. The past is gone..you can't change it. We all have regrets in life..some of mine are whoppers! But guess what? I can't do anything about them. I feel like I really got screwed over in life too..2 bad marriages behind me, I have been abused both mentally and physically in marriages, gave up a 4 year scholarship to marry a man and then had to work my butt off for years finish my education. I've been down, I've been broke, I've been homeless. I've had my heart ripped out by a man I loved more than myself, I've had my family turn its back on me...
See where I'm going??? We arent promised anything in life..you have to keep going, keep fighting! Some people are just luckier in life..thats for sure..and yeah..you know what? It ISN'T fair! But guess what?? No one cares...so YOU have to care.
BELIEVE in yourself! You can do it..focus on what it is you want to say during the oral exam. If I can do it..you can do it. And remember to appreciate what you do have in your life that is good ok? Its always easy to feel sorry for ourselves, but trust me, if you look around, you'll find someone worse off than you.
Good luck..you can do it! I promise that you can. Don't give up on yourself.
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