A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:We were classmates in highschool, at first I didn't like her much but after a year or two I got a crush on her. Unfortunately she was already in love with other classmate and soon after, she got married and had a kid with him. Seven years have passed after our graduation, she is still married and I (this is going to sound crazy) I still feel some kind of platonic love for her!!! Two months ago I broke up some long term relationship, and soon after I found out that I have never really loved that girl, nor the girl before her, in fact I have never loved any of my girlfriends! SHE is my only true love although I have never been with her! I feel so close to her even if I don't see her for a year (when I was working in other town), almost every night when I go in bed i am thinking of her, every morning I woke up I also think of her.In reality we are good friends, not so close though, but every time I see her and talk to her I feel so GOOOOD! I even don't think about sex, I am just happy to be close to her.My question is: How can I help myself? I am so sure that there is no right person for me but HER, and I think that she even doesn't know that I like her:-(((Maybe I should cut my ear off and send her via mail like Van Gogh did :-) Really I don't think time is going to cure this.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2009): this doesn't have to be so tragic after all. your true someone is out there, you just need to be open minded, and actively persue it. what do you think you love about this girl? she fell in love with another classmate, married him and had his kid. she definately had plans with him and is with him by choice. she is still faithful and still loves her man.you, you are still hurting, some wistful thinking on your path, some if only's. but slowly, surely you need and must carry on or else it will indeed be tragic and you can die from a broken heart. you are still so young, please seek more guidance and counselling and please love is so precious. millions are seeking it, you go strive to find it with someone else. please don't just settle. I pray that yes you find deep, passionate, fulfilling love. you will be amazed what a difference it will make in your life. i wish you well.
A
female
reader, Original shiraz!  +, writes (16 April 2009):
It seems you have fell really deep. Its been proven that time will not cure this! But the harsh relaity is she has somebody whom she has a child by, its so hard i know and like i say time wont help you this time but the truth will. Do you really see a future with this woman? a woman who could well be happy and settled with her family? She is complelety unaware of how your feeling even less now that you are older and you have never once given any sign. Its a question i have to ask, do you ever feel you left it too late to ask her? I think looking over everthing now you really need to move on and see this as something that will never be and could never be.
She has her life now and you need to start and move on with yours, im trying not to be hard but i need to be blunt as i think even deep down you know its a never thing. Even if you did talk to her its too late now.
I know that wont change how you are feeling but you cant spend your life living in the past.
Its not crazy to feel likt this, i think she meant a lot to you and that first love feeling never goes away even if you see her 50 years down the line that buzz and love feeling wont go away, itll fade but itll never fully leave you.
Shes the one you cant have and if you feel anything for her the one you should let go. Shed want you to be happy in your life and i think if she knew she would make it clear you didnt have a future as she has her life but i bet shed want you to be living yours, so go and do that before it gets to late. Time doesnt wait and this is another of those unfair things in life that you hate but cant debate.
You really need to move on and find your future, you will feel love again but in this situation it wont come knocking at your door, its obvious your still pining for somebody and this will put anybody off as it seems your heart and mind is elsewhere but there at a place that will never welcome them in so its something you need to walk aways from. Its something that cant be for all the right reasons, it was this way for a some reason and while its so nice to believe in the fairytale that this could have a very happy ending the reality is a lot more sharp and realistic for you.
Im sorry its not the answer you really wanted but deep down you know the truth, your love wont go away but it needs to find another, a healthy happy relationship full of future possibilities. You fell in love with a girl you cant have, shes now a woman with a family whos no longer available. She has a seperate life with other priorities if you want the best for her then do the right thing and try and move one.
You will find happiness, best of luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2009): Ugh. Welcome to my world. I am continually having feelings for my professor even though I am married and have been for eight months.
You will just have to deal with these feelings. Once you have made up your mind about someone, it is difficult to let them go, but you are an adult and you are expected to do the right thing. Causing your friend to have an affair would not be the right thing. Trying to break up her and her husband would probably cause her to break off the friendship. If you tell her your feelings, she might do this "fade away" thing on you, which is called avoiding phone calls, avoiding you, yeah....
Just do what you think is right. And I know, it is a shame for something beautiful such as the feeling of love to be kept secret, to be kept away, for no one to see until the one you love dies or you die or both.
Just ponder your decisions and figure out what will be best for you. You can control what you do, but you can't control what other people do or how they will react to what you do or say.
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