A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:right, so ive been with my boyfriend a while now, 2 and a half years, and were in love. well I'M in love, and i think he is too, he just doesnt really show it anymore.you know what its like being in a new relationship, you're getting to know each other and its exciting and fun and you're always trying to impress eachother. It's as you get further into the relationship you start to get more comfortable, that spark fades and although you love eachother and still find eachother attractive, it gets more routine and you start to miss the feeling of being desired.i lost my virginity to my boyfriend, and at first we couldnt keep our hands off eachother. i still kiss and cuddle him, but the only time he comes over to me is when he wants sex. ive had confidence issues lately and he tells me when i look nice clothes wise, but he doesnt want my body because hes commented on my slight weight gain. i enjoy going for meals out together but even though he likes it too, hes not very romantic when it comes to conversation, he likes to argue for the sake of arguing. Ive suggested days out together, theres a night coming up that i thought would be so romantic to go to together, and he "jokingly" was making up excuses why he couldnt go. we went away together last christmas which was so romantic, but this year he's insisted on bringing friends with us. i miss him when i dont see him or talk to him for even just a day, he seems too laid back to notice. i tell him i love him all the time, he says it back but i worry he doesnt mean it half as much as i do.does anyone see my problem here?i want us to go back to a time where he was interested in talking to me, getting to know me intimately and emotionally, i miss the kind of attention he used to give me, and when i try and approach the subject he gets annoyed and tells me im nagging. i dont know what else to do. i just want to feel wanted by him! apart from the romantic side, hes generous, hes funny, handsome, hes my best friend but i worry thats all he sees me as. what should i do?
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male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (20 September 2009):
 Mmmm... there's two sides to every story. He may think that youre not very romantic aswell. Kissing and cuddling isnt necessarily romantic. Try doing something over the top romantic, something that shows that you've put a lot of effort in to show how much you love him.I remember coming to my girlfriends unit at easter to be greeted by a nice note on the door. So I went inside and the entire place had been transformed into like a forest with green streamers hanging from the roof, little candles and a trail of mini easter eggs. After a few more little notes saying nice things about me, it led me into the bedroom which had like a see-thru sheet hanging from the roof and there was my girlfriend in a skimpy outfit with playboy bunny ears on her head. Not only was it really cheap but it was completely unexpected, romantic and demanded attention. It was her way of doing something nice, but it was also her way of saying that she wanted me to be more romantic and after that I really wanted to be, (cos I loved her sure) but also because I knew it would come back around in another unexpected and romantic way. It can be really fun trying to top each others romantic gesture :) But as the relationship goes on you have to expect things to get a bit like routine. I guess the point is, if you want him to be more romantic, do something really romantic and see if he reacts. To start a fire, someone has to make a spark.Best of luck :)
A
female
reader, QuirkLady  +, writes (20 September 2009):
 I suggest that you retreat a tiny bit and see if he steps up his game. Sometimes after a while our partners get complacent and we have to remind them that we need to be desired too. Right now you are doing all the work of keeping it romantic and, frankly, it sounds like he's gotten lazy and is taking you for granted. Honey, put that man to work!
Start going out on your own more and enjoying activities that don't involve him. Don't make him the center of your world anymore and make it a little harder for him to get your affection.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (20 September 2009):
 The best way to deal with this is to ask him if your weight really matters. If he truly loves you, he's looking at you and not your thighs or any other part that he thinks is overweight.
Another issue here is you should at least tell him you miss him just coming to you and cuddling with you. It seems you're doing all the affectionate work, and he isn't.
As for the new relationship experience, its true. At the beginning everything's nice and shiny new. And it seems that luster faded. You can fix that with taking up things that you both enjoy doing with a passion. Whatever it is. It could be flying kites, boating, parachute jumping. You name it. Whatever it is when you engage in activities that you both enjoy, it adds a great deal of experiences together. It builds some memories and a history. And it helps keep your attraction going.
Finally, you have to honestly see if he respects you as a person. If he does, then all of this is possible. If he's having problems with that, then its something you two need to work on together. He has to respect you or else its unfair to you.
It seems from what you've written that you genuinely adore him and try hard to shower him with your affections. He should be happy and proud of that and return the favor without even hesitating.
On the other hand, the two of you are young and maybe he hasn't figure it out that he needs to be physically affectionate with you too, outside of just plain sex.
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