A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i kinda have this friends with benefits thing but i hardly see him these days as i wanted more than just sex. Anyway, i went round his the other night and we chilled for a bit but then i decided to go without having sex, for the reason i said above. Anyway, he pinned me down on the bed and tried to get his dick in me anyway,but i kept on saying that i really didn't want it. I don't think he understood that i was being really serious. i tried to force him off me but he is much stronger. Anyway, he was like, what are you playing at? he accused me of 'teasing him' by coming round to see him and not having sex.I am a bit disturbed about what happened that night. I have never had sex before when i have not wanted it. I feel really violated.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2009): Why did you go to his house? Every other time, you've gone for sex and he assumed that's what you came for. After all, he's made it clear he doesn't want a relationship so you couldn't have gone to talk.
I don't want to say he raped you, but I'm curios to why you had gone to his place.
A
female
reader, love-struckxo  +, writes (4 June 2009):
 Go to the police or confide in a trusted friend or family member. You can't just brush this under the rug, you NEED to deal with it, or else you might end up with more serious issues growing up.
What exactly does a rapist look like? You say he didn't look like one. I didn't know you could tell just by looking at the person..
Sorry this had to happen to you
Please please, take care.
xx
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A
female
reader, vamp-gal +, writes (4 June 2009):
 Hey,
Yeah you should feel violated because you said no to him, and he still went through with it.
Sorry, I know this is the same as what everyone else is saying, but it's the truth.
This guy had absoloutly no right to do what he did. Who cares if you're friends with benifits? When someone says no, it means no. Not yes. Not maybe. Not right now. No.
I agree with waciehawks. What happens if he decides to do this to someone else? He didn't seriously hurt you phsyically, but if he thinks he can get away with it this time, what's to stop him from doing it again?
And teasing him? Friends with Benifits, why can't you just hang out as friends without the benifits once in a while? What is there some kind of rule book saying what is and isn't allowed?
Highly doubtful, and even if there is in some messed up universe rape is just wrong pure and simple and I'm sure even they would agree.
This is serious, really serious. The police should be notified, if you're not comfortable doing it by yourself talk to a trusting friend or a family member and they can help you through this.
He's 25, he knows the law and he should know to treat women with respect (and vice versa from women to men)
Bottom line is that you didn't want to have sex with him that night. Plain and simple.
If it had happened to a friend or someone you care about, then what would you think? Would you still think it mattered if he didn't realize? Or would you want justice for your friend?
You have to take a step back from the situation to get a clearer view. Just because you know him and don't think he is capable of something like that otherwise doesn't mean he's not.
He can't get away with what he did. He needs to know that it is wrong and that you won't let him get away with it.
It doesn't matter that you have both had sex with one another before, this time was wrong because you didn't want it to be like that that night.
You probably felt strange because you felt you could trust this guy it felt different because you said no and he did it anyway.
He disrespected you and your wishes. He heard you say no but went through with it, he couldn't have misunderstood you trying to get away from him, you said it yourself he asked you why you came if you didn't want to have sex, he knew you didn't want it.
I know I'm repeting myself here but you need to understand what he did was wrong and unjustified.
Don't let him think that it's Ok to do to someone else. Next time he could do it to someone who is completely unaware of what is about to happen that could cause major trust problems in the future and some people it could affect them badly, really badly. It's sick the kind of things that happen.
Good Luck with everything!
I really hope this helps!
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A
female
reader, waciehawks +, writes (3 June 2009):
'25 and really good looking, not as rapist'....What does a rapist look like??You're between 16 or 17 it says in your profile and he's 25....I know in the UK that's over the age of consent but its still pretty significant.He's raped you, regardless if he is a FWB. You DID NOT want it and he forced you. Get it reported and don't let him get away with it! The next person he tries it on with, he could seriously hurt them...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2009): I'm really sorry but he did rape you, I seriously suggest that you report him. What he did was entirely and completely wrong and not your fault in the slightest, the police will understand entirely. Please please report him! Good luck, i hope you're ok xxxxx
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A
female
reader, Shannon Williams  +, writes (3 June 2009):
 I think you feel raped cos you have been raped indeed, I think it's difficult to set limits when you get off and so on and it's easy to feel confused but if you tell sombody to stop and they don't then it's a rape don't feel guilty about it it's not your fault at all
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A
male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (3 June 2009):
 Please go to the police, your FWBs is nothing more than a rapist!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2009): i am the original poster.the thing is, i really don't think he reolized i was being serious, becuase i often take his hands off me when he tries to iniciate things.and he is like 25 and really good looking, he's not like a rapist.but i guess it felt not good at the time.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2009): That's rape sweetie. Tell someone, when you said no, and he goes on he is doing it without your consent. Tell someone so he doesn't do it again. Cut all ties with him and don't look back-he's not worth it.
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