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male
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anonymous
writes: I have been dumped because my partner was my first person that I got involved with, and slept with. Now he tells me that I have no previous relationships, sexually and emotionally. I was told that I have nothing to rate this relationship on. I'm 22, he is 25 and I am in love with him. He loves me, or so I thought. I thought that being a virgin or spending the rest of your life with one person, was important. I do not need to sleep around with every Tom, Dick and Harry to know how I feel about him. He won't listen to me, saying that we want different things, and I'm young, that he has done things - travelled, had sex, been with people, met people. Must I go sleeping around to qualify for anybody? I don't know what to do, he used to say he loves me and now he doesn't. He said that he wanted to grow old with me. I would imagine that giving yourself to someone, for the first time would be special, and important. I do not need to sleep around to know what I want. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Maizey_J +, writes (23 November 2005):
I think u should end it there. It may be hard but he is not worth it at all. Being in a relationship is not a competition. If that is what he thinks then hes pathetic and immature. and even more so if he is 25. There is nothing wrong with being a virgin at any age. I know u love him, but there are plenty of guys out there that would treat u like a princess and respect u for who u r.
A
female
reader, QOTU +, writes (19 November 2005):
 What the hell is his problem?! For God's sake, there's NOTHING WRONG with being a virgin! /I'M/ a virgin, too, and my boyfriend is as well!! WHAT THE...?!!
I'd say, either talk with him about how immature he's being, or just cut it loose.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2005): The guy was a fool if he as dumped you cause of being a virgin!! Seriously ... i know it hurts now, and its difficult to acknowldge this, but things do happen for a reason. He sounds like a user and someone who doesnt deserve you. People eventually realise that having a meaningful relationship is most important. You now know about this guy and what he is really like, ... so do what u feel is right, and as hey say, good things come to those who wait. Good luck, you sound like a nice sweet person, dont get yourself down over him.
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A
female
reader, Lzavmon03 +, writes (19 November 2005):
 It sounds to me like he was really insecure about you leaving him for a younger guy so he wnated to dump you first before you dumped him. This doesn't make what he did justifiable or fair, but I think he was threatened by your lack of experience and thought you wouldn't know how to rate him if you had never been with anybody else. I think this insecurity stems from him and he though you would evntually leave him or cheat on him once you got out in the world and met other people. I think he already did the hard work for you: he's no longer in your life and you are free. This could ahve taken another turn and he could have wnated to trap you and keep you forever just because you lost your virginity to him. Even though though I know it must ahve been painful and especially when he offered such a poor reason when he dumped you, consider this a a learning experience to help you in your future relationships. You are so right when you say that you don't ahve to sleep around to know what you wnat---and you shouldn't have to! You sound like a very level-headed person and you were able to recognize his feeble excuse and really--do you wnat to be with someone who'll take the easy way out and save HIMself pain and yet still put you through it? Absolutely not. It is special and important to be with someone for the first time, but a lot of people rarely stay with the first person they're with, just because they grown and mature more as people--not to say you are infantile now--but everyone changes and sometimes their tastes in partners change too. Think about the kind of boyfriend you wnated at age 13..is that still the kind of bf you wnat now? No, because your tastes change as you grow older--that much is true...there's a first time for everything: losing your first tooth, riding your first bike, getting your first period, having sex for the first time--all memorable experiences but would you wnat to keep the first pad you ever used? No! So, just because you lost your virginity to him doesn't mean you have to stay with him or that you owe him anything...raerly does a person keep or marry the first person they are with--and that doesn't mean sleeping around is the answer--NO WAY--you learn from what ahppened in this relationship and move on. The point of having different relationships is to learn from the mistakes made both on your part and your partner's and try to elarn from them in the next relationship. Along with that, you should experience different aspects of the world and different cultures and build your knowledge base, develop new hobbies, and grow and be the kind of person you wnat to be in life. Spend time on you now and develop yourself so you can find a person who will be ready to share the things you wnat and not be intimidated or scared about your ambitions. You are very right when you say sleeping around isn't anyway to get to know people--try to get involved in activities centered around people your age with same interets and common goals--if you ask me, it sound like it was your ex who was immature emotionally, but he didn't have a problem being with youe sexually--don't worry about him or any of his crap--your virginity isn't your identity and you ahve your whooole life to find men who will treasure you for all the wonderful things you are and who won't dump you for being the only person you were with--incidentally it's usually the opposite--I would think he would ahve reason to dump you if he wasn't the only person you were seeing at the same time--when you have another relationship, the guy will wnat you all to himself and won't care about your past--he'll only care about the future the both of you ahve together--hope this hhelps--God bless
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2005): stay true to yourself!
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