A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have always had a very good outlook on life and have had a fairly high self esteem up until this year. It is my junior year in high school and I am 16. It was not until this year that I noticed that no guys pay any attention to me and that all of my friends are taken where as I have never once been asked out. Although my education comes before intimate relationships, my self confidence is taking a serious nosedive. I asked several of my guy friends what they thought of me and why no guys liked me and I asked them to be honest, I sorely wish I had not. Unanimously the answer was: You are a kind, talented girl, but you are not all that pretty. I had never been told that before so I took this to heart and now whenever I go out I always feel like I am being judged and laughed at. Every day is now a battle to get out of bed, help please? I don't want to go on like this.
View related questions:
confidence, self esteem Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everybody for your advice, I feel better already. I genuinely appreciate your thoughts and will always remember them whenever I'm felling down, thanks again so very very much!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2009): You know what, boys that age are morons....they have so many sexual hangups, they lack self confidence so they tend to think the hot girls are the ones that they can't have....or that their guy friends talk about or their nemeses date, but they can't....it is a psychological phenomenon that boys want what they annot have....you are nice, talented and maybe easily accessible to your friends, so they don't think you are something hot they could not get.
I would not put stock into what they have to say about your attractiveness....because that is really in the eye of the beholder.....and when it gets down to it any guy that would base his decision to date you only on your looks is not the kind of guy you want any way, as there is always some other girl that will catch his eye and he will replace you with a fresh girl the minute he gets distracted by one.
Your physical looks are only a small part of the equation of attractiveness, your personaliy and attitude and self confidence are the things that make you really attractive to quality guys....and quite frankly you are at an age when boys are just plain poor quality boyfriend material. Once you get to college things will change for you, you will also grow into your own and blossom as a young woman at about that age.....so please do not fret about your looks or lack of a boyfriend. You are way ahead of the game by putting your studies first over intimate relationships....develop yourself as a person first and the rest will follow.
I am sure you are very cute, I never saw a girl your age that wasn't pretty, you look brand new, your skin is so smooth, your hair and eyes are so shiny and your muscles are toned just standing there......you are beautiful believe that down to your toes, the rest is all just icing on the cake, hair makeup, clothes that are appropriate and fit you nicely go along way to accentuating what is already there and beautiful about you....
Chin up, and tell those guys they don't know what they are talking about! Just asking them makes you Look less attractive and less Confident....remember if you think you are attractive then everyone else will too.
...............................
A
female
reader, No_Nonsense  +, writes (4 March 2009):
 Hey girl
Sheesh, i know what you're going through!!!! Growing up I never felt pretty at all. Guys never asked me out in school and I always felt like other girls were prettier. But then i grew up and things changed. Guys started taking notice of me - it took a while to get used to!!! But let me tell you something: every single girl has something beautiful about her. And if it's NOT the common beauty that those popular girls have, it's even better because that makes your beauty unique! Just look at girls like Mischa Barton, Drew Barrymore and Kate Moss. They're not the usual kind of beauties - they have something special though. It's what makes them unique. So who wants to be the common, textbook hottie? Find what you do have and use it! Maybe you have a mysterious vibe about you. Or maybe you have a quirkiness that can be cute. Find your image.
Then as for your characteristics, you should concentrate on what makes you pretty - maybe it's pretty eyes or a knock-out smile. Whatever it is, find ways to accentuate it. For example, use mascara and eye-liner to bring your eyes out, or a nice lipgloss to plump up your beautiful mouth. Don't be afraid to experiment with your look and hair in order to find a look that YOU like and feel confident in. Once you're feeling confident, i swear, it comes across as very sexy! So just accentuate your assets and find what makes you look the best. Then flaunt it!
And then, as for your guy friends, how many did you ask? A few guys' opinions doesn't mean that every guy will think that! Everyone has different opinions and tastes. Remember what i was saying about those celeb girls? Well, many guys don't find Mischa hot! It's all about personal taste. I know it's hard, but don't let their comments get to you!
Find ways to bring out your beauty and then don't forget you need to be confident and show off your personality, because looks only get you so far!
...............................
A
female
reader, wonderingcat  +, writes (4 March 2009):
 Who told you you were not pretty? Boys in your school? Idiots! (whack! LOL). When I was in junior high, I used to think that I look pretty only when I am in a dimly lit room. Duh! LOL
You have the series "Ugly Betty" in the States, right? See if you can watch its original series (Betty La Fea) from Colombia. Do you know Kiley Minogue? She was in a series called "Neighbours" in the late 1980s I think. In it, she was the popular pretty girl, but one of her best friends was a "Plain Jane". Well, Jane had a makeover. She changed to contact lenses, She cut her bangs. She dressed less frumpy. And wow ... she became a drop dead gorgeous!
You may just be an "ugly duckling" now (pardon the expression).. but wait until you bloom and become a successful career woman. Confident, smart, sexy (less is not necessarily more you know), has well paid job and bright career path, happy and at peace with yourself. What sensible men would not want you to be their partner???
If you like, you can always go to a hair salon, and ask their advice on what hair style that would be easy to manage and that would bring up the best features of your face. Try a bit of makeup (not much though), like eyeliner that accentuates your eyes. A bit of rouge on your cheeks (just a teeeny bit). Some lip gloss, natural color.
Then go to a thrift shop and try on some clothes that are different from your current style. Try mix and match. Bring a girl friend with a good fashion sense with you. Try some outrageous combinations if necessary. Have a good laugh. You may actually discover that you look really good in a style that is so different than what you are used to now.
Don't take it to heart what those boys told you. Tell me who they are and I'll come over to slap their wrists! LOL
You are you. And everyone is as beautiful as they feel. That includes you.
Cat
...............................
|
