| A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I have been in a relationship with a lad who did not express his emotions. He very rarely complimented me and even when he did it was usually after my prompting 'do you like my new top?' etc. He was always very wrapped up in his own activities and altho we did often eat our meals together and spend a night a week at the cinema, i did not feel i was a priority in his life.At the beginning of our relationship 10 months ago, i was going through some personal trauma. My mum had out of the blue walked out on my dad for another woman and i was sitting my finals at university. Although he wasnt the best at analysing and understanding the situation he was there for me to give me a hug when i needed it. I therefore think i became quite emotionally dependent on him.During that period i also fell out with my best friend and lost my paternal grandfather.I finished university last june and so moved back to my home town, an hour and a half drive from my boyfriend who is resitting and so back in his first year of university again. He was very blase about everything and altho he was happy for me to go and see him, he made it clear he had to many commitments to come and see me. When i did go and see him he made me sleep on his bedroom floor because he only had a single bed. For a while i moved back to my university town and things between us improved in some ways, however he lost interest in sex and this caused some problems.I moved home again finally just before christmas and mentally made the decision to move away emotionally from him too.I took a new full time job which he was annoyed about because he said it showed a lack of consideration for our relationship, meaning we wouldnt have spare time to see each other. For the first time in our relationship i stood my ground instead of apologising. Suddenly everything changed.He made the hour and a half drive to bring me an apple pie he baked made for me, he was constanly texting me and became much more affectionate. suddenly his interest in sex returned altho i found it much more difficult to reajust to this. Over christmas i booked a four month travelling the world trip with my friend from uni. I made the decision that i wanted to be single when i went.I told my boyfriend this in the new year and he at first said ok but has since changed his mind.He has bought me two bunches of flowers, chocolates, written me a poem and has rung my sister asking for my ring size (arrrrrr)He says he has always loved me and just had difficulty opening up. He has been physically sick because he is so upset. He says we should try for the sake of our relationship because thats what commitment is all about. He is coming to see me on tuesday and wants to stay for four days. I dont know what to say.I am so confused. It is such a turnaround. Every little thing i want he is doing. If it was not for him i wouldnt have survived last year.I am so confused. What does this all mean?I know this is very long winded but i didnt know how to sum it up. I am so worried it is all i can think about. I cant even look forward to my travelling or sleep properly.Please helpAnnie
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, dragonette  +, writes (8 January 2007):
 Hi Annie,Sounds like your ex-boyfriend only wants what he can't have.You wanted to be with him, he told you he didn't have time to come to see you and made you sleep on the floor.Now that you've got a job (less time for him), he brings you apple pie.You want to be single, he thinks about buying rings.My advice would be that you go on your trip with your friend, and don't listen to any of the guy's protests.It will give you some perspective on your "relationship" and help you sort out your feelings about your mother and your father parting ways and losing your friend and the death of your grandfather. This is a lot of stuff to take in in one year.You've already taken a decision to go as a single, and that's why I don't think you need to see your ex-boyfriend for 4 days.If you want to give him a second chance, I suggest you tell him that you won't be able to receive any of his phone calls during the time you're traveling, but that he can write you emails if he wants to.That way you don't have to answer immediately to what he has to say, but you will have time to calmly evaluate the situation and then act in whatever way you find best.You can always pick up the relationship again if you feel like it when you get home (provided that you didn't have any vacation flings).If you don't want to give him a second chance, I don't think anyone would blame you. Clearly you deserve someone better.The fact that he had the guts to complain about you getting a job is deeply disturbing to me.Anyways, good luck in finding the best solution and living a happy life. I know you can do it!Yours truly,Dragonette
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