A
female
age
41-50,
*i fi
writes:Aaaarghi desperately need some advicei have been with my guy now 2.5 years and love him to bits even though he is 17 years older than me it has never been a problem. He also has a 14 year old son.On sunday even ing he announced in a pub beer garden that he wanted to end our relationship. I just left as i felt so shocked so i didn't hear why.I met with him yesterday and he explained that this had been building for a year! I had already realised by this time what was wrong basically i have been so mean. We are currently building a house, renting another while it's being built, he has his own business to run and i work freelance. Over the last month i havn't worked as i have had an operation, nothing too serious but i needed time off- thus not earning money.Over the past year i suppose i have let him and expected him to pay for EVERYTHING, this all stems from when he was getting divorced i wasn't allowed to contribute as my earnings could also be taken in consideration in the divorce (i didn't split up his marriage)i wrote him a letter and gave it to him last night, to say he was shocked was an understatement- i think he was prepared to walk away having already organised everything in his own mind. He said he was extremely skocked how intuative i had been and that he now had a lot more to think about. How do apologise for being so selfish??I desperately don't want to lose him
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (19 June 2007):
 When he told you it was over it gave you the jolt you needed to sit up and re-evaluate things. Only then could you see things from another perspective but at least you've been honest enough to own up to it, a quality that is NOT easy to find these days. You were right to right that letter and give it to your partner. Now HE'S the one who needs to sit down and re-evaluate the situation. Give him his space to mull it over, as long as it takes and DON'T get in touch. He said he would get in touch with you so just be patient here.
If he decides to give things another go then take him out for a meal (your treat) and tell him it's your way of saying sorry to him for being so selfish these past months. You could buy him a card beforehand, you know, one of these thought provoking cards telling him how much you care and present it to him while having dinner.
Eve
A
female
reader, fi fi +, writes (19 June 2007):
fi fi is verified as being by the original poster of the questionA Quick update which i forgot to add.I left the house when this happened and i'm staying at my parents (they are away- thank god). Anyway, he said last night that he was going to call me this morning- i have had no phone call all day, however i have been good and not phoned him or text him. I even saw him at the new house earlier as i was driving past to the stables but didn't stop as i figure he needs time to sort his mind out and re-evaluate. I miss him like mad and just want him back i will do anything!
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A
female
reader, BEEN THERE DONE IT +, writes (19 June 2007):
 Hi there honey,
If he loves you after you tell him exactly what you have written here asking for help I am sure he will understand, don't forget going through a divorce is very stressful and at least your being honest, just tell him how you feel and that your truely sorry and don't want to loose him thats all it needs hun...
Hope it all works out, just be honest with him,
Love Donna x
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