A
male
age
41-50,
*ajendera
writes:Iam a 29 year old married boy. Its been two year for our marriage, but from the day one i was never attracted to my wife. As she is dark, chubby.This marriage itself taken place becz of my family pressure and even i curse myself even today for that mistake.In last 2 years i never kissed my wife or sucked her breast. I tried myself a lot to do but i can't. In a month hardly once or twice we do sex, that also i perform it a duty. today i hv a 6 month baby too. Before my marriage, i had beautiful girlfriend with whom i use to have a great sex, the pleasure which i can't described in words. I use to kiss on her lips and suck her breast, pussy for hours.I know its my mistake getting marry against my will. and for that i dont want to punish my wife. I never cheated her and i will not. I would prefer to die if that happen. But still i miss sex a lot. everyday i miss that. i want to kiss, sucks to have a great sexual life. but it wont be possible. I tried many thing in last two year. i know that external beauty is not everything, but still its not happening. can you people out ther help??? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, xtol  +, writes (28 July 2010):
Hi,as you said you are not attracte to your wife,, let me tell you one thing you married her you have to love her and as your wife is your life you have to give what all wives get i guess so,if you think positive you ll be happy with your life if you are negative you can never live a happy life. She is your wife that means your life you have to love her and care for her, if you feel she is not attracting you first you have to see what will attract you in her and be honest to her and tell her be like how you like her to be eg; wear sexy dress, be talkative about sex if you like tell her all that you like in a woman and let her do for you and see you ll love her and find her attractive. we women must get chances atleast but some people never tell to their wives. But i should feel very very lucky that my husband tells me everything, he is my mirror he tells me even if i dont attract him he ll say do this wear sexy clothes and i do, but he never thought to even imagine other woman he will want everything in me what ever he wants he will say it he is always positive person. and i love him alot. hope you will understand and do with your wife, you must think that even if she dont say that she want sex that doesnt mean she dont want she also feels doing sex actually in this age, may be she feels shy to admit it many women like their husbands to do or tell them, i experienced this all so please do try this formula and see you will be happy with your life,,
A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (28 July 2010):
 Look, it really concerns me that you're wishing for death... you have your whole life ahead of you. Everyone feels hopeless at times.
It's NEVER ok to cheat and it's good that you realize it's wrong.
Sometimes we're faced with dilemnas, and neither option is easy or 100% satisfactory, we just choose what is bets.
Only a total rat would cheat on their husband or wife, cheating is just WRONG.
I take it that your wife is quite young, too. If you don't love her... and there may be someone out their who does... are you doing her any favors by making her believe you love her? She's bound to sense that your heart's not in this marriage 100%.
I know you don't want to hurt her and that's noble of you but no one can have a sexually satisfying relationship when there isn't mutual love.
I don't know loads about your culture and I'm worried that I might accidentally offend you but I just wanted to say that I don't mean to... I'm just worried that I inadvertently will. But if I did I apologize.
Is there anything your wife can do to improve her appearance... a makeover, a diet, etc.? I wouldn't say "honey you're ugly, change your look so I can enjoy sex." Is joining a gym or something an option?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2010): that's normal
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A
male
reader, rajendera +, writes (27 July 2010):
rajendera is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyes, cindy u r right its moral point of view. i know nothing can change, this is my fate. cant share this point with my friends or family memeber, tats why looking some sympathy words from unknown friends like u. jst hvng a last wish , to get a natural death as soon as it can so that i dont hv to face this harsh truth of my life.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 July 2010):
 When you say that you cannot divorce because it's not her fault, do you mean you can't morally or you can't legally ?
From a moral point of view yours is a noble attitude and it is commendable.
From a legal point of view it may be different. I am not familiar with the divorce laws in your country, but I think I remember ( maybe I am wrong ) that in India too no-fault divorces are legal. Meaning she does not need to commit adultery or to be a bad person- you can divorce also just for lack of compatibility, as in your case.
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A
male
reader, rajendera +, writes (23 July 2010):
rajendera is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks friends for your answer. i know i cant do anything in this matter. neither i can divorce her nor i can cheat her. Becz there is no fault of my wife. She is loyal to me and trust me. but still posted this to hear some words from unknown friends.
I know this is my destiny. and i cant help it. only i can sweet memories of kissing my ex girlfriend. thanks once again to all. this is to all my friend please never get marry to a girl , if u didn't felt a spark for her. if u do so u will spoil yours as well as your wife's life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2010): ummm, well you think she is ugly and you will only sleep with her 2 times a month wow!
you could always have her do surgery on her face to look better, but i would only choose one of the best surgens to do it. most likely from californa. idk about over there?
you would have to look into it.
but i mean you have to do some thing?
if not that then diet or both?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2010): well it seems like your stuck can your wife maybe go on a diet? so atleast her body is beautiful?
there is this one diet i was looking at today on the discovery chanel on demand and its simple but it lookes like it works!
you have dinner, lunch and break-fast
-eatting more in the morning and
less at night-
-mornings- eat a big meal, like you would for dinner.
try to use chichen, and fish more than beef in the dishes.
-lunch_time- eat the same-things you would eat in the mornings but a lesser portion of that, like half.
-last meal of the day- use whole wheet cereal and straw-berries, or a light soup with a whole weat sandwitch.
fruit and vegtables for -snacks- through-out the day, and
a few glasses of water through out the day. 8 glasses are usually drank in the summer, up to 12 glasses through out the day
take a half an hr walk in the mornings, to an hr.
I am going to try it out.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2010): It seems to me your biggest problem is not facing your solution. Your options are one of two: 1. Stay. If you stay then turn off your expectation and regret, just stop it. It will help you survive, and accept your compromise. 2. Leave. If you leave you increase your chances for having a sexually satisfying relationship.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (22 July 2010):
You just posted the same question , and all the answers you've got said : divorce.
So obviously this is not the answer you want to hear .
What do you want to hear ? That you are entitled to cheat on your wife... ? I don't think that any Aunt with a minimum of conscience is gonna tell you that. Then again, you said yourself that you are strongly against cheating.
Therefore, if you cannot or don't want to divorce, the only other solution is to bear your situation with the most dignity you can,and seek fulfillment in life from other than sex.
There is really no other magical solution to your dilemma. If you feel disgusted by your wife and you can't bring yourself to kiss her- then you can't,end of the story.
Even if, after all, maybe you don't find her SO repulsive.. since you are having sex with her twice a month... which is about average in many non-arranged marriages.
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