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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I always feel so insecure about my body, it's so stupid... I even get really nervous and anxious when watching movies with my boyfriend, especially the type of "dude" movies where lots of perfect boobs are shown. I never say anything in front of him, but I just feel so terrible about my body when these things happen. I feel so stupid! Or just whenever I'm with him and there are perfect females around, or beer ads with women in bikinis, and just perfect looking women in general.I know he loves me for who I am and that he won't just leave me for such a superficial thing, but it's just a thing that, I feel so bad about my body... I'm not fat, but I'm not perfectly skinny and toned. I have small boobs, bigh thighs... so really NOT perfect. The fact that my boyfriend has commented about some hot girls before also adds a bit to my anxiety.Friends and him say I'm beautiful, but I know I'm not as beautiful as these women. I just don't know what to do, short of surgery I'll never be like them. I know he doesn't expect me to be like them, I don't know, I really have no explanation as to why this affects me so much... I know he loves me, like I said, but it's just terrible thinking that I'm not giving him what most guys want, physically... I mean there's a reason why "big boobs/skinny waist/big butt/slim thighs" is the ideal, it's because men like that, my boyfriend likes that, I just wish he saw me as one of those girls and not just the average, "cute girl next door"... I just wish he'd see me as someone sexy, hot, irresistible, you know? As better than those perfect women, both inside AND out.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (23 February 2012):
 OH dear I so get what you are saying. These women are NOT perfect.
And yes the truth is all your feelings are in your head. Many men like big thighs and big butts.. and say “more than a mouthful is a waste” about boobs….. so to be honest… you are many men’s ideal body type.
I KNOW how you feel. I have a lovely fiancé he is much YOUNGER than I am and I often feel OLD and undesirable because he looks at young hot Asian ladies and starts drooling… and I think… he wants THEM not me… but in the end he wants me and he has the hardest time convincing me of this… but I’ve learned it’s true. And let me tell you why I know this is true.
1. I am 13 years older than he is. I’ll be 52 in a few weeks. I have birthed two children that are older than you are… no spring chicken here… gray hair, wrinkles, and multiple war wounds (scars etc) and yet he loves me and adores me and thinks me beautiful hot and sexy… I don’t believe it for the most part but it’s true NOW. It was not always true.
2. When we met I had just finished losing over 100 pounds. I used to be nearly 300 pounds (and at 5’2” that’s a lot) I had surgery to help me lose weight and I was literally a bag of skin that had to be corrected… so he loved me before the plastic surgery (in fact I still need another round of plastics for my butt and legs to remove the skin that makes me look like a sharpie puppy) and yet he grabs me and kisses me and tells me I’m hot and sexy and he WANTS ME!
3. What makes me know this is true is that he was not my boyfriend when we started. He was a young single guy who was happy to accept that this old lady just wanted playtime with him. I was in an open relationship that gave me the ability to have a FWB type relationship with him. He told me I was not his type but what single guy was going to turn down sex. I understood and was ok with this. Little did we know that once my marriage broke up we would fall in love and move in together)…. So here I am being with a man who told me, you are not my type… I don’t find you attractive… for about 6 months… and then all of a sudden things changed… I am still not the type to catch his eye on the street but when he sees me his face lights up and he gets that smile… and he loves me and wants me and desires me and thinks me hot and sexy and beautiful…
Basically he’s the epitome of “beauty is in the eye of the beholder” and when a man is in love you are the most beautiful thing to him no matter what YOU think.
I am going to bet 100% that your boyfriend DOES see you as hot sexy and irresistible.. You are the perfect woman inside and out FOR HIM…
I love that many of the newer stars (Adele comes to mind) are PROUD to have a bit of meat on their bones… Most men that I know don’t like very skinny girls. They have realized that a woman with a bit of padding is more desirable to hug and love.
I was sick over the summer and got down to 135 pounds and for me that left me TINY… BONY… my shoulders were bony.. my ribs stuck out.. my spine was sticking out… I looked GREAT in clothes…and I thought I looked fine… after I had picked up 10 pounds my fiancé was like “thank goodness you gained some weight you were so thin and bony”… he had actually stopped hugging me and loving on me because it was practically painful for him to hug me… I’m more padded now and I can’t keep him off of me.
I have been trying to grow my hair longer because he always admires long hair on actresses… he told me the other day “get a haircut don’t let your hair get too long” and I said “but you always admire long hair” and he said “yes on others but ON YOU I like it shorter” IT confuses the hell out of me… but it helps me see your point so clearly… what he likes in fantasy is NOT what he likes in real life.
I am not his fantasy girl but that’s not what he wants.. he wants a real woman… and I am betting your guy is exactly the same…
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (23 February 2012):
 First things first - those women are not perfect, they are surgically enhanced and airbrushed to perfection. And another thing - 'perfection' is very subjective and differs by each person you speak to. Look at Megan Fox or Angelina Jolie, they are often deemed the most attractive women on the planet, yet both are a bag of bones with small boobs. They most certinaly do not fit this idea of 'perfect' you have in your head.
Anyone who is paid to look good (like these women you are talking about) will look great, because that is their occupation. They have all the time and money in the world to work out and pay someone to cook for them. But even then, they still have flaws. Kate Moss, the British supermodel, has cellulite on her legs. No-one is perfect, even the most beautiful women have imperfections, chances are they are just airbrushed out or hidden under clothes.
Comparing yourself to an airbrushed image is fruitless, you will always feel terrible because even these women dont look that good in real life! They need hair stylists, personal trainers, make-up and stylists just to look that good - imagine if you had a team to do all that, you would look just as good!
You are an individual, you are unique and that is what makes the human race great - no-one is the same. We all have good bits and bad bits, all we can do is embrace it and make the most of what we were born with.
Your boyfriend tells you that you're beautiful - he isnt going to lie, if he didnt think you are hot then he would have left a long time ago. No man actually wants one of those girls you see in porn films or in movies, men know these girls are high-maintenance, slightly insane self-absorbed bimbos. Yes they are nice to look at, but so are Brad Pitt and George Clooney! Do all us girls want our men to look like Gerard Butler in 300? No, we know that was airbrushed and while his bum was lovely to look at in all its naked glory we know that was a film and not real life.
Everything you see in movies is pretty fake, these perfect boobs you claim to see are more often than not fake boobs. Is fake perfect? Or is natural beauty perfect? To me, natural is always going to trump fake, because you are not pretending to be something you are not. If you are so shallow that you have to put yourself through major surgery just to conform to some hollywood ideal then you really need to get a better outlook on life - these women really are just airheads that think spending thousands on a boob job is going to make them happy, they forget that boobs do not equal happiness and men love all boobs, big or small! Men are just happy to see any boobs, regardless of size!
Small boobs (in my opinion anyway) are more beautiful than big boobs (I am someone with large breasts) because they dont sag, they dont get stretch marks and they look great in all clothes. They never look trashy, you can wear backless dresses or tops without a bra....oh the list could go on. I wish every day mine were smaller!
I know it is hard to maintain perspective when you are not happy with your body - but instead of comparing yourself to something that is not real, maybe try putting your energy into making yourself feel sexy? If you are unhappy with your body then do a bit more sport, take up a new hobby or join a gym. If you want to feel hot and sexy rather than like the girl next door, get a new haircut, buy some new make-up and experiment with a new style (like smoky eyes or red lipstick), buy some sexy lingerie and put on a great pair of heels. Anyone can feel sexy regardless of shape and size if you make a bit of effort.
So if you live in jeans and a t-shirt and dont really do much with your hair or make-up then do something different, even copy one of these girls that you think are 'perfect' and take inspiration from their style and interpret it in your own way.
Anyone can be sexy if they want to - you just need to make it happen. You dont need big boobs to be sexy, 99% of supermodels have tiny boobs yet they are still gorgeous - make the most of what you have got.
Dont let these fake women hold you back, stop comparing yourself to them because it is absolutely pointless. You are gorgeous just the way you are, your boyfriend clearly thinks that so be happy and forget about these women you have seen. There are more important things in life!
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2012): try to be the best you can be... exercise.. watch what you eat.. and drink plenty of water.. and dress up and just be yourself..
You can atleast be the best of what you can be.. i'm not saying you to diet.. i'm saying you to exercise... and eat fruits , veggies, nuts, yoghurts..
but i agree tell him you don't like him commenting about other girls..
now exercise , stay fit and beautiful.. and he will be all yours..
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (23 February 2012):
 Tell him his comments about other women make you feel insecure. He should know your feelings on that. In terms of wanting to make yourself sexy... its easy. An outfit and sexy heels and a serious crave for dick. Be very spontaneous about putting on the outfit like make it random. If there is something else you feel u can do well do it. Maintain that sexual confidence u have with him. It will help. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (23 February 2012):
 Just because he has commented about girls with big boobs and small thighs doesn't mean that that's the type of girl he craves. He's with you so he obviously finds you attractive and hot or why would he bother sticking round. The fact is that most of the world's women are not super slim with perfect proportions. We al have lumps and bumps and imperfections and things we loath about ourseves and that's just the way it is. When you love you for who you are then you will be the most beautiful person in the world!
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A
female
reader, DanceInTheDark  +, writes (23 February 2012):
 How do you know what he doesn't see you as someone sexy, hot, and irresistible, have you asked him? Has he told you this? If he has he's kind of a jerk.
You're insecure, I understand. I've been in that spot so many times, feeling like you aren't the 'ideal' and because you aren't that you can't be sexy, or be what he wants. I'm going to bet your boyfriend has said none of what you're insecure about. If that's so, that's good. It means it's all in your head.
So Heres my advice. You need to talk to him about this, you need to hear from him how sexy he thinks you are. It's only going to be effective if it comes from him.
See, while you might think you are at a disadvantage, you aren't. Those 'perfect' women, they are in movies, magazines, TV ads. They may seem threatening, but they really aren't, they're just standing there, being pretty.
See you have the advantage, you can seduce him, you can make him feel wanted, you can give him that sexual tension.
Try wearing a low cut shirt around him, try going bra less. Seduce him. Wearing something revealing and scandalous around him. See how he reacts, I bet you'll be surprised.
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