A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am miserable. Year and something after a break up. It was long and hard. I love this guy ... I really do and I just cant see myself w anyone else. I tried ... We dont talk ... we dont see each other. I know he is with someone else ... but I have strong feelings for him. we went through a lot . ... break up was cause of his family issues .. and also he couldnt take the fact he cheated on me when abroad .. he said he will raether be without me, than live next to me knowing he did it ... I know he loved me ... everyone knew and was suprised when we broke up.the thing is ... my chest hurts everytime i think of him, i love him, i dream of him, i have been crying all year and something ... i see him when i wake up, i go sleep knowing ill dream of him. i wish i could hate him, forget him and all that .. but its not happening my friends cant take looking at my unhappiness anymore and said, that i should fight for him if i love him so much, but i dont know what to do .. i never done anything like this, i never loved anyone like this ... im confused .... has anyone any help for me ?????
View related questions:
a break, broke up, cheated on me Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (25 September 2009):
 Don't be so quick to say "NO MEDICATION"! Sometimes your brain chemistry gets a little out of whack and you wind up in a cycle that you can't break out of. That's what happened to me. Medication set me free and has given me my life, my joy, my energy, my everything back. I have a good doctor who took a very careful history and prescribed the right one for me. It's worked, and it's like the sun is shining on me again.
That being said, I've also made a major effort to make myself balanced and healthy through good nutrition, vigorous exercise (I have a charity endurance event I'm training for), yoga, lots of contact with friends. I read somewhere recently that exercising vigorously (running, the elliptical, rowing, cycling, swimming, etc) so that you burn at least 350 calories 5 times a week basically can eliminate depression. You must see your doctor first to make sure you are healthy enough for this type of exercise.
Yoga has been great. There are all kinds of yoga, find the one that speaks to you, but I find the breathing exercises very helpful and you can learn techniques to combat depression or anxiety as well. There are poses and deep relaxation exercises that can really clear the crap out of your head and center you.
I exercise with friends--that I think has been the key to really being successful with it.
Good nutrition, you know what's bad for you. Don't eat it. Sounds easy enough, I know it's hard to do, but make smart choices every day. Again, your doctor should be able to direct you here as well.
You sound a bit desperate, consider perhaps some talk therapy, group therapy or one-on-one counseling, just to get you a bit more grounded and thinking straight.
First stop though is the doctor's office. Just pick up the phone tomorrow and make the appointment, then go in and be honest and straightforward about everything.
Good luck, you can do this.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI DO NOT WANT TO END UP ON MEDICATION !!
Is there another option? Some overcounter stuff for depresion? Vitamins? I dont know .. something
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2009): So you have recognized that you have some major depression going on here, so your answer is a fatalistic: it will take another 20 years to find someone?
Stop doing this to yourself and seek some help, otherwise you are going to drive people away from you, even your friends who love you are going to get depressed after awhile dealing with you....but do this for yourself, get some help and you will see how it will literally change your life.
This guy is not worth it and he isn't the issue....this is something that you cannot will yourself out of...so take the first step and make a drs appointment.
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (22 September 2009):
Girl, he's not coming back. Don't fight for him because you're only going to end up even more hurt. Socialize more, meet other guys and see what happens. You're not going to get over him for a while, but you should at least just be around other guys so you know there are others out there. There will be another one out there for you who will love you. All the best.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey
Thanks guys/ I definetly think I do have some dperession going on in here....and it is not a small one either.
I been going out w friends nonstop, crying my eyes over and over and over agian...I was trying to meet up w guys ... I actually realy liked one ... until the time was to have something more than justfriendship I backed up .. I couldnt have him touch me and kiss me ... I went to bathroom and cried my eyes out .. maybe its normal I dont know ... maybe Im just screwed up in my head ....
I know I shouldnt show my ex how desparate i am. Eventho friends tell me ... writehim letter telling u still love him,but dont expect anything back .. that way you will know you have done everything, to figth for him in a good way ... and maybe that will help you knwing he just dont care.
HIs close friends tell me, he is not happy. His gf is really ugly girl but maybe sheis a nice person i dontk now ... and like they say "love is blind".
He didnt cheat on me by sleeping w her ... he just was making out w her or whatever. He was torn into 2 directions .. his father was trying to make him leave me, cause i am not the same religion and nationality .... i was trying to make him believe we can get htrough this, ... and than there was this girl, that i guess made him feel like she doesnt want anything from him .... i dont know ...
its hard understanding what have happened
and i definetly see you guys had the same issues
and i guess it just takes another 20 years until i find someone that will love me again.
unfortunately living in NYC is almost impossible to find someone. people just play games here and no one wants to settle down ... to many opportunities .. to many choises ...
thank u guys
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2009): You don't need to fight for him, he needs to fight for you...but he didn't, he let you go. (By the way, in the future if he comes back begging for your love because he is lonely, you shouldn't give in. Again, it will be about his need and not the love you want from him.)About 6 months ago I was in you position. I met a wonderful guy (I thought he was perfect) 3 yrs ago. We had sooo much in common and everyone commented on our chemistry. Well, he ended up seeing another woman while he was seeing me because he was living abroad. He got her pregnant. (I had to find this out the embarrassing way. Someone told me and assumed I knew.)So, no longer was he perfect but I had this image of us built in my mind of how happy we were and how perfect we were together. I had everything pegged down to the way our life was going to be in the future...the children we would have, the work that we could share together. BUT THAT WAS ALL IN MY HEAD.It took a long time to bring myself to the truth which is he could have had me. He knew how I felt about him and still he made the choice to be with someone else. He made me look like a fool. He gave me up as if I was nothing. And yet, I felt like you: Maybe I should hold out for him. I can't stop thinking about him so it must be meant to be. The reason why you can't stop thinking about him is because you haven't realized just how unfair and inconsiderate he has been to you. He betrayed you and made you into a fool. His actions made your relationship a lie. I know in your mind the wonderful things outweigh the bad thing. But the bad thing is huge and you need to realize that and accept it. He is not the wonderful guy you thought he was. You need to move on from him because he will only continue to wreck your life.Hang in there!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2009): I was like you once. I thought I met the right girl then one day it was all gone. I blamed myself even though I knew she was the one doing the wrong. I hated myself for loving her. No matter what I did I couldn't get her out and everything I saw reminded me of her. I felt sick to my stomach and I didn't want to do it anymore. I called a close friend and I cried to her and told her how I felt and how I wanted to give up. But...I figured...if I at least had this close friend...then all isn't lost. I don't need to find a new love, I just need to learn to love myself again. With the very little hope I had, I put down the metaphorical knife and tried to live again. I'm very happy now. I've met some new people in my life who have uplifted me. I guess a big part of moving on was accepting what happened. I stopped looking for hidden meanings and reasons from the past. I decided to live in the "now". I have changed but not a lot...I just learned a lot and I'm just moving on. If you have someone you can cry to, just reach out to that person and try to let it out. If not then I hope you have been able to let it out a little with telling us your story.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2009): You sound clinically depressed, not in love. I think you should start with getting a physical to check your overall health...and to have a talk with your doctor about all of your symptoms. You may need antidepressants to start to feel better. I don't think you should make any decisions about anything until you get some treatment and some help.
Possibly talk therapy would help you immensely as well to sort things out. I think you would be best to just move on, your ex broke up with you and he has moved on, clearly. He is with someone else and you can't fight for him and break his realtionship up, then you would really be with him and gain what, a cheater?
Think, don't feel and get some professional/medical help. It is the best thing you will do for yourself in your life. You can be happy again, but you have to do the work and take the steps to get there.
Take care...and put your focus on you instead of this man. What is this distracting you from in your life that needs your attention?
...............................
|
