A
female
age
36-40,
*am4Me
writes:Okay I'm a 14 year old girl and recently I have found out that I'm a little obsessed with this one girl in my school. Last year I thought it was because I was jealous that she was prettier than me, and this obsession has been there since I first met her. I'm not really on speaking terms with her. This may sound creepy but I'm on the yearbook committee, and I will take out the card that we upload to the computer and say I want pictures just as a reason to stare at her. I live just around the corner from her and we ride the same bus and there are a lot of elementary school kids and they get off first. Then there is enough room for kids to move. Since after that there are not many kids she moves to a seat with no one around her. I usually move to a seat next to her and she just ignores me, but she does not make a fuss about it. I'm wondering, should I ask her out? I really like her. And it might even be more than that. What do you think? I need help!
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male
reader, Candleman +, writes (22 September 2009):
 You need to be very very careful how you approach this. I looked some things up for you and here is what I found. About 6 percent of American teen-agers are gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered, according to most estimates, and 83 percent report experiencing name-calling and threats at school, according to a national study conducted by the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network. 6% is a very low figure, and when I recall my high school days, 6% would be a high estimate. This means that the likelihood that she shares the same feelings as you is not too good. So what happens if you express yourself and it gets out, which if she does not share these feelings she will no doubt tell people? 83% reported experiencing name calling and threats...That is a very high number. People will talk behind your back this is 100% guaranteed. Your life will change and it could very easily become psychologically difficult for you in school. I am far from saying that who you are and how you feel is wrong. I am a very open minded liberal person. There is NOTHING wrong with it. The problem is that who you are is a minority, and because of this, the ruthlessness of the masses can make your life a living hell. Especially in high school. I am just pointing out what, according to the stats, will probably happen so that you can assess if you are ready to take such a bold move in your life. To me, this means you have to approach this very very cautiously. Perhaps get to know her as friends first and then broach the idea of homosexuality and get her response. I have to stress here that I don't think you should live in a shell about who you are. It is just that when you decide to come out, then be ready for the onslaught of the masses. Also, are you sure that you are gay. It really does seem like it to me, but perhaps you need to explore your identity more in order to be sure. You can possibly go online and find another girl your age in your area who feels the same way that you can explore these feelings and this side of you to better understand yourself. Do this prior to coming out to the world. Because if you come out and get labeled, that label will stick with you for the rest of your high school days and you could end up suffering simply because you were curious. Also, do more research in the high schools around you and see if anyone is openly gay at this time that you may find attractive. If you find someone that is and you feel a connection, then you can explore in a safer way to understand your true identity. I wish you the best and good luck.
A
female
reader, leo3 +, writes (22 September 2009):
 i think that before you decide to ask her out you should try talking to her first. i mean you might be obsessed with how she looks and stuff, but you might want to get to know her before making a decision like that, who knows? maybe it will work, but maybe after seeing what shes really like you might not be that interested
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2009): Tricky! You need to really evaluate your feelings. Are you normally attracted to girls or just her. Find out who you are first. Talk to her about a class u have in common or something like that. Develop a friendship don't just ask her out that could cause problems.
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