A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am in a relationship with a man for 13 years. He is 50 and I am 42. He has never invited me out and neither have I met his family or friends. We use to talk on the phone regularly at nights and on weekends. We are intimate once every week from we met until now. We both live alone. He viits me and I visits him sometimes but the vistis are scheduled. Recently he has become distant and stopped calling regularly and we have been intimate sometimes once are twice per month. I got frustrated and told him I have gotten the message and painful as it will be I will have to accept the inevitable. He said things don't feel the same anymore. I tried calling him and he has stopped taking my calls and he hasn't been calling me either. I know it is over but finding it hard to accept. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, islanddream +, writes (11 July 2013):
Thanks all for your answers. I truly appreciate your honesty and for opening my eyes some more. For the persons who ask if he is married, the answer is NO. He lives alone. He lived with a woman once and he said after 13 years with her she moved out and left him. That was before I met him 2 years after. From that he is not interested in living with anyone again. He is also a workaholic. he does everything for himself, cook iron, wash his truck, etc. We were best friends and lovers so hence my staying in it for so long. I now know that I want more out of it but I guess he is not willing to give me that. Again my thanks.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2013): 13 years of once a week sex but no involvement in his life, sounds like an unhealthy relationship. Or rather it was a non-relationship, it was more of an "arrangement". Why was there no involvement beyond sex? Was he marries or seeing someone else and you were the mistress? Why would you participate in this type of situation for so long? It's better that it ended since it was not healthy and you weren't prepared to get yourself out if he didn't end it.
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A
female
reader, prettysweetgal  +, writes (10 July 2013):
 I am very sorry you are going through this. I was in the same situation. He told me he could not see me anymore. It was primarily a physical relationship and he told me he had no emotional connection to me. That right there said all I need to know and hear. Why would I waste my time on a man who had no emotional connection to me? It sounds like he was just enjoying the sex with you... likely on the side of another relationship. This explains the once a week dates and never making your relationship public. The signs are all there.You perhaps chose to ignore them because he has been meeting a need in you. Maybe you had great chemistry but in the end, that would not be enough without emotional connection and a man who is willing to truly invest in you.I know you are hearing everyone tell you to move on and you can do better. This is true. But it does not take the pain away. It is going to be very hard for awhile. You will cry. You will feel alone. You will watch other couples who are happy and ask yourself why not you? The fact he was not good enough will not erase the hurt. I know this. There is nothing worse than heartbreak. I cried day and night and was in a deep form of depression. But eventually the sun does shine again and you do move on. You will find someone who truly cares about you.Until then, take care of yourself. Do not isolate yourself. Talk to family and friends. Get support. Try to do things that make you happy. If you have to shut yourself off from the world for a few days and have a good cry, do it. This is all necessary for healing. You gave your heart to another person. To have them walk away in such a cold manner after you have invested so much in them is very devastating.He sounds like a very selfish person. What you need to do is tell yourself he was not a good man. He treated you very poorly. Think about all the things he is and get mad at him. Hate him. Do not glorify him. Do not think he was some amazing person that you lost. You did not lose. You see, you gained. Because you will be able to find someone worthy now. But you will have to go through the pain. I am sorry about that. It is the withdrawal phase of all the feel good chemicals that he brought to you. Almost like an addiction. Try to exercise. This helped me through my darkest times. If you don't already, join a gym, take an exercise class. Please seriously consider this. Physical fitness helped me through the darkness. I will stand by that. And I recommend it to anyone who has had their heart broken. Not only will you be getting feel good endorphins but you will be around others. The last thing right now you will want to do is be around others but trust me, this will help when you are ready. Please start to exercise asap. It will change everything. Some of the side effects include self confidence, positive self image and feeling good... all qualities that go a long way towards attracting the opposite sex.Take Care of yourself. Hugs to you. xxxxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2013): Was your ex a married man? Sounds like he was. You are better off without him even although it doesnt seem so at the moment.
Be grateful it has ended because you sound like you gave and he took all the time. When a man says it doesnt feel the same it means he has mentally left the relationship long before he broke it off. I think he may of found someone new.
Go out and about with friends and family. Everytime he pops up in your mind instantly try and focus on something else. If you cant then just say into yourself. We are over move on and it helps your sub conscience to accept your over and you tend to dream less about them.
Take care and remember that you are worth more than what he was willing to give you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2013): Hi. I.m sorry you are not feeling ok. You deserve more than once a week,and to be included in his life. He.s selfish. Try to look at the positive side. Now you are free to find someone who will give you time,and a relationship you deserve. One day you will look back at this,and wonder why you stuck around whilst he gave you next to nothing,and you.ll be glad it ended. Have faith. You.ll be fine. X
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2013): It wasn't much of a relationship, you deserve to be treated better. It's hard because it was something you were used to. Keep yourself busy, make plans with your friends or family. Better men are out there, don't waste time on someone like him.
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A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (9 July 2013):
To get over him try and look at the bright side: you've been in what sounds like little more than a friends with benefits relationship for thirteen years, now you are free to find someone who is willing to offer you what you really want.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (9 July 2013):
 Even though you wern't 'official' with him, it was a relationship and like other relationships that brek down, sometimes you just have to accept it's over and move on.
We seem to assume that the length of time we are with someone is an indicator for it's strength...but sadly even the most enduring relationships can come to an end (even those that have been going on for decades)
People's feelings change and they tend to grow apart...it's hard to accept but it happens all the time. These days, with internet access making it much easier for people to connect with others outside of their relationship, it's becoming more common for people to change their minds and want to move on to someone new.
There are also a growing number of people who are choosing the single life after a long relationship because they have more time to be themselves and can be free to do whatever they want. Current trends indicate that by 2020 over 50% of households will be single adult occupancy (kids notwithstanding) which shows that long committed relationships are in decline.
You have to do what we have all done when we got our heart broken...accept it and move on with the help of family and friends.
It's really upsetting, but it happens to the best of us!
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A
female
reader, inspiring 13 +, writes (9 July 2013):
Dear Anonymous,
it must be very painful to breakup
with boyfriend. You have to give
yourself time to grief for your
loss.
I think your boyfriend should have
taken you out to movies dinner etc.
and to meet his family. You deserve
better and he is very inconsiderate.
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