A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I am a woman in my mid forties. I was in a relationship with a man a while back but, broke up. I still see him since we travel in the same circles. It took me a long time to get over him. I really fell for this guy and it has been about five months since we broke up. This past summer he played a lot of games to make me jealous, which of course I fell for. About a month ago he invited a abunch of people to go to the cider mill, but my daughter and I were the only ones to show up. We knew about it earlier. I asked if he and his son wanted to go to the movies the week earlier. He couldn't but, mentioned getting a group together to go to the cider mill. He sent the message giving everyone except for me less thatn 1 1/2 hours. It seems as if the less attention I give him the more interested he has become. I'm sure it is just his ego. I took him out the other day for an early birthday lunch. Once he came to the door, he came right out. We had a nice lunch, but he was tired since he was fighting a cold. I had a little gag gift for him (a bumpy cake), which he loves. He really didn't want me to come in because he is in the process of painting and told me the house was a mess. He mentioned that he had a lot to do, but asked me if I wanted to have a piece of cake. I left about 20 minutes later and gave him a hug and kiss. Ever since we broke up and he hugs me he always gives me another squeeze. He accidently called me baby his old pet name for me. I am desperate to find someone and am getting very frustrated. This got worse when I ran into someone I know that isn't even divorced yet and has found someone already. I have been divorced for ten years and only dated the past year. What is wrong with me. The guy I mentioned above is extremely overweight. I'm slim, told that I am attractive and intelligant. Why can't I find someone? I"m almost ready to give up. I have tried online dating and still nothing. Please help me.
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female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (18 November 2009):
 I suspect that the men you are dating can smell your desperation for a committed relationship. You can try to hide it all you want, but the truth is we all smell it from those who feel that way. You have to stop trying so hard and wanting it so bad.
Keep investing in the other aspects of your life that make you happy and do not allow your mind to fall into the old traps of "I need a man" or "I want a man" or “this is how it would be if I had a man”.
Pretend God (or the Universe or whatever entity you may or may not believe in) came to you and said, you will find the love of your life in ten years on X date. What would you do with yourself until then? Live your life as though that happened. Embrace being single. Appreciate the great things involved with that, including not having to explain who you are friends with and why, not sharing the tv remote, not having sex when you aren’t in the mood, disagreeing about what to have for dinner….
Your time WILL come. Let it happen on its own.
A
female
reader, dazey  +, writes (18 November 2009):
I think men can sense it when a woman is desperate. You don't want to come across as desperate, surely? So I think maybe try to forget about finding someone and get a couple of new interests to take your mind off it. If you can find something you're genuinely passionate about, then that will not only fulfill you, it will give you another string to your bow and will open up a whole new social scene.This guy is playing games with you, but you know that because you admit to falling for them. I think it's important for you to realise that you might be wasting your time with him and to move on. No more lunches out, and definitely no more bumpy cake! Don't rely on this to bring him back- you shouldn't act in order to reciprocate the games he's played with you. Act for yourself, and act decisively.
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