A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Dear cupid, I'm 18 and a very unfortunate thing has happened to me and I need your kind words to get me through it all. (I am in tears as I write this).I am bi-curious and I wanted to turn my fantassy into a reality. I met a woman on the internet and we spoke on MSN. We have been in contact with eachother for two weeks now. We were getting on very well. The plan was to meet up the 10th of March Saturday when I have my day off from work.I am a very sensitive,shy and quiet person who has been hurt a lot and it seems as though I am not recovering. I have trust issues and so forth. I explained all of this to her on MSN and she seemed sympathetic and understanding. I told her this because she would notice anyway when she met me (everyone notices).Below is the email I plan to send to her which will explain the unfortunate event that has happened to me:"I was shocked to find an ad posted on Tuesday the 20th of February. I have reason to believe that you are the person who posted this ad because it is clear that your mobile number is displayed along with the ad. It is quite obvious that you are referring to me in your post in regards to what you are not looking for. Let me refresh your memory: “ I ain’t looking 4 no chicks who have got issues and dramas and no-one understands them. Go and see a therapist.”I am offended by this and a little hurt. Knowing that I already have ‘issues’ you have poured salt into my wounds with your hurtful words. And consequently I would like to call the whole thing off and no longer have any contact with you. When you kept asking me if I had been on _____ to look at the ads, now I know why. You probably wanted me to see your ad. Well done, I have seen it and I hope you are proud of yourself. I really don’t know what kind of person would do such a thing. Is this your idea of a joke or did you do it deliberately and maliciously to try and hurt me? If so then you have succeeded, well done. And to think you have continued talking to me on MSN knowing that you have done something like that? Have you no conscience or moral scruples? I’m glad I saw it when I did or else I would have let you take me for a fool for even longer. You are indeed a rather inconsiderate individual and I regret having made any contact with you.On that note, rot in hell and die a slow and painful death."This is the email I plan to send her tommorow. Maybe I won't include the rot in hell part but...I really need some advice on how to cope with this hurt. Thanks.
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female
reader, BEEN THERE DONE IT +, writes (25 February 2007):
 Firstly everyone has fantasies but it is not always right to carry them out it is more fun keeping them as a fantasy as it could come back and bite you...As for what she did it is very, very, very cruel yes you do have feelings and I can fully understand your hurt, but please don't even bother replying or even talking to her again she really isn't worth your time. If your a shy person please don't let that worry you it takes all types too make this world and i am sure as time goes by in life you will gain confidence, try finding friends your own age babe and goe out and enjoy life, people like that come into everyones life and its up to you how you handle it, my experience is these types of people are lonely jealous people who never find happiness because they are not happy with themselves, don't end up bitter and twisted like her,Good luck babe x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for taking the time to help me out. :) Thank you Luvme247,Irish49,Rhythmandblues2,Rokerchika66,MrShy and Dr.Pete. I am feeling a lot better. You all have been so great. I've learnt my lesson now. Never tell anyone your weaknesses, let them find out for themselves. Tell your issues on a need to know basis and only to people who really care. Right, Got it.
Yeah...maybe I shouldn't send her that email. She's online now. Do you think I should just block and delete her? I think thats what I'll do. Even though I really really want to tell her how I feel and give her a piece of my mind and maybe even make her feel guilty...but you guys have convinced me that I'll only give her a one up on me if I do that and not much good will come of it. So I'll just leave her and forget about it.I can't believe I shed my precious tears over someone who was totally not worth it. I hope one day in the future I will find someone special and be happy with that person.
Thanks again everyone. xxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2007): It sounds like she is the one with the issues - no-one who is happy with themselves would feel the need to write such a nasty message like that. She is not likely to meet any "normal" people with an opening line like that, is she?
You may be sensitive, shy quiet and have been hurt in the past, but it doesn't mean you have any more issues than anyone else. She's the one taking out her obvious issues on others, isn't she?
You shouldn't even dignify her message with your email.
You will just be fueling her problems - just what she wants. You can not reason or communicate with people like that, they will only ever make you feel worse because that is how they themselves feel inside.
You should hold your head up high and put this women in your past, feel happy you saw her true colours in 2 weeks rather than 2 years. She's done you a big favour, you'll see that when you feel less hurt over what she has done.
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A
male
reader, MrShy  +, writes (23 February 2007):
Hello,
I couldn't agree more with rhythmandblues2 and with Irish49.
You should be thankful, and greatful that you found this out before meeting her in person. I get this vibe that she only wants to get laid, and is very inconsiderate to anyones feelings, especially yours.
I wouldn't send her any email, it'll feed her ego, When last did you email her?
If you cut off all communication with her you need not worry about her answers to what you have sent her, rather end all communication, and let her pick up the pieces and figure out what happened, and if she insists, simply tell her, "I think it's best we go our separate ways, please do not contact me." change your mobile number and move on, this was a learning path for you and perhaps it was a mistake but sometimes in life you need that extra help and support form family and friends, and an even bigger and braver step is to see a therapist, to help you through some of thse unresolved issues that make you feel sensitive, and vulnerable.
She wrote that behind your back, and insulted you, made a fool out of you behind your back and to you she "acts, and pretends" to be someone that cares where she doesn't even know what that means.
It'll hurt given the fact that you would have made such a big move with her, however be thankful that you found out this way, and didn't carry it further, and found out at a later stage once you thought that you had connected on a intimate level, and giving part of you to some one who does not deserve it.
All the best and be brave, you've made your first step by seeing what her true colours are.
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A
female
reader, rockerchicka66  +, writes (23 February 2007):
If you will feel better by sending that email, then send it...and never think or worry about it again.
Moving on...
I think you shouldn't force meeting people. Sure, being on the internet to meet someone is easy if you are normally shy, but you never know what you are going to get; and your story is a perfect example of that. You should try to meet people that have more in common with you. At a concert, shopping, community events, clubs, etc. Then you can just let the other person be themselves while you are doing the same. Don't let your past pain prevent you from future happiness. Everything will work out...it always does.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2007): Hi, I am not bi-curious, but as a fellow female and human being who has been hurt a lot and dissappointed in my fellow humans more often than not, I can certainly sympathize and relate to your feelings about this situation.
However, I have a word of advice for you. I know it is your deepest wish to find a caring person who loves and accepts you for who you are and you feel that by opening up to them and confessing your issues that you will get to that state of bliss sooner than later.
Let me tell you, that this usually backfires in dating relationships, ones where you are just getting to know someone that you are either interested in or attracted to.
You want to hold some personal stuff back, especially things that are of a sensitive nature to you, such as who has done you wrong....Everyone, and I mean everyone has been hurt at one time or another in their past. These hurtful things are to be dealt with and forgotten so you can live your life in the present and not the past. You want the relationship to unfold at a natural pace without intimacy being forced or thrust upon someone you really barely know. Let trust and respect build first and when you have that, open up slowly...and remember, steady wins the race. If you are just looking for a sexual experience to figure out your sexual orientation, then issues do not belong in the bedroom anyway, so leave them out of the equation....and save that for later and when you find a person on the same wavelength as you are.
Most people are not all that caring about others, especially until they see what is in it for them....sad to say, but true....your new friend may have the impression of you that you want her to be your therapist. You can't have a healthy relationship with one person playing therapist and the other wounded bird....you really do need to seek help from a therapist to get past your issues, and thus be ready for a healthy one on one relationship. Her rude way of putting that is very condescending as it takes great courage and maturity to seek counseling.
She was wrong to post that kind of an ad, it shows she is supremely selfish, which is a good thing to know...she is looking to get laid, and that is about it. I guess she thinks she is a pimp....If I were you, I would not send the e-mail. You wrote it, you got it off your chest...Never contact her again, and she will know why anyway, and you come out as the bigger person and the only one with any class.
Chin up, you are going to be OK
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2007): Courage is the key to over-riding hurt that others have caused you and then promising to live life to the fullest. And the more you use it the easier it gets to use. It makes you strong and better prepares you for your future . What happened to you was a learning experience. We all go through stuff like this. Let's get this whole thing in perspective. You took a big risk-a chance on a total online stranger. You met a woman, talked on msn for 2 weeks. You began to think she was trustworthy, understanding and compassionate. But you found out otherwise. Whew! Be relieved you found this out 'before' you met up with her. She wasn't honest, she wasn't someone for you. The best thing to do now. Try hard to forget and let go. Surround yourself with people and friends who accept and love you, just the way you are. And very importantly, forgiveness. . So please, forgive yourself for this mistake, and, instead, see this mistake as an opportunity to learn and grow in life. Don't be critical of yourself. Don't dwell on stuff you can't go back and change. Smile, laugh and have fun in life. And before you get into any more relationships..build that confidence, develop yourself, mature and grow, so you are better able to make the best choices for 'you'. You are worth the best life has to offer so, no more loser online friends, okay? Go meet wonderfully nice people in the real world. People you can relate to and trust. Take care, and be gentle with yourself.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice Luvme247 but I am 100% sure that she was talking abuot me. It is her mobile number. I have seen the ad and it is very specific and that is how I know she was talking about me. Some words and phrases she used in the ad are phrases I used when talking to her on MSN. I do not want to post her ad here to show you everything word for word. You understand why don't you? I am not being insecure or paranoid but I don't think it is a coincidence here. Please take my word for it that she is talking about me and kindly give me your helpful advice on how to cope with it. Thanks
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A
female
reader, luvme247 +, writes (23 February 2007):
 How do you know that she was talking about you? You might want to make sure before sending her that email. You stated in your email that she seemed sympathetic & understanding. You might want to just ask her about it first in case she wasn't referring to you.
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