A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:looking for any advice about this situation. i have been friends with this girl since we were 8 years old, we have grown up together same schools and friendship groups. we got close at 15, seeing each other all the time, skyping and texting everyday. just before we turned 18 we got incredibly close and slept together a few times. she was in a vulnerable state, bad homelife and just broken up with an abusive boyfriend. i think she wanted a relationship with me but we got into an argument and i said a few things i regret. she walked out of my life. earlier this year we started hanging out again (with a mutual friend as well) the more time we spend together the more i realized how much i love her. i cant stop thinking about her. problem is i had to watch her get married last weekend and she also has a child with her now husband, a 2year old daughter. seeing her with her child makes me realize how much i messed up sometimes when im round her house i'll just pretend shes my wife and her daughter is my baby. how do i deal with this? i cant not have her in my life, but i want her. i cant stand her husband hes too controlling and i don't think shes truly happy. i wish i had stopped the wedding! i love her so much! how do i move on?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (26 September 2012):
 Sorry Buddy but this ship has set sail. You have no other option than to turn around and walk away. If you stick around and try to pretend stuff you will be just be postponing the inevitable.
A
female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (25 September 2012):
 Well you say you can't not have her in your life but that's exactly what you have to do. You are torturing yourself by being around a woman you can't be with. Every time you see her then have to leave while she stays with her husband is torture. Also it isn't appropriate for anyone to remain friends with a married person they are in love with. It will get out there somehow and her husband will forbid her to see you, which she will. Rather than face the hurt and the drama just move on now. It's just like a break up, you need to move on and seeing your ex everyday is hindering your ability to do so. You can explain to her you feel more than just friendship and find it inappropriate to remain friends so you can't speak to her anymore.
This has happened to me with a male friend that decided he couldn't do it. It's one reason why I don't think males and females can be close friends, especially if they have had sex/a relationship in the past.
The only way you can get past the hurt is to get her out of your life. She has a husband and a child now, there's no place for you to be pretending like she is yours. It's sad and hard but must be done for you to move on.
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