A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My sons girlfriend is cheating on him???Both she and my son are 25 and have been together for just over 9 years. I received an e-mail from someone who has sent me evidence that she has been cheating on him for the past 5 years with his BFF. I talked with her about it and She convinced me and his sister to not say anything. Most of the time it happens it when he's out of town town or at work. I know that she cheated on him last night. I have NO idea how to handle this. Hey Parents out there should I say anything to my son or just let it work itself out and he will figure it out soon enough?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 December 2017):
 Why did you ignore the last advice that was given to you and write the same question? Seriously why would any mother in there right mind not have told there son this yet. I think you are lying.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2017): ignore her and tell him ASAP. you can apologize to her if you wish. let her know your son comes first. she betrayed everyone
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2017): Maybe leave him the evidence anonymously somewhere he can find it and not his gf. Try to keep the badmouthing of the partner to a minimum. My brother's girlfriend was cheating on him constantly throughout his relationship with her and I think he knew but he didn't want to admit it to himself. So if anyone hinted at it he would get mad. Only tell him once and support whatever he decides to do about it, unless it is illegal.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2017): You had great advice the first time you asked this question.
Including advice from me.
I can't believe you still haven't done the RIGHT thing!
Tell him. Stop delaying. You're only making it worse. He needs to know!!
If you don't, your own son is going to HATE you and resent you for the rest of your life. Is this what you really want? Your first and only allegiance is to your BOY! Not her!
She's wrecking his life and by keeping your mouth shut, so are you!
Please, for your child's sake, step up to the plate. Be his mom! He needs to know the truth!
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (26 November 2017):
You chose this woman over your son. You had better pray he never finds out what you’ve done
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (26 November 2017):
 How are you even pondering this?
This is YOUR SON. Of course you tell him. How betrayed would he feel if he found out about it all and that you knew and didn't tell him? Your primary concern as a mother is to protect your children.
Surely you want the best for your son in life? But you're letting him stay with a shitty GF because she's somehow talked you into keeping quiet? I can't even imagine what she must of said to convince you.
TELL YOUR SON IMMEDIATELY
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2017): In situations like this, you don't get a good reaction from your kid due to the embarrassment of knowing you've been nosing around in their business; and then they'll wonder why you dislike the person they love? It gets complicated.
Adult-children have to deal with their relationships on their own terms, just like you did. You didn't like your mother or father inserting their opinions and/or offering suggestions about your relationships, nor your marriage. Not unless you sought their advice.
You know only one side of the story. You don't know if they have an open-relationship. You're walking a thin line being on the outside looking in. How often does he take these out-of-town trips? She may know what he's doing while he's away, and she just might be only too happy to inform you!
The problem here is, he'll want to believe her if she denies it. He may lose it, and go after his friend. Men react terribly to humiliation and treachery; and the damaged male-ego often resorts to violence.
Tell her you want her to come clean with your son. You know what she's doing, and you have the proof. Allow her the chance to explain herself. She may have a backstory to offer. Your son may not be totally innocent in all this.
If all you get is denial and she lies about it. Give her a week. If she doesn't tell him; forget all of what I mentioned above, and just tell him. Whatever flies, flies.
She had the chance.
Don't expect to be popular with either of them for snooping in their business.
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (26 November 2017):
 She has been cheating for 5 out of 9 years that they have been together. That's over 60% of the time. Most of their relationship is a scam and not real. This relationship needs to be dismantled. So go to your son and show him evidence now. Why would you admit to being part of the deception of your own child? Please don't be worse that his GF. Show him immediately and have him decide.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (26 November 2017):
 You should tell her that you know she is cheating, you have corroboration, and that if she doesn't tell him then you will. Give her the chance to do the right thing. If she won't, then tell your son to ask her where she was last night, or to ask this third person who has the evidence to tell him. It isn't fair to him to be made cuckold for so long.
I am presuming of course that he is innocent in all this and his out-of-town trips are purely business.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (26 November 2017):
 Honestly? If you still have the evidence, speak to her again and say "I need you to tell him in the next few days, or I will have to." If he still doesn't know within a week, you need to gently tell him and have the evidence on hand to show him.
As someone close to his age, as horrid as it will be, I'd rather hear it from my parents than know they kept it from me. When he finds out, chances are he'll feel betrayed by her, so don't put him in a situation where he feels betrayed by you too. He may lash out in some way because you're the bearer of bad news, but it's better to have that than lose his trust completely.
Give her a few days to tell him and, if she doesn't, you do it - with the evidence to prove you're not lying.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2017): You already asked this question. How about the advice we gave you last time?
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