A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Does my ex think I'm trying to get him back? I broke up with my ex a year ago. Shortly after the breakup i changed my phone number so he would stop harassing me. He was emailing me up until July-so i changed my email in July. Well, on Saturday i emailed him asking if he is at all sorry for how he treated me (since i broke up with him because he was emotionally abusive), and that i wish he would have told me he had herpes, and that i didn't appreciate him telling my friends that he had mail for me from the IRS. he said he never told my friends the IRS was "after" me, that he got tested after his g/f-but not the one before me, and that he made a lot of mistakes that he is sorry for and that he keeps my picture in his car and still has my ring with him-since we were engaged. he asked if i ever thought about him, and i said yeah, but that most of it is bad memories from how he treated me. i emailed back saying it didn't seem like he ever cared, and he emailed me saying he always cared, and still does, and that he wants me to call him. I am too afraid to call him because if he hasn't changed i will probably get trapped all over again. My question is do you think he thinks i want to be back with him because i emailed him? I don't want him to think that. I just wanted some closure i guess.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2008): I think you are not being totally honest with yourself and that you would quite like to go back to him. Something made you e-mail him and you got the reply that I think you wanted so it sems to me you are actually entertaining the idea. People can and do change, he obviously still misses you. As Pashanoodle so cleverly said you are never going to get the answers you want about the past in the way you want to hear them because everybodys version of events and their feelings are different. At least he took the time to try to answer your questions which is a very promising sign as most people won't even do that. When I got divorced all I wanted was my ex husband to answer why he felt the need to sleep with anyone else but he would never answer or give me closure. This went on for years and eventually a therapist made me realise that I was never going to get this and I just had to accept it and live with it. Apparently it is very rare that anyone in a relationship that breaks up gets the closure they desire. Personally I think your heart wants to ring him and make contact and for that reason I would. Time has gone by and time even a few weeks can make you feel less intense about situations and events that drove you insane before. People calm down with a bit of space between them and sometimes even the awful memories fade so they become just a blur and you can no longer remember each individual thing that made you so cross in the first place. I would ring him and meet up with him and see how you feel seeing him and being with him again.
A
female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (8 October 2008):
 Are you being completely honest with yourself? I mean, it doesn't matter about to strangers, but to yourself? Because I cant see why you would email him after all that time, unless you wanted him in touch. When you changed your email address, did you get withdrawels? If he was always emailing up til then, you always had him showing an interest didn't you.
If this guy didn't have any effect on you, you wouldn't of emailed him. And yes he knows that. He will use it to get back in there. Whats the betting it works?
C xxxxx
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A
female
reader, pashanoodle  +, writes (8 October 2008):
 We always want 'closure' - or to hear the person who wronged us admit it....we want them to actually "get" what they did to us, how it felt etc. The problem is, they are never likely to be able to do it in the way we want..as they have their own version of events and own hangups etc.
So - I guess I can see why you may have written to him after so long - but I'm not sure you'll ever get what you are looking for from him.
I wonder if part of you does entertain the idea of getting back with him - you said yourself you could easily 'get trapped' again - so you're obviously thinking of it??
If you really don;t want this guy in your life - don;t have ANY contact. There is no need. Try to move on from what happened with him - and deal with the issues for yourself if you need to - he can't deal with them for you.
To answer your question - I think from what you wrote he might think you'd consider something with him again...but you probably know that don;t you?
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