A
female
age
26-29,
*oni2
writes:It was totally my first intercourse, but i did'nt bleed....i only felt a very little pain...even my hubby said that i'm not virgin as my vagina is loose.He said my vagina is not like virgins have....ButIt was my first time.Why it happens to me??Im soo much depressed
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 December 2017):
 You say that you love him, but do you think he loves you? If he loved you would he not believe and trust you? Because to me it sounds like he doesn't love you or should I say he does not trust you. There is nothing that you can so or do to get him to trust you, he has already made up his mind that you are a liar and that you have had sex before. I know I wouldn't want to be with a husband like this.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2017): I don't believe your family is against love-marriages; I think they don't like HIM!
There is no reason they would be against you finding love; but in this case, you have no argument because they're right!
When you have locked yourself in with a person who doesn't believe you, and he mistreats you because of it; that is not love, nor is it a marriage. Your love will not change him.
If he mistreats you, you will have to turn to your family. You will have no choice. He's treating you like you're a loose and impure woman. You may not be the one to decide whether the marriage continues. He might decide for you!
Stop trying to convince us your family doesn't love you anymore and would abandon you even when you need them. You rebelled and you made a bad choice, my dear.
They are only leaving you to your decision to allow you to learn the consequences of your choices. I am sure, if he harms you or mistreats you, they will all be there for you.
You don't want to admit your mistake to them; you're trying to prove something. They're watching and waiting. You can't hide the truth; and you can't pretend you're happy, if you're not.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (27 November 2017):
 You are young and naive, OP. I'm sorry, but you must listen to us.
You can NEVER convince people who are not open to it. Your husband is not listening to you. He doesn't believe you.
If showing him evidence from doctors doesn't convince him, then nothing will.
How long had you known him before marrying?
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (27 November 2017):
I'm sorry, OP, but you're in danger, if you refuse to tell anyone. Him not believing you is controlling and could become abusive. If your mother warned you about him, you should have listened and should do so now. Talk to her or a doctor.
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A
female
reader, soni2 +, writes (27 November 2017):
soni2 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionGuyz i dont wanna leave him....i loved him from the core of my heart..i want him ,i need him what should i do to convince him??
Its not about that i dont want to turn to my mother infact my family cut off with me, because tgey are against of love marriges they believe that love marriges are not long lasting
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2017): Your mother saw something about the guy that wasn't right.
Like so many young women in-love, you didn't listen.
Now you don't want to turn to her; because you're too proud to admit she was right.
We're a bunch of strangers, we can't protect you or comfort you like your family can. So you have to swallow your pride and turn to the people who love you.
He is an ignorant man; so you will have to wait until he decides to change him mind. I doubt that will be the case.
You married too young, and he's stupid. So you have to deal with your choice until you both figure it out.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2017): Wow, your husband is really backward thinking!Who does he think HE is?Does he think he owns you? Knows everything? He is an egotistical, ignorant chauvinist!He is lucky he has a virgin! They are rare nowadays. And he stoops so low as to question that?Hmmmm.Why does it always matter if we women are virgins? Why must we always need to wait for marriage? While the guy can do whatever he wants? Dip his penis in anyone he wants? And he never has any stigmas attached to him! And we never question them! It's cause men are whiny, insecure little boys who need to feel superior and like a King in the bedroom. That's why. The minute their sexual prowess is threatened, they will bring us down. Turn it on us.Who cares how many sex partners you've had? Who cares if he was your first or not?Such a big deal made about nothing! Oh the fragile male ego strikes again. If he would like to keep having sex with you, kindly remind him to smarten up and let go of his stupid mentality.I can't help but feel bad for you experiencing sex for the very first time with this Neanderthal!
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (26 November 2017):
 I don't know what you can do about this, only that you must take care of yourself in this situation and not get taken advantage of or abused. Your husband, I am sorry, but is he someone who has been having lots of sex with virgins before? Otherwise, how would he know?
I believe your husband is not a good man. There must be some reason why you married him, you say it was love marriage, but it does not sound like he loves you.
Nor does it sound like he knows anything about sex. He needs to be educated. Make sure he gets the correct information. If he wont listen to you, take him to someone he will listen to.
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A
female
reader, soni2 +, writes (26 November 2017):
soni2 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo i think he is not small....he is of average penis....i cant say this to my mum
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (26 November 2017):
You need to talk to your family. I know you said you can't, but this man is not a good man if he won't listen to facts that no virgin is the same. He is being silly and it's not your fault. He is *choosing* not to educate himself.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (26 November 2017):
 I can't imagine your husband is much of an expert on virgins. I mean, how many has he had intercourse with?
Perhaps the real "problem" here is that his penis is tiny (as a virgin, you will have nothing to compare it to) hence you felt little pain and didn't bleed.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2017): How does he know your vagina not like virgins? How many virgins has he been with? Maybe his penis is too small. Yes tell your mum and stand firm with your head high and insist on your virginity.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2017): Sometimes in these situations cultural/religious influences defy or reject any feasible scientific or medical explanations.
If he threatens you or mistreats you, inform your parents. They will defend your honor, and it is your family-name and their standing that he is insulting. They know you're a virgin, and they will not allow him to tarnish your reputation or mistreat you.
You are very young, and if he resorts to aggressive behavior; you're better off returning to the protection of your family. If his mind is made up, you can offer all the explanations and information you want. He thinks he knows.
It sounds as if you may have married the wrong man; and he is going to be a very difficult husband.
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A
female
reader, soni2 +, writes (26 November 2017):
soni2 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt was a love marriage...and i marry him without my parents permission. They were against of it...
Thats why i cant get my mother into this matter.
My husband loves me alot i also ask him to take me to the doctor but he refuses...
He is also frustrated due to this situation....i also reviewd much stuff on internet. And also showed him but the situation is same...
He said that i have never heard about any case of virgin girl like you. He said i did'nt get any sign from u that show your virginity...he is not intrested in any other women i know and I am sure..
I can see he is going in deperession day by day...i wanna save my relation...i wanna save him...I'm feeling totally helpless
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2017): That happens to me with my first boyfriend.He had a very small penis.Does your husband have a small one.The next guy though was very large and it did hurt like hell and I did bleed with him.So really I technally was a virgin even after having sex with the first guy.Your hubby just is small down there.Please talk to your parents and see if you can get out of this marriage because him not believing you is kinda abuse.You can also have a doctor check you and tell your husband yes you are a virgin.But also rember you might not bleed because all kinds of activities like running... horseback riding anything pysical can make you bleed also.So you can be a virgin and not bleed after sex.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (26 November 2017):
I would advise you to confide in your mother too.Unfortunately, in places where there is little to no sex education, there are a lot of rumours and can even ruin people's lives because of misinformation. Some people, as I'm sure you know, get horrifically "punished" for things that aren't true or aren't their fault, particularly women.Do some research and perhaps show your husband, if he's willing to listen. Virgins may or may not have an intact hymen - exercise, tampons, injuries, etc. can tear/break the hymen.Virgins may or may not be "loose" - all vaginas are different shapes and sizes.People in many countries are brainwashed into thinking there is only one type of virgin vagina and any virgin will have that, but it's not remotely true.Speak to your mother about it.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (26 November 2017):
 I'm sure, if you check online, you will find plenty of information about this.
Also your parents will vouchsafe your honour regarding your behaviour before before you were married.
If your husband is just looking for a reason to take another wife there is little you can do I feel. If this marriage was arranged and he doesn't love you you are in a horrible situation. What can you do? You are bound by your culture and tradition.
My advice is to confide in your mother and see what advice she offers.
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