A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Well I can't really ask what to do without first explaining my situation.My ex-girlfriend was with me for almost 2 years. One month in our relationship she left me for my best friend. A week after THAT, he broke up with her and she begged to have me back. So I took her back. However, I was scared of losing her again so I tried to restrict her from doing things by keeping her with me at all times, to avoid contact with another boy and history repeating itself. Take note she was my first girlfriend and I didn't really know how to act. Years passed and finally, all the controlling made her snap and she left me. But all this time being with her, I still love her and words can't describe how much I want her back. So can anyone, anyone at all tell me how I can get her back?Another thing...after the breakup I...severely got hurt, which made me see the light that the way I treated her was wrong. I constantly told her I wouldn't be the same controlling jerk I was before, but she won't believe me.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Phoebe Halliwell  +, writes (7 August 2010):
 hey again :)
Have you tried mending bridges with your best friend? You must have been best friends for a reason and you shouldn't let a girl have come between you. Talk to him and make sure you both try to put friendship before girls next time.
If she won't talk to you at all then all you can do is lay off, give her space. Maybe if you stop trying to contact her for a while but keep yourself available she'll see you're not still trying to control her and may come back of her own accord. But seriously, at this age you're not likely to be together forever. If she still doesn't come around, try to get over her and find someone else who makes you happy. Because you deserve that :)
xxx
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (6 August 2010):
Hi there. Inside a relationship or even a friendship, there needs to be a certain amount of freedom to be yourself, without any expectations - meaning, to have your own friends and own hobbies and interests. That way you are each responsible for your own happiness instead of depending on the other to make you happy. It takes a lot of pressure off both of you.
If either of you wants to keep tabs on the other's movements and keeping them under control by not allowing them to go out at all, there will be problems and a feeling of being stifled. There will also be arguments and unhappiness. You both need to be able to completely be yourself without too much compromise.
Perhaps you were wanting more than she did. She might not have been ready for a serious relationship.
Try just being friends for the moment, and keep contact by phone only (say once a week or fortnight), and don't go out at all, except maybe for a cup of coffee at a cafe now and again. And just get on with your own life in the meantime, making it and yourself much more interesting. You will find you don't NEED her so much as you think you do, and will become much more independent and therefore a lot less demanding as a bonus. It will make you a much more attractive young man as well.
Hope this helps. Best Wishes.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo Phoebe:
She won't talk to me. She won't answer my calls, my messages, she just ignores me. My friend however still talks to her (he's much older so I was never worried about her falling for him), he would relay messages between me and her. She says she doesn't believe I've changed and simply wants me out of her life. I tried to tell her I've changed and she can be free to do what she wants and still be with me, unlike before, but she won't listen.
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A
female
reader, kylapaige +, writes (6 August 2010):
tell her how you feel about her.. tell her your sorry and she was the best thing that ever happend to you.. you'll do anything to have her back...
my ex bf was the same way..
he always wanted me around him.. but i did love him.. he just moved :(
tell her everything.. tell her you'll never do it again.. you just didnt want to lose her.. cuz u love her so much... a hope she will come back.. hey if she dont it prob. wasnt ment to be.. :( sry
-luv kylapaige :)
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (6 August 2010):
 Yep I agree with Phoebe your GF sounds a bit flighty. Move on and find another girl to love but remember not to be controlling.
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A
female
reader, Phoebe Halliwell +, writes (5 August 2010):
hey :)
To be honest, your girlfriend doesn't sound like the nicest person. She left you for your best friend? You don't treat people you care about like that.
I can understand your controlling actions, not wanting to lose her. It shows that you didn't trust her. Even though you've seen the light, are you sure she's totally trust-worthy and history won't repeat itself next time you see her standing a little too close to one of her guy friends...
You have to be sure you really want her back. Why not just try talking to her? Explain why you acted how you did. Why not point out that you took her back before? Show you truly care about her, that's all you can do. The rest is down to her.
At 13 - 15 there will be a lot of ups and downs in your love life, there's a lot of drama when you're that age! Trust me, you've got lots of time to grow up and find love. Right now you should concentrate on school, being happy and having fun. If she makes you happy, fair enough, go get her :)
hope this helped!
xxx
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