A
male
age
36-40,
*rinlove
writes:I'm 22 and my girlfriend of 3 years just recently told me she has been talking to some guy on the phone. The thing is it started about 5 days after we ran into an ex of mine that made a huge scene and said she's still with me. Then about a week later a couple people told her I was messing around on her. So we broke up for a couple days because she was confused and needed time to think. At this point she had been talking to this guy for about 4 days. I was calling her and she said it was hard to talk to me because she would be happy then get angry about what happend. Then about a week after that I found out she's been talking to some dude she knew in high school. She said that she never went anywhere with or had in physical contact with him. I want to believe her but something in me wonders if she did have sex with him. She says he's not even her type which I believe and that she only talked to hime because the conversation was issue free. Here's where it gets tricky. I have cheated on her and she doesn't know about it. I have totally changed though and want a straight up relationship. The thought of her kissing him and or having sex is killing me. Is this my guilt or did she cheat? Can someone help me?
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male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (19 June 2007):
 It is not guilt you are experiencing...it is PARANOID. Part the karma balence of cheating is that is makes you suspious of all people, and paranoid that all people cheat. Although many people do, there are those that do not cheat. Unless you have proof, do not go around accusing others. THAT will drive her to cheat on you more than anything else, if she has not already. If you are going to be a cheater, you better be comfortable with the idea of her cheating on you, or you will drive yourself mentally ill.
-Frank B Kermit
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2007): i'm sorry to say but its your own guilt, you are subconciously taking your suspicain out on your girlfriend.
If i were you,i would do the following things; beg for forgivness, swear to her that you'll never do it again and if she dont take u back then its ur own fault!!
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A
female
reader, BEEN THERE DONE IT  +, writes (19 June 2007):
 Hi there hun,
Sorry to have to say this to you but its your own guilt that is now driving you mad, you have to trust her like she trusts you...If she means that much to you start a fresh put everything behind you or your likely to loose everything hun...
You know you should not have cheated but at least your now prepaired to realise you made a big mistake, be grateful you have a lovely girlfriend and let the past be the past..
Hope this has helped hun,
Good luck Love
Donna x
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A
female
reader, YummyMummy +, writes (19 June 2007):
 If you weren't together does it really matter if they had sex or not? My partner and I went through a really tought time about 18 months ago and we split up. He went and had a one night stand with a woman and it did hurt me a lot but there was nothing I could say about it because we weren't together.
I think it is your guilt showing through. If you can't trust her whether she did something with this guy or not than the relationship isn't going to work as you will be like it all the time when she isn't with you.
I found it hard to get over my boyfriend sleeping with the woman and felt stupid at the time because he had every right to go and do what he wanted. It was jealousy mainly that I experienced as I didn't go off and do anything with anyone.
Maybe admitting you went behind her back will help you calm down what's going on in your head. My partner tried to keep it from me what he had done when we got back together and I wondered why he acted do weird and stuff. A friend told me what had happened and he tried to deny it at first.
Hope that helped :)
xxxxxxxx
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