A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have had a boyfriend for a few weeks now and he wants to be intimate with me. The problem is I really don't like being touched or even kissed. I have suffered from sexual abuse a few years ago, which might be a factor. But when I had boyfriends before that event, I still didn't want to be touched. I am attracted to men and at the beginning of dating them I am sexually excited and want to do stuff. But as soon as it comes close to having sex or even just touching, I just don't want to know. I have been pretending to my boyfriend that I am tired or I am sick to get out of it, but it is getting to the point where I can't make any more excuses.Has anyone gone through a similar thing? And if so where you able to overcome it? Is this rare in women, or do lots of women experience this? Hope you can help and make me understand what is wrong with meThanks xxxx Reply to this Question
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (18 November 2012):
I absolutely agree with the post below. I would hazard a guess and say that before your abuse, you were just nervous as anyone else would be at that stage. But, it's almost certain that the abuse you suffered has only added to that problem. The best thing you can do is just take some time and seek help for what happened to you, which is easier said that done. But, if you give yourself time, and if your boyfriend doesn't pressure you, you'll hopefully be able to come through this.
A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (18 November 2012):
 This is extremely common among victims of sexual abuse and you need to seek professional counseling to get past it. You absolutely can get past it, you just need to be patient and willing to work during your therapy. You also need a partner you can fully trust and who won't pressure you into sex.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2012): Please speak to your doctor who can refer you to a counsellor. They will help you create coping strategies and slowly help you live life normally again. If you ignore these feelings the stress it is causing you can come out in all sorts of ways.
A few weeks is still early days and regardless of your current feelings, a decent guy will wait if you tell him you want to get to know him better. Just don't keep making excuses of feeling ill etc... Because he will think you want to be intimate too, it really is much better just to say you want to take things slowly and wait.
I really would speak to your doctor and you can discuss these feelings with someone trained to help victims of abuse.
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