A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear Aunts and Uncles,I have a problem I've never confessed to anyone and I certainly can't blurt it out to my pastor at the altar. I can't tell him in private either bc when people of the church sin, he brings it to everyone's attention so we can pray rightly for them. For example a young man at our church went missing and we found out later he was in jail. He'd done something inappropriate with a person of the opposite gender (NOT a minor). Once the girl found out the whole church had his back, she backed down and dropped charges. I won't be so blessed. Please don't judge, I feel bad enough and I've never acted on it. Also, NOT with minors (or animals or men).My problem is a pee fetish. I really get turned on bad when a Lady has to pee and is forced to hold it. Or if she has accidents and is squirming around. I wouldn't ever make a woman hold it till she's literally bulging or peeing herself but I can't stop reading and writing stories about it or watching videos I have a separate, hidden phone and laptop for those. I fantasize about that with ladies all the time and I've watched and paid for videos of all that. It's the only thing that gets me turned on and gets me off.I known how awful that is, how that would be a cruel thing to do to someone and dangerous. I realize since these videos come from all around the world these ladies aren't necessarily 18. I justify it by saying it's consensual but still. I've been tempted to talk to some of the ladies that are amateurs on the sites but I don't want my face recorded. I'm afraid of being found out if I meet someone and carry this out. But I want to so much. Its fear of God, fear of being found out, fear of being unable to stop that stops me.Please, I've never hurt anyone and don't want to. I just want this fetish to go away. Praying silently doesn't help.
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male
reader, N91  +, writes (28 November 2017):
 I have no advice about your problem, I just had to say that your church sounds absolutely insane. I've never heard such a crazy story as a group of people harassing someone to drop a criminal charge.
Surely you can't think that group is benefitting your life? Absolute madness.
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (27 November 2017):
 Thank you for your followup. I'm not going to jump on the Cult bandwagon because the term is often used inappropriately. The practices of your local church are scary to me as well. Both the preaching against psychology and the suppression of a victim. I want to stick to your own journey to freedom from addiction.
You are taking the right steps. recognizing that you have a problem, restricting your access to the addiction. you also need to avoid those people or places associated with the addiction, and replace the addiction with something positive. Look up 12 step programs, most of them are similar, These programs actually have good success in breaking addiction.
There are a few things you need to know. First, you probably can't do this alone. It is likely more powerful than you are. Second, you will likely slip, you will probably make mistakes. That's OK. you don't have to start over you just have to keep going forward.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (27 November 2017):
 I read your follow-up.
Your church sounds more like a terrifying cult than a God-worshipping church, and I have a church background, so it's not merely not liking religion that I say these things.
Sending a squad of elders to make sure the porn isn't "underage" is so strange, and to be honest, I would be wondering if people high up in the church aren't dealing with child porn themselves with the level of fixation both you and your pastors are giving it.
Usually when someone confesses a porn addiction in a church, they are counseled to walk out a life to seek accountability partners who can help people get free of the addiction. It takes a lot of time to install keylogger programs, meet with the partners (kinda like sponsors if the addiction was alcohol or something), and there are relapses and re-dedication a lot. It's a long drawn-process geared toward freedom from addiction.
It's also an EXTREME cult-marker to preach against psychology or professional help. It makes the parishioners dependent on the pastor or whoever he sets in charge rather than able to seek out healing on their own or find multiple sources of help. Your church is not good. It doesn't worship God. It has a strange fixation on child porn and sex. I get a queasy feeling when I think about what you're describing and how they silenced a victim. Not to mention now YOU are struggling with porn and fetishes, which seem to be an all-too-common refrain in that church.
Ever wonder why molestation seems to run in families?? It's because of the close-insulated and sheltered conditions. You have that now in the church you're in, which is breeding these porn and sex addictions like damp dark corners breed mold. Your church silenced the victim instead of made sure the offender couldn't hurt another woman and answered his charges because it's covering up its secrets, like the Penn State college covered up Jerry Sandusky's child molesting ways, even though they knew for years and didn't do anything about it.
You need a lot more than dealing with a pee fetish. You need to get away from the church-cult.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2017): Wow. It is hard to believe your church has so much control over your lives. It gets victims to drop charges, makes people lose their jobs, tells you how to live. This is not a church....This is a cult. You need to escape from these crazy people. They have no right to judge anyone. God says so. Judge not lest ye be judged. Your church does not even follow the Bible. Fetishes are normal as long as no kids are involved. If you do go to therapy do not go to a church therapist. Many church ones have no degree and they will tell your pastor. Escape the cult now and be happy. Live your fetish but not with minors. I am sure there are grown women who also have your same fetish. Look online. Life is a gift... Do not waste any more of it in a cult. God wants you to live life, experience things and be happy. God is love and I really do not think he approves of cults that bully people. You know cults do use bulling tactics in their brainwashing just thought I'd throw that out there as it is a proven fact. Escape now live and be happy for once in your life.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (26 November 2017):
I'm sorry. I have to point this out as one of the most disturbing things I've read on here:
So, a guy in the church commits a crime against a woman (who CARES if she's underage, and it's notable that you continuously point that fact out), but when she presses charges against him, the church gets behind the OFFENDER and intimidates the VICTIM into dropping charges??
WHAT KIND of church *IS* this??? Your next comment "I won't be so blessed" lets me know that people believe that this guy did something that warranted this woman to press charges against her (YOU labelled it "inappropriate").
What kind of church browbeats the VICTIMS of sexual predators?? Were these other church members witnesses to the act in question, or did they simply strongarm her into withdrawing charges?? If so, I don't know how your church claims it serves God, because that is not right. It's one thing to support a church member to make sure both victim and alleged offender has their day in court, but to pressure or coerce a victim to drop charges is evil.
It's no wonder that you're struggling with porn and sexual objectification if the mindset of your church is to excuse sexual sin. You need to stop watching the porn. Stop contacting the women. Stop obsessing on this. Isn't there more to life than this?? If you're religious, why are you even considering these sexual activities outside the marriage bed? You can't be both a practicing Christian and an enthusiastic consumer of porn, especially when you're paying for it. Yes, Christians can and do easily use porn, even Pastors, but the difference is that they don't excuse it. They strive to live righteously every day and pray for a right spirit with God. They don't justify that it's "consensual" and keep paying for sex acts to be performed for them on video or webcam.
You need a different church -- one that doesn't excuse the criminal sexual behavior of its members to the extent of punishing the victims, and if YOU are seeing underage people, you need professional help.
Your talking about underage girls over and over means you have a special attraction towards them. That requires professional counseling before next is YOU in the jail.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2017): Thank you! I do think it's wrong, just like I think all porn is wrong. I have deleted three of my accounts and plan to get rid of the other phone and laptop. I can call it a porn addiction but I hope my pastor doesn't want specifics. Last time someone had a porn addiction the pastor and two deacons came over to check to make sure it wasn't children. He was forgiven but his fiancé broke up with him and he lost his job doing security at schools and had to move in with his parents. I couldn't bear that. And I'm afraid someone will find out if I see a therapist. He preaches against psychology because it does away with moral failings. And it's secular. I still am afraid.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2017): Perhaps seeing a sex therapist would help you realize or cope with your fetish in healthier ways. Women aren't going to be turned on by your fetish just like you wouldn't be necessarily turned on by a fetish of theirs, but you can learn to sublimate desire in other ways. Fetishes are very common and not really something to be ashamed of. Perhaps a woman who really loves you wouldn't mind some pee play if you approach it in a respectful manner.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (25 November 2017):
I feel that this is more of a religious question for you. While confessing your sin is admirable, you will also need to forsake it. That means putting blocking software on all of your phones and computers. I would highly suggest that you confess this sin as using pornography. Unless you feel that the unusual branch of sexuality you are interested in is a much greater sin. I see it as a much bigger embarrassment rather than a much bigger sin.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2017): We all have fetishes so I don't see a problem with it , just because people go to church doesn't mean they have not sexual needs what ever they may be .. although I have never heard of this I wouldn't rule it out as part of a loving relationship so don't beat yourself up about it .. and you don't need to tell people at the church your sexual life has nothing to do with them ..
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2017): First of all, I'm glad you got that out! It's best not to hide things. Also, I'm glad you're not planning to act on it and how you know the potential dangers. One thing you can do is not focus on the specifics, but just consider it a porn addiction. First, delete all your accounts, every one. Delete any phone numbers related to it too, if you have those. Then, take your batteries and hard drives out and destroy the pieces. Then, simply tell your pastor its a porn addiction involving adult women and leave it at that. Put a rubberband around your wrist and snap it as soon as a thought like that comes in your mind. Replace it with a prayer for the safety and dignity of women everywhere.I hope that helps.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (25 November 2017):
 Confessions are supposed to be kept private - your pastor isn't a very good one. They also bullied a victim into dropping charges. This is a perversion of religion.
Also, if you suspect someone in porn is underage, DO NOT WATCH IT. Minors *can't* consent.
If it really bothers you, speak to a therapist. Praying won't help you. You need to learn to manage this and how to enjoy it appropriately.
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